I've often wondered what really goes on when they do this, is a it a challenge and if you give in, they win or for the most part it's more being spooked. I know many times they'll challenge you a bit, and you do have to let em know who is boss, but it's how you do excactly that without getting some negative effect that seems to be the most important thing.
We have a well mannered stud, he's pleasant to deal with, oddly enough, but true. He's been ridden and shown, one rider in his 80's says he rides a like cadillac, he likes to work and really shows he's feeling good sometimes, really not much of a problem having mares around, though you still have to be safe and use care, he sure is well liked and gets lots of attention, one of his offspring, now 2 years old, and gelded, is just a real gem to deal with, beautiful horse too, forget how tall, very confident and socialable etc. Something in this guy, personality is just great. That in mind, you wonder what it is when good natured ones, that have been around calm owners/trainers/riders etc., occasionally do turn their nose up at loading or something similar.
3 years ago this stud would not load for me, at all. About the only thing he would do aside from loading, on occasion, which was undesirable, would be to stand up, when leading him outside. He seemed to like to do that 1x and get that out of his system. Ok, I showed my prowess, I'm done now! I'd use a longer lead shank, let him do this thing 1x and move on. He knows who the boss is, but always finds a way to do his one thing, well he's a stud, so ok, he'll get some verbal flak and maybe a light whack with the leadshank on the butt, he knows, and no need to go any further, seems the more you react to them, the worse they get, who knows, no expert on hayburner training, that is for sure. Things seem to work better if you stay calm and work with them, they still have to know who the boss is without the boss being real harsh about it. Some don't believe that, always chain over the nose, twisting ears, or what have you, not sure I even know half of the mean things people do to them, and I think most of that works against you, I strongly believe you "get more bees with honey than vinegar".
Well he would not load, they wanted him brought to a show and I had not loaded any in close to 20 years at that time, well he was just being stubborn. So I tried some of the things mentioned here already, no go, he was calm, just not going to load, so I walked him a bit, persistence is important, kept trying, ok, not going anywhere, so I handed him off to a woman who was boarding 8-9 at the place and she worked with him a bit, we got a rope behind his butt and finally nudged him in, without getting him all fired up, also had someone in the front of the trailer with some grain etc. I think we went through this a few more times, rewarding him when he did good, and he was better each time and shortly after he was good about it, and a great shipper, I had to stop back at my house once and had someone watch him in the trailer while I got cleaned up, his personality is just good natured, sure helps. He was still young then, 3 or 4 I think so there might have been a few kinks to work out. Today he's still a pleasure to deal with, he's worked out well for the place, and his one offspring has some unreal potential.
From what I've seen, you have to be persistent, level headed, and good to them, while still letting em know you are the boss. Sometimes changing things like the person leading them, little time out, do something else etc. helps. I've seen people get frustrated with them, things get heated up and unsafe, never does a situation like this any good. Not sure what else to suggest, in addition to what's been said already, sounds like she's fixed on not loading, she got away with it, so somehow you'll have to keep at it, try someone else at the lead, work with her as best you can, eventually something has to give, she'll figure it out.
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