Do you respect or even like your Father/Mother?long

I was born into a very dysfunctional family.

My Father was the oldest of eight kids. He is a very smart man plus he was considered handsome in his younger days. MY Grand Mother spoiled him as he was always her favorite. He was the first Grand child on either side of the extended family so the whole group let him get away with murder.

School came easy for him. He had high grades but in those days (late 1940s) few scholarships where to be had. HE went to college in Dubuque and has a Mechanical engineering degree.

My Mother and he started dating in High School. She was a real pretty young woman.

When he was to go away to college she became pregnant. I as born in 1950. She went on to be pregnant 14 times. She had eight live births. two babies only lived less than a week. So I am one of six children.

My Grand Father paid for my Father to go to college in Dubuque. My Father spoke of how he was cheated out of better schooling because of me being born.

My Father and Grand Father co-signed a large bank loan in the early 1960s for two of my Uncles to start farming. The Uncles both went broke in less than 3 years. They just walked away from the debt leaving my Father and Grand Dad on the hook with the bank. They both had land that the bank could take.

My Father took a different job in the Quad Cities for more money. That is one hundred miles away. He would travel home on the weekends and evening when the farm demanded extra labor in the spring and fall. He rented a room form a co-worked to stay in during the week. (That was his story)

Now where he lost any of my respect.

1) He aways was riding us kids down as holding him back. He really focused that on me as I stopped his "GRAND" education.

2) He treated my Mother like dirt. I now know she was keeping pregnant to try and make him stay with her. She had/has very low self esteem. She saw Dad as her Knight in shiny armor. It took him 30 years of treating her like dirt for her to lose that outlook even a little.

3)My Father never would leave my Mother with much money. He always claimed he was tied down paying the bank back. She struggled to fed us kids most of the time. She worked her butt off keeping us feed and clothed with little help from him.

4) When I was just 14 I over heard a fight My Mother and Father had about money. She was telling him she needed more money for food for us kids. The store in town would not allow her to charge anymore groceries until the current bill was paid. His comments basically was that it was HER problem since she wanted all the kids not him.

The next week I started working at the feed mill. With my first check I went and paid the store off. I then gave her money for food out of every pay check. I did this until my last sister moved out.

5) Shortly after that I found out he was living with another woman in the Quad Cites. He could have gotten a transfer to Cedar Rapids for the same company and wage.

6) I found out he was not paying the bank at all. My Grand Father was paying the old note off. That is why he could not help my Mother out much. He did give her beef and pork for us kids but he was just about to lose his farm too.

So at the age of fourteen I found out my Father would not/could not provide for his family. He was also an adulterous man. He also would lie about anything to do with money. His morals where all centered around his wants/needs.

I never called him Dad or Father to his face after that. He beat me a few times for that but after about six months or so handling the feed bags at the mill he could no longer beat me. I could and did defend myself. He then tried to throw me out of the house. I told him he did not have any right to try that as he did not own the house/farm my Mother did. (Her parent's farm) Since he did not pay for my food, clothing or shelter he did not have any rights over me. I know the law would have not seen it that way but this was one thing my Mother stood up to him for.

So here are the points I am trying to make. I love and respect my Mother greatly. She has her weaknesses but she did her best in raising us kids. There was always LOVE from her toward us kids. I have helped support her from the time I was fourteen and I will until she is gone to Heaven. My "Father" is a man that I have zero respect or love for. He lost that right years ago. I am now responsible for his well being. I only do it as a favor for my Mother and God tells us to "respect" our parants. Well I just can't force myself to respect him so I hope making sure he is cared for is enough. In my mind he just donated the DNA for me to be here, Not much else.

I know that is off the subject but I see where many of you speak highly of your Fathers. I envied you having that relationship with your Father. My "father" figures where my Grand Fathers on each side. They where very honorable men that showed me the correct way to treat your WIFE and KIDS.

So tell us about how good or bad your Fathers where/are.

I can't relate to that, all my family was/is pretty good people. The one that comes to mind was around 1900 that some locals hanged from a bridge for "Being mean and repeatedly beating his wife and children",never found the vigilanties but the county took care of the kids. I know 100+ years ago but our family remembers a lesson when taught properly.

my ole man turns 81 today , Ive been told he's in the hospital . I won't see him ,call him or send him a card . he loved his friends and mentaly abused his family . my wish is that he lives another 81 years .

By the time I came along, I was my fathers first child, he was 50 at the time. I was my moms 7th child, 6 were from a very abusive previous marriage. She My Dad was 48 and my Mom was 34 when they met. My Dad was a local wheeler dealer and did very well for himself being self employeed, Was a touch of a ladies man as well. hehe. So when I came my Dad was 50, he left most of the care giving to my mom, I think he was afraid he would hurt me or not do something right. He started buying me farm toys before I was born, just cuz he knew he was having a boy. I can honestly say and raise my hand to the Lord in oath he has never once raised his voice at me, even when there were a few times he should have! The first time he "spanked me" I was sitting in my high chair and I kept kicking the table, he asked me to stop and I didn't, so he tapped my leg. I cried and my mom said that he cried more than I did. He has been patient, supportive, and has never once told me there wasn't anything I couldn't do. Hes 82 now, and has had a couple scares over the last year but is now doing well. I just had my first son this week, and if he feels about me half as much as I do about my dad I feel I will have done well. A Father loves, gives, and sacrifices whatever it takes to take care of his family. Yes there are testing moments, temptations, and down right hard times, but a real man has the lord in his heart and will never stray from it. I Love My Dad dearly and dread the day that he isn't with us anymore, whether it be in 2 years or 20 years from now. Im sorry that your father treated your family as he did. I hope it made a better man out of you. While yes you should love and respect him, I can see how it would be hard to. Maybe something will come of it and he will see his faults and ask for forgiveness before its too late. I think Good Dads are hard to find these days and if you have one appreciate him that much more.

My family was poor because my Dad broke his hip in a fall,when I was a small boy. We took a sled in the winter and a wagon in the summer, down to a corner in town and got surplus food from the back of an army bus. It was years later that I realized that we were on public assistance programs.
My Dad had a temper and I am my fathers son.
My mother died about 4years ago. My brother said something to me about how we were raised and after that I realized that I am the way I am, more because of Mom than Dad.

You and I both need to forgive them for who they were and allow ourselves to be the people we should be. You have chosen to be different than him, and that is a good thing. To be the best person you can be, you need to let go of the bad memories and move on. Forgive yourself for feeling the way you do about him.
SDE

my dad was german the 3 ks for women kirche kinter and kitchen. i was cheap help both him and my mom did everything the could to control me and out of family respect i did. my dad was one of those who even if he went to church on sunday but it never interfered with what he did on monday. finnally got off the farm on my own started to buy cattle dad found out and told me i had to milk on the home farm promices made never kept.several people told me not to do it but i did it anyways.this lovely town i live in if your dad dont back you prices are double if you can get somebody to do it most of the help i get is out of town. i finnally blackmailed my dad into selling the farm(last straw milking machine broke i was told to milk by hand bank said do as your dad says )day after he moved out he went to the bank and told them to sell me out they forged papers to do it . cost over 100000 and bankpupcy to hang on judge said forgery wasnt brought to him in timely manner.i recieve half of the going rates for rent again no family support all those years i staid home and worked he gave everthing to my sister she been throwing it away ever since .would i like to be like my father ? i dont have kids that should say enough now health failing case of ptsd can i hang on i sit and wonder .i till everbody i am as welcome in my family as used kitty litter i stuck up for my self and other that wernt the best heck of a payback

We lost my dad in 2000. He, like all humans, was not flawless.
However he was an honest, hard working man that always did his best.

Having never finished the 8th grade, he was still able to retire from
management positions at three different jobs.
He was a child of the great depression and a WWII veteran.
Work hard, save for a rainy day, waste not - want not.

I have to think hard to remember anything bad.
Lean times, sure, but to me those are a part of life.
You simply work a little harder to get through them.
I thank him for passing on that work ethic and attitude.

It's sickening that someone could be that selfish. It's his "fault"(not really the right word, but) that you were born. He's the one that couldn't keep it in his pants, so he only has himself to blame on that front. I feel the most sorry for your mother. She had a lot of heart ache in her adult life between less that half of the children surviving and having such an as$ of a husband, not to mention the worry about how to feed so many children. By the sounds of it, your uncles left your grandfather with the debt, because your father wasn't paying it anyways. It's weird that your grandfather was a very caring guy, enough so that even when almost going bankrupt he still did what he could to help his DIL, but his sons were all asses.
It saddens me to hear that she passed away first. Seem to be the way life goes though. The old grouchy miserable guys seem to live the longest.
For me, it wasn't my father but grandfather. My mother trained my grandfather's attitude out of my father a bit. My grandfather was an old miserable SOB. Far too opinionated and stubborn. Luckily he died before my grandmother, so she got a few years without him. She always seemed happier after he died, as mean as that may sound. My other grand father was ta very nice man. My grandmother died of cancer before I was born and he remarried at 72 a few years later. His second wife was a miserable old b!tch. She died 20 years later, and he went to live with my aunt. He got healthier after she died too, because he had been working himself to the bone trying to keep her happy. About a year after she died, he said something to my Aunt along the lines of, Shelia(1st wife's name) was a very nice woman, so at least he realized what a miserable person his second wife was. He too seemed happier.

Bad weather out your way too ,,, Huh JD ? Hope we don't end up bashin Our roots !,,Takes a fine fella to come thru all that and end up well ,,,Like a old fella said about a bad dad to his son ,,, you can take after Him if you want To ,, it is Your choice ,,,I suppose I got lucky ,,You can read about my Dad in Your stories , Euolgy for Dad ,, Those words fell into my lap from above Thru GODS Love the nite before ...to me it is a Classic Tribute to a exceptional Man ,, My Dad

I respect my father more as I get older,,,,and wish I could go back in time to be able to have given him more respect,he is gone,I wish he were here so I Could tell him. I did always respect my mom,,I miss them both,they are no longer with us.

My parents are a foundation of who I am.
Mom has provided a strength of character and stability. She is fair minded and clear in her decisions. Usually 30% mor lienient in "correctional situations" but not weak. She has assured us a work ethic. She also set within her children an appreciation of women as capable humans with different (but small) limitations compared to men, and provided similar understanding of the small male limitations compared to women.
She was strongly involved in Church activities, interactive with the extended family, and a good neighbor in the community. She is an artist, poet, writer, and was an oil painter.
My dad (in his prime) was strong willed and dominant. Brilliant in many ways, but not scientific. Comprehensively common sensed. A Carpenter of high skill a Farmer, with a brother, working the (his) dad's land. Strong Lutheran dedication. Hunter and conservation minded protector of his township/county. Friended, respected and visited by many.
We were of middle income, from farming and construction.
They are still on the green side of grass, and in their 90s.
I learned a tremendous amount from both of them. We children were generally happy and worked hard during our at "home" learning curve. We were included in hunting, fishing, gardening, and encouraged in 4H.
No family is without strife and neither was ours, but it worked and still is a positive on going reality. Jim

JD I can relate on a couple levels, not all but some. I don't have a great relationship with my dad, never have. My Ma couldn't take his drinking and left him when I was a few years old. My grandparents helped her raise me and my brother, and we learned a lot of values from them. They farmed until they died in the early 2000s. My dad is around, but still drinks like a fish. He will try to take credit for this or that, but I soon shut that down. He never did anything mentionable for anyone in our family. Going on, my wife and I are expecting our 4th and FINAL child. I try and make sure I help her with as much a I can, I do what needs done and then some. We both work full time jobs she is a Dietary manager at the hospital and I run the semi for the local JD dealership, as well as helping a neighbor part time on the farm. There are weeks I don't see the wife and kids much, it bothers me but I would have to take a big pay cut if I looked for a different job. And we cant afford that. But when this baby comes in Sept, I plan on taking a couple weeks off to help the wife with everything. There are times when I get to the end of my rope with the kids, the wife, the job, and life in general. But I guess that's where I differ from my dad, I just suck up and get thru it. He couldn't. I don't want my kids to go thru what my and my brother did. There are too many broken families these days, I don't want that for my family. My wife had the same childhood as I did, and she used to get scared when we had the smallest argument that I was going to leave. Why? Because her dad left her mom. Stuff like that affects people for their entire life. Im done ranting now, I enjoy your posts JD. . .they hit home and make a guy think.

Wow--- lots of animosity there.
Just forgive and get over it.
You dad a was dirt ball to treat his family that way.
Any "man" that tells his wife or girlfriend that the kids belong to her even though it is his seed that made the kids is a bum. Cheating on your mom is inexcusable.

I was lucky and had good parents, not much money but hard working and debt free. I would not be where I am without learning those values.

i tried that it doesnt work. in paper story when he hit 100 told everybody about the farms he was on except one the home farm that i got.made a special trip put the family together after seperate for a lot of years no mention. too this day people still belive what my dad said one thing l never make it farming and in spite of all the problems my dad created for me.forget the guys that charged you double because the know you have no backing and they can get away with it no way

It's really to bad your Dad had to be like you say. I love both of my folks. My Dad taught me how to be independent and to depend on myself.
My Mom Loved us kids no matter what we did.
I miss my folks and really wish they were still alive.
Tony

I do get along with both my mother and father, and my only brother, however the inlaws,, that's a whole nother story! Lol

not that much, i got along better with my uncles and grandparents, my dad was a honest hard working man, but he basicly disaproved of the fact that i drew air, so i spent as little time around him as possible, there was simply no pleasinghim no matter what the circumstance, mom was a religious nut,[ probably due to dad] i dont mean she was a normal church goes, she was a total fanatic and would start preaching to anybody anywhere she found them, things were better in the last few years of their lives between me and them, but i mostly avoided them for 30 years

I was raised in a plain old mom and pop farm family. There was mom and dad, my sis, who is 18 months older than me, and me. Both of my parents were loving and supporting. Mom passed away from cancer at the age of 46 when I was 20 but that was after I was raised and on my own.

When I was six months old, in September of 1951, my mother got polio and was in the hospital for six months. During that time I lived with another family who took me in as my own and loved me as one of their own. When mom came home and I came home to her I didn't want to accept her because my new family was now my accepted family. Because of this shuffling between families, for the next forty years I had an internal fear of being left alone. I didn't realize the cause of it till I was 40 or so. It was then that I realized how an event in a very young person's life can affect him or her for the rest of his or her life. I have no more fear of being left alone now. I never would have been able to handle being away from my family while I was on the wheat harvest if I still had that fear.

All in all, I feel very blessed to have been raised the good old fashioned way by very loving parents. Jim

I think all family's are dysfunctional on some levels, some more than others. I was raised in a pretty strict household, six of us kids and money in short supply. I thank the Good Lord for the parents He gave me and the upbringing I had. As a kid I didn't feel that way but I do now. Nothing like being a parent to understand where your parents were coming from.

My folks worked me like a migrant in the feilds while growing up. Dad was very big and strong so dont try to back talk him. Bottom line is I wouldnt trade my folks for anything. They got me ready for the real world. Dog eat dog, banker take away everything you have if you dont stay working. Lost Dad a few weeks ago, sure miss him. Wasnt just my Dad, he was my teacher,,,, my friend.

(quoted from post at 10:28:14 02/02/14) I was lucky and had good parents, not much money but hard working and debt free. I would not be where I am without learning those values.

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Well JD I personally think that these matters should be between you and your God and not here on the forumn but sometimes one just has to blow it off somewhere. I feel bad for for more than one reason, I never knew my Father as he left before I was born. Hard to have any feelings for someone who is only a name in the wilderness.
I hope you get things settled in your mind and work out your problems, maybe a few visits with a physiatrist might help ease your mind and let you get on with your life.
Good luck
Walt

My sole purpose in this response is to urge each of you who do have good parents to express to them while they are still here how much you love and appreciate them and how sorry you are for the times you hurt them through your neglect, your self-centeredness, your taking-them-for-grantedness, your lack of appreciation, and all the other thoughtless things we can do to our parents (or other loved ones for that matter.)

As you can guess, both my parents are gone and I never really let them know what they mean to me, or apologized for appreciating them. Like Larry, if I could just have a few minutes with them again to clear that up.

Both my parents were terrific people, but since JD asked about fathers I'll just say that Mom was a terrifc person. Dad was a simple, hard-working country boy with an eight-grade education. All he knew was work and fulfilling his responsibilities. He had a strong "code of the west" moral code: paid every debt, kept every promise, wouldn't consider doing the wrong thing. Loved hunting, but wouldn't consider killing something out of season.

We worked side by side in the dairy, and every summer he and I were in the hay-cutting business. We were close, but neither of us overtly expressed any sentiment. We definitely weren't buddies---he was father and I was son. I see now that everything he did was for the family, and maybe even for me specifically.

We were dirt poor all the time I was coming up. In the end he wound up "dirt rich" when he sold the family lands for a very good price. It's a gift that keeps on giving: I get gas royalties off the land still. I'm glad he got to enjoy money for his final years.

I hurt badly when he died 20 years ago, and again when Mom passed in 2001. Wish I knew how to send them a letter.

(quoted from post at 13:49:02 02/02/14)

(quoted from post at 10:28:14 02/02/14) I was lucky and had good parents, not much money but hard working and debt free. I would not be where I am without learning those values.

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ame here

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Same for me.

I have a lot of similarities, although I was the last kid and not the first.

It was a disaster, but it made me strong in the long run. They're gone, and I don't miss them much.

Along with a sister I ended up settling the old man's estate when I was 19. Quite an education.

Walt I would usually agree with keeping family matters quite but I am seeing more Fathers like mine. These young punks having kids with several women and not supporting any of them. PLAYERS I think they are called today.

Also I want guys to know that they can over come a tough up bringing.

As for needing help with my "Issues". I am at peace with my life. I have always tried to live up to the responsibilities that I feel I had. My Father has made his bed and he is the one that will face judgment in the end. I am not judging him, my thoughts/feelings are the result of his actions not mine.

What brought it to my mind today was Sweetfeet's post down below about saying we heard from our parents.

JD,I never knew any of my family.The only picture of my mother,I had was a mug shot when she went to prison,I think I was born out of wed-lock.I was physically abused,sexually abused,and mal-nurished,when the welfare department found me and placed me in a foster home,and I stayed there untill going into the military.I loved my foster family beyond measure,but they raised me hard.I have a real sister somewhere,God only knows.One day if the Lord willing I hope to see my real parents in heaven.God has blessed me and has put some good people in my life

jimmy

Not going to post about it here.

My Dad passed three years ago on the Ides of March (and 18 years to the day one of his Uncles passed) Family background if you believe what's on the internet and the Mormon data base the Baker's I am part of have been here since the 1650's, but the tribe I belong to hasn't been able to stay in the same place much more than 50 years or so. My Great Grandfather was blind, he mined coal for a living at a time that wasn't to profitable of a profession, but it was one of the few things a blind man could do 100 years ago. My Grandfather joined the army at a young age, did one hitch and got out, He was discharged from Ft Sheridan Ill, about 150-200 miles from where he was raised. He met Grandma about this time and they where married a few months after he was discharged, she followed him to west central Illinois, it was the depression and he was having a hard time feeding a family as a sharecropper and mining coal. My other Great Grandpa recommended Grandpa for a job on a garbage truck where they lived and built a garage apartment behind his house (he was a stone mason)for my Grandparents to move into. While working for the refuse company they found he had mechanical abilities and he started doing the maintenance and repairs on the garbage trucks, shortly after WWII he and another long term employee bought the company. So my Dad was for the most part raised with his maternal family (French-Canadian/Italian). Grandpa's dream was to sell his share of the garbage company and buy a farm "Back home". Unfortunately that never happened, two of his sons (My Dad and the youngest Uncle)were working for him at the garbage company and agreed they would go with him to work on the farm, so they were looking for a farm big enough to support 3 families. Grandpa Baker died suddenly at the age of 45, my Dad was 20, before he turned 25 Grandma was gone and all his parents had was sold to pay the hospital bills. He was looking for a different job as hauling garbage wasn't the same with his Dad was gone and no family ownership of the company any more. A cousin had arranged for him to interview with Caterpillar to become a field service technician, he was offered a job with them, but a strike lead to his starting being placed on hold, before the strike was settled he went to work for UPS in the greater Chicago area. Dad worked long and hard, taking any overtime that was offered and often had a part time job on the side to make an extra few bucks. Eventually UPS taught him to drive a semi-truck. In February of 1972 he was bob tailing a UPS tractor from the Jefferson street (Chicago) terminal to his home terminal (Northbrook) his truck was struck from behind and it spun out, and fell from the bridge on the Tri-State where it crosses the railroad yard. Miraculously he wasn't seriously hurt, but he was scared. UPS had been trying to get him into management for about 6 years, they made him another offer, he accepted it. With in a year of him going "inside" he had an ulcer and his blood pressure was up. After my Mom and Dad got married my maternal Grandparents had moved on to Michigan. Grandma and Grandpa Winslow had separated and Grandpa wasn't doing well (drinking way to much). Mom and Dad made a decision, he quit UPS they sold the house and bought a 120 acre farm outside Lansing Michigan.The idea was to be closer to Grandpa Winslow and maybe get him out of the destructive situation he was in, unfortunately he passed with in 60 days of us moving to Michigan. Does any one remember what the Michigan economy was like in the mid 70's? It stunk, Dad was out of work for about 1/2 of my high school days, he would often go back to Illinois and work casual jobs for friends and family we had back there. Eventually he got a job hauling cars, but it was OTR and he wasn't often home. My younger brother and I ended up doing a lot of the farm work but my parents couldn't afford to pay us much for our efforts.

After I finished college and joined the Air Force my parents separated and eventually divorced. Seems Dad maybe was doing what a lot of OTR truckers did and was getting a little female attention while out on the road. With in a month of their Divorce being final Dad married a women 11 years younger than him and moved about 80 miles away from Lansing where his kids for the most part are.

My Stepmom had four kids, her oldest is about the same age as Dad's youngest. I guess I'm a little jealous because her kids maybe got more attention then we did and more support as they tried to get established in the world as young adults. I still called and talked to my Dad and visited when I could. After his retirement he would come and visit us when he could, but he was stuck home babysitting a pair of bonus step-grand kids his 16 year old step daughter popped out.

I last saw my Dad about 48 hours before he passed, I was there when his Doctor informed him he would not be getting better this time and that his time left was limited. His first response was he was sorry that he hadn't been able to do more for us or give us more, or be there more for us and the Grand kids.

Yes I understand my Mom can be a difficult person and came from a very dysfunctional family, yes I understand he was running around in her. But for the most part I do feel my Dad loved me and my siblings and wanted us. After I got my degree and joined the Air Force there was some friction between my Dad and I, he seemed to think that I had wandered away from my roots and maybe left he and Mom behind. He was proud of my accomplishments but felt like he hadn't done enough for me has a child.

He often called himself a "dumb Truck Driver". In reality if I had his people skills I would be doing a lot better for myself. When I was first married and would tend to be a turd about not being able to do what I wanted to my wife would call my dad, a few hours later dad would call me and get me back on the path I should be. He did similar duty when my youngest brother's marriage fell apart. He was estranged from that youngest brother for a few years because my brother was gripping about paying child support, Dad told him he was being a jerk and his sons were worth every dime he was paying.

To answer the question, yes I respected my Dad, I still miss him. He was human and had his flaws, but so do I. I may feel that he spent a lot of time and money on his step kids at the expense of his kids but his youngest step daughter is still alive, 15 years ago smart money was she'd be gone from an OD or drunken driving crash by now. Her kids seem to be doing well for the lot they were given, maybe some of that was from the time my dad watched them during their formative years. I don't think he ever hit my Mom and after they split up he wasn't trying to instill blame on her or run her down, something maybe my Mom can't say. If I'm 1/2 the man he was I can be proud.

JD,
I follow your adventures with interest and have respect for you.

BUT....is this family stuff on a tractor venue really necessary?
LA in WI

Dad's great
in small doses.
He's better now that mom (and her lies) is out of the picture.
If I go to her funeral it will be to see if her side of the family was actually not lying to me.

Being away from everybody for a couple years and seeing how the boss and his kid work together I see now I was set up to fail if I had stuck around and went to milking cows myself. Whether they knew it or not. It's a large part of why I like Mike Rowe's message, my parents (at least dad) were so caught up in me getting a degree and a desk job they kept me from doing what I wanted to do and learning what I needed to learn.

I think mom was just too caught up in getting things her way.

I know I was lucky, I had a great father and still have a great mother. We always talked and discussed things like as if we were partners. From an early age if I wanted to make improvements on the farm he made sure we did the improvements( after we talked about it) and he made danged sure these improvements worked. We discussed buying tractors, machinery and land. Between them they made sure all 6 of us never wanted for anything. We were expected to do our chores, but they identified early on who was the most willing and he went easy on the others just saying they will end up out working off the farm, and he was right. He died in '97 I miss him in every thing I do!.
My mum worked herself into the ground, she was first up every morning and last to bed, she milked cows, raised calves and reared 6 children. She lives in a granny flat I built for her beside my place and we look after her, but she still tries to repay us. At 79, she makes my dinner every day and does the laundry and ironing for my wife. We strive to be as good parents as my folk were.....Sorry to hear some of you folks got it so rough!.......Sam

No matter how bad your early life was I had it much worse. For most of my young life [2years-14years] I was hungry, cold, abused and damn poor. My parents were not married and did not live together on a regular basis. To top it all off the great depression was going on. I found work on farms when I was 14 and began to eat at least one meal a day [farmers fed their help] and I got paid to so I could give some money to my mother to help buy food for my other 8 siblings.

Now I am not bitter about how I was raised, I have done OK and I have no bad feelings toward my parents, both deceased. In a way it helped me be a better parent and husband. If I hadn't read J D Seller's post I doubt I would even have thought about it.

My advice, remember the good things and forget the bad stuff. You will be a better person for it.

Same here David. Poor but blessed!

My father died young,mother never remarried and raised 5 kids alone. When I say alone,I mean it was rare anyone offered help. I told my son and nephews if we only amount to "half the man"mother was,we have done well. Do I respect my mother? You be the judge.

J D,

My heart pours out to you and many like you who have never had the relationship with parents that some of us have had. I could write a book as there has never been anyone that had a better childhood than my brothers and me. To start out , in my lifetime I have never known any two people more in love with each other than Mother and Dad. They carried each other on a pedestal and their example was something that we all cherished for our lifetime. We lost Dad at a very early age and at the time we were milking forty cows and Mother said that Dad could have left us a gold mine and we would still have to work it. Every time Mother thought one of us boys had a little too much time on our hands she would buy ten more cows. Always ten at a time because that's how many that would go on the truck that we had at the time. Didn't ever want to express the desire to play sports else there would be more cows to milk. To fit in with the football game today Dad would always say "Their is nothing less beneficial to the betterment of mankind than the outcome of a sporting event." By the way I cannot say I was the easiest son to raise as we had a hundred cows on the farm when I graduated from high school. Mother, Dad and both brothers are now gone. May God bless them all. Tom

Even if my father was a serial killing, child molesting rapist, and even worse, an external_link voter, I'd still keep it under my hat. But that's just me. TDF

(quoted from post at 15:03:04 02/02/14) JD,
I follow your adventures with interest and have respect for you.

BUT....is this family stuff on a tractor venue really necessary?
LA in WI

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I agree is this Yesterday's Tractors or Facebook/My Space?

That is he best description of an external_link voter I have ever seen! Well put!

JD, my late brother Bill shared many of your father's attributes. Maybe you even crossed paths with him. He worked for the SCS out of Dubuque for many years.

All this from someone that said they weren't going to be posting here much any more. (eye roll)

Honor your Mother and Father.

In this case. You seen it. You know what not to do or be in life. You can be better than him. Do it. Turn you cheek. Don't say a word and treat your wife, kids better for it. And move on

Back to tractors.....

Straw walker: If you do not like what I post then just do not read it. I had some time today and another Post got me thinking along these lines. I was wondering how others got along with their Fathers. This is a forum with people from around the world. It is easy to think your the only one with a issue.

Also I am seeing more Fathers like mine in this younger generation. Young males that sire children but want nothing to do with raising them. Maybe we all can watch out for some of these children.

Have a good week ahead.

Sometimes hearing that someone had the same things going on, helps others to see more of it in their own life and process and change it.

Wow, sounds like my folks were relative angels compared to some. My folks were functioning alcoholics, party animals and screamers. I got the screaming part down pat. They had tempers but we were never abused. I saw a heck of a lot of scary stuff growing up and a lot of other things no child should ever have to see. But I loved and respected my folks. I am the oldest of 4 and the only "successful" brother. I'm known as the responsible brother.

I didn't treat my mother as well as I should have after Dad died and she remarried. I regret that. I now realize my Mom was not all that bright and was given to living in sort of a fantasy world she created. She had a rough time as a kid and I suppose that was her way of coping. But she did her best and loved us. Same for Dad. If they'd cut the booze out their lives would have been a lot simpler, that's for sure.

I also loved and respected my in laws. They had a lot of faults, but they had it real rough growing up.

(quoted from post at 22:12:27 02/02/14) Straw walker: If you do not like what I post then just do not read it. I had some time today and another Post got me thinking along these lines. I was wondering how others got along with their Fathers. This is a forum with people from around the world. It is easy to think your the only one with a issue.

Also I am seeing more Fathers like mine in this younger generation. Young males that sire children but want nothing to do with raising them. Maybe we all can watch out for some of these children.

Have a good week ahead.

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I don't see a darn thing wrong with venting a little among friends. I have very little contact with other people these days. It's my family and the sheep and horses. The horses are the best listeners. Every now and again I'll vent a little here too. If someone needs to vent a little, I say go for it. We see venting about family, business, politics, religion and world events here all the time. Not a big deal IMO.

I like to sit around the calf creep in the evenings, as long as I"m feeding them they listen to everything I say with no backtalk.

(quoted from post at 05:55:01 02/03/14) I like to sit around the calf creep in the evenings, as long as I"m feeding them they listen to everything I say with no backtalk.

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I feel the same way, but with me it has always been a couple of dogs and an old horse. They listen good and help me through rough tiimes. The only problem is that when one of my dogs die, I have a hard time picking up the pieces. My parents were only concerned about what they wanted on any given day. I was just free labor. I can remember building a barn. He bought one and we hauled it home on wagons and erected it. One day while I was driving in wood connecting pins I fell from about 20 foot up. It really hurt, but all he said was quit crying about it. Mom didn't seem to care much either. Years later I found out that my neck was broken along with my nose. No big deal to them, just keep working. Dad farmed to spend his pay check. He never made any money farming. Swear and carry on all week and then go to church on Sunday. "A pillar of the community", "Such a nice guy", oh well it's all over now, since they both died a while back. I could go on and on, but what's the use. It won't change anything. They just didn't know any better!

What do they say ?

You can pick your nose .
You can pick your friends.
But you can't pick your parents !

(quoted from post at 05:55:01 02/03/14) I like to sit around the calf creep in the evenings, as long as I"m feeding them they listen to everything I say with no backtalk.

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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
Yep....Page is up 2 # 4 :arrow: Doin good....

Someone older and wiser once said.. You have two chances in life for Parent/child relationship.. When your young and your the kid and when your older and your the parent.. You may not be able to control what happens in the first one BUT DANG certain you can in the second one...

Our parents sure shape who we turn out to be if not by their guidance in reaction to their behaviour. I'd bet that experience shaped how you help out others in a big way.

I had good parents but they didn't have much money. Lots of fighting about money while growing up, what bills should be paid, what should we go without, which grandparent we could ask to borrow from. Swore I would be careful enough with spending to not have to fight about money. Turns into history repeating a bit as you end up fighting about spending money.

I can relate to some of what you said; don't know much but I do know that you've got to leave it in the past or it will eat you up and change your view of people (and the world) for the worse. May God Bless you and give you peace