Re: Do you respect or even like your Father/Mother?long

Posted by wisbaker on February 02, 2014 at 11:55:46 from (173.30.33.15):

In Reply to: Do you respect or even like your Father/Mother?long posted by JD Seller on February 02, 2014 at 07:42:38:

My Dad passed three years ago on the Ides of March (and 18 years to the day one of his Uncles passed) Family background if you believe what's on the internet and the Mormon data base the Baker's I am part of have been here since the 1650's, but the tribe I belong to hasn't been able to stay in the same place much more than 50 years or so. My Great Grandfather was blind, he mined coal for a living at a time that wasn't to profitable of a profession, but it was one of the few things a blind man could do 100 years ago. My Grandfather joined the army at a young age, did one hitch and got out, He was discharged from Ft Sheridan Ill, about 150-200 miles from where he was raised. He met Grandma about this time and they where married a few months after he was discharged, she followed him to west central Illinois, it was the depression and he was having a hard time feeding a family as a sharecropper and mining coal. My other Great Grandpa recommended Grandpa for a job on a garbage truck where they lived and built a garage apartment behind his house (he was a stone mason)for my Grandparents to move into. While working for the refuse company they found he had mechanical abilities and he started doing the maintenance and repairs on the garbage trucks, shortly after WWII he and another long term employee bought the company. So my Dad was for the most part raised with his maternal family (French-Canadian/Italian). Grandpa's dream was to sell his share of the garbage company and buy a farm "Back home". Unfortunately that never happened, two of his sons (My Dad and the youngest Uncle)were working for him at the garbage company and agreed they would go with him to work on the farm, so they were looking for a farm big enough to support 3 families. Grandpa Baker died suddenly at the age of 45, my Dad was 20, before he turned 25 Grandma was gone and all his parents had was sold to pay the hospital bills. He was looking for a different job as hauling garbage wasn't the same with his Dad was gone and no family ownership of the company any more. A cousin had arranged for him to interview with Caterpillar to become a field service technician, he was offered a job with them, but a strike lead to his starting being placed on hold, before the strike was settled he went to work for UPS in the greater Chicago area. Dad worked long and hard, taking any overtime that was offered and often had a part time job on the side to make an extra few bucks. Eventually UPS taught him to drive a semi-truck. In February of 1972 he was bob tailing a UPS tractor from the Jefferson street (Chicago) terminal to his home terminal (Northbrook) his truck was struck from behind and it spun out, and fell from the bridge on the Tri-State where it crosses the railroad yard. Miraculously he wasn't seriously hurt, but he was scared. UPS had been trying to get him into management for about 6 years, they made him another offer, he accepted it. With in a year of him going "inside" he had an ulcer and his blood pressure was up. After my Mom and Dad got married my maternal Grandparents had moved on to Michigan. Grandma and Grandpa Winslow had separated and Grandpa wasn't doing well (drinking way to much). Mom and Dad made a decision, he quit UPS they sold the house and bought a 120 acre farm outside Lansing Michigan.The idea was to be closer to Grandpa Winslow and maybe get him out of the destructive situation he was in, unfortunately he passed with in 60 days of us moving to Michigan. Does any one remember what the Michigan economy was like in the mid 70's? It stunk, Dad was out of work for about 1/2 of my high school days, he would often go back to Illinois and work casual jobs for friends and family we had back there. Eventually he got a job hauling cars, but it was OTR and he wasn't often home. My younger brother and I ended up doing a lot of the farm work but my parents couldn't afford to pay us much for our efforts.

After I finished college and joined the Air Force my parents separated and eventually divorced. Seems Dad maybe was doing what a lot of OTR truckers did and was getting a little female attention while out on the road. With in a month of their Divorce being final Dad married a women 11 years younger than him and moved about 80 miles away from Lansing where his kids for the most part are.

My Stepmom had four kids, her oldest is about the same age as Dad's youngest. I guess I'm a little jealous because her kids maybe got more attention then we did and more support as they tried to get established in the world as young adults. I still called and talked to my Dad and visited when I could. After his retirement he would come and visit us when he could, but he was stuck home babysitting a pair of bonus step-grand kids his 16 year old step daughter popped out.

I last saw my Dad about 48 hours before he passed, I was there when his Doctor informed him he would not be getting better this time and that his time left was limited. His first response was he was sorry that he hadn't been able to do more for us or give us more, or be there more for us and the Grand kids.

Yes I understand my Mom can be a difficult person and came from a very dysfunctional family, yes I understand he was running around in her. But for the most part I do feel my Dad loved me and my siblings and wanted us. After I got my degree and joined the Air Force there was some friction between my Dad and I, he seemed to think that I had wandered away from my roots and maybe left he and Mom behind. He was proud of my accomplishments but felt like he hadn't done enough for me has a child.

He often called himself a "dumb Truck Driver". In reality if I had his people skills I would be doing a lot better for myself. When I was first married and would tend to be a turd about not being able to do what I wanted to my wife would call my dad, a few hours later dad would call me and get me back on the path I should be. He did similar duty when my youngest brother's marriage fell apart. He was estranged from that youngest brother for a few years because my brother was gripping about paying child support, Dad told him he was being a jerk and his sons were worth every dime he was paying.

To answer the question, yes I respected my Dad, I still miss him. He was human and had his flaws, but so do I. I may feel that he spent a lot of time and money on his step kids at the expense of his kids but his youngest step daughter is still alive, 15 years ago smart money was she'd be gone from an OD or drunken driving crash by now. Her kids seem to be doing well for the lot they were given, maybe some of that was from the time my dad watched them during their formative years. I don't think he ever hit my Mom and after they split up he wasn't trying to instill blame on her or run her down, something maybe my Mom can't say. If I'm 1/2 the man he was I can be proud.

Replies:

• Re: Do you respect or even like your Father/Mother?long LA in WI 12:03:04 02/02/14 (1)
  • Re: Do you respect or even like your Father/Mother?long Tx Jim 14:08:58 02/02/14 (0)

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