Posted by olgentdc on December 28, 2017 at 23:58:57 from (184.16.212.240):
Guys ,, i need to vent .m,,but mostly i need a magic wand to fix everything back to normal,. i have that "ODD man Out feeling " . i called a couple friends and a nephew and They all Have Valid reasons They cant help me today . And I Understand , I Just WISH i Were not sodam NEEDY,. I used to be the RESCUER !.Ever since my cancer episode, i feel like i need from my family ,friends and neighbors more than i give back " its been a hard harvest , and realy a hard yr ,.. trying to keep going ..Due to neuropathy in my hands and legs from chemo ,.. things are not as easily fixed as before and it torments my soul .. tonite after a exasaperating day ,i recited my plans for tomorrow and todays failures to my sara.,,../ she really did not care to hear any of it,,since she heard me giving a( sunday school lesson) to a combine part i could not remove ./.NOW ,.. my saras Dr appt at noon , tomorrow , and i totaly forgot i NEED to Drive Her . she gets pain medicine in her back , When I Gave Her that blank look ..when She asked , "What else Do i need to do??? ".,. now she is steamed at me because all i ever think about is this farm ,./...this place just dont bloom with pride anymore ,,. too many projects waiting , To add insult to more injury ,.. I lost a cow Christmas morning,..some how she went down in a plastic bed liner and her back legs flailed around til she died... i have poured feed in those things for years and this is the 1st time that ever happened .. last week my brother finished his harvest , and due toa bad cellphone connection , i misinterpreted his message that he was willing to finish my beans,, i only have about 7 acres left, . I Know It is Stupid ,,../but, at midnite tonite , I feel like i have 700 acres to go, and all my engines are busted,, and half my cows are about to die,.. None of Those THINGS ARE TRUE..except i dont look as good to sara ,.She does not like seeing me get upset and feeling overwhelmed and hopeless,,. neither did the 1st wife,..so i see a bad pattern circle of struggles ..////// Most Sane People would Quit .., But Rightnow,, I am not sure what to think ?,,.. I Always said if I ever Quit ,.and sold out i could never see what they done to my farm ,..Everyone is So MUCH smarter than Me ,( Some want me to think That ) so,i really dont want to lease my farm to them , but i mite .And IF I DID , i wont be happy watching them do what i could do if i just only had a helping handin my desperate time of need ..
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