O.T. Warning personal rantWhat did I do wrong???

I could care less of your religion, I'm not Cathloic but in our area many many have said Catholic charities have helped them. I'ts called Berieved or something close to that. I have NOT attended but would sure recomend it from what I have heard.

You are going to be a lonesome dude for a while so why not visit folks that have worn your shoes? They will be more than happy to share their advise. You will not have problems finding divorced folks in your area. Never lay so much as a hand or threaten to touch your wife. Keep the kids out of the picture as best you can--they arn't stupid, and are scared to say the least. After she moves out----while you watch over the kids while she gains her freedom of the night life remember to make all conversations in a public place with whitnesses near by. Like a resterant, Mc Dees where the kids can enjoy if age fits in. Doesn't hurt the kids to see mom and dad together for a civil meeting. Many states make you go to divorce conceling---be in the front row if avaliable. By the way kids can sence troubles many times by what is not said so kind of be careful. In your eyes your EX is a good parent, she can lead her life as she pleases, and you think she is very important in your kids life with unlimited visitation that you will incourage her to exercise often. But just that you are a better parent. Gather all pictures WITH YOU interacting with the kids--maybe start taking more to show such interaction. Your wife probably will have lots photos of white sheets that come out late at night to show the judge.
Make all parent teacher / school/ church and other child centered activities.

Invest in interaction with your wifes folks, visit with them and point out it is normal for them to take their daughters side. But you refuse to make them uncomfortable, you will do everything in your power to see that their intrests are important to you. Don't point out any negitive properties your ex has done. They are expecting that big time. Let them understand your biggest concern is the kids.

I will throw this in for the heck of it---usualy does not work out but ask the wife what she wants, and what she thinks you can both do to stay best of friends, avoiding legal fees, and the best times for her to see the kids and still enjoy her new life style as you think you still love her and she will always be your love even after a trial seperation, divorce. She can always come home to you and the kids if her life does not turn out as she expected. You don't want her to move far away because you want to just see her, and you want her to always see the kids, maybe you can help her get on her feet with extra cash.... Yea your tonge may turn black but it has been known to work several times.

The first divorce was in the 70's and no chance of a man getting the children. In 1990 I got primary care of a two year old, another unheard of ordeal. She had everything in her favor, a 14 yr old daughter, a new home, she was ten years younger than me. Now my point is getting primary care is no accident, you must get your ducks in a row as others have stated. A note book with exact times and dates mean something---"well one day this or that happened"....means nothing to a judge.

Your hardest thing to overcome is she doesn't love you as you do her. That failure to admit its over can and will cost you the farm.

Remember this...when you talk to her friends you love her and tell them you are having problems and do not want her friends to take sides, you just feel bad about the whole thing..... .(you are just sad and looking for ideas on how to deal with it. Then shut up and listen and remember to write down what is said there after. If your wife is not a real bowser her lady friends do indeed find her as a threat...They are uncomfortable if she is around their man. When a wife gets a new job, looses weight, new friends, wild life style, starts ignoring the kids. Many times they are in the mood for other guys ....Those words were told to me by a friend...I owe him my life. NEVER mention her friends coming to court--they will never say a word if they susect that. I would take a good guess she has another friend, or looking for a new nest, and she probably will offer bait for her trap. Have a friend check it out for you so you get the real picture. A very hard pill to swallow, but you must take the pill before you can get better. You are not to old to start over, but you probably won't understand that for now any way.

The BEST attorney in the world can not win your case unless you have a list longer than your leg of facts to sort, and confront with---DAM>N IT WRITE IT DOWN. A new phone with caller ID ---hit the redial---or a copy of her cell phone records probably will tell you what you don't realy want to admit. NEVER CONFRONT her with your facts, keep your mouth sht and hide your notes and cover all your tracks. If you tell her your facts her and her attorney can be prepared for a answer in court. Keeping your mouth shut is very hard to do, and I've seen folks crap in their own mouth because they told someone the game plan---trust no one but your attorney till this is over.

In your situation most folks already know the answer to the questions you asked.. IF a friend asked you the same questions????? HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER THEM? I would't want to wear your shoes, or wear your hat for a long time to come. Good luck in making the right decissions.

A good talk with the banker, and credit card Co. with limits to large withdrawals may well be in order if I read mine and others T shirts correct.

Just so you know taping phone conversations, using baby cams, or hidden cameras that are less than $35.00 at Wal-Mart are not legal in alot of states. They are usualy waste high in the video section...but illegal like I said! Baby cams to ---CHECK ON THE CHILDREN BECAUSE YOU SUSPECT FIGHTING, IS LEGAL, and they are very small so the CHILDREN can't find them especialy if THEY (THE KIDS) want no part of housework. Again learn to shut up with what you see the CHILDREN do. This seems unfair to your CHILDREN, but you can not play fair cards with the CHILDREN unless THE CHILDREN are playing fair as the rules of say... marriage.. are assumed. And if the CHILDREN are acting crazy or suspicious.....

If it was me, I'd get a couple of my zany friends and tell them to dress up in white sheets, and go stand outside your bedroom window and throw pebbles against the house on a moonlit night.

If performed properly, you'd see how deep her convictions lie. Might even jump start a reconciliation & reality check

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that Death and Life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit.

Sounds like your wife was speaking death to your relationship. That does not mean you also have to.

If you are going to ask God why then dig deep into his word and you will find he has an answer. God will only be in your life and affairs if he is invited to.

Mark 11:24 is a good palce to look as well.
You only need to understand 11:23 thru 26 to see how it works.

Not to get your hopes up but has she had any counciling/proffesional help? Many of those things you described can be related to mental problems.

My wife went through a deep depression during which she would often declare she hated the house we had just built together, hated our land we had picked out, hated haying, didn't like any of our friends, thought they were judging her, wouldn't go to public places, distrusted my parents, hated her job and was generally miserable day in and out.

It took a long time to convince her to go but several months of concilling and quitting her job has helped her a huge amount and she is attending some school right now and was able to give a talk to about 20 people in a class (believe me that is amazing).

I cut her off from all farm related chores and after a break from them she misses some of them now and wants to participate in a few of them.

She has a long way to go yet but she will get there I hope.

I say a prayer for her too. One day she wake up and realize she's the only one responsible for taking care of her.

Take care.

By good family law attorney, I don't mean someone who is out for $$$ or would try to destroy your wife financially. Check with your priest or minister to see if they can recommend someone who will help you look out for the best interest of your children.

Good luck,
Paul

Allan

She wants out and thats her way of saying to you!

There"s a zillion answers and 10 zillion more questions that need to be addressed. Not sure if there is any GOOD answers to some of your questions.

Marriage is a crapshoot at best. Especially so when 2 people marry at young ages. Many people aren"t done developing mentally, spiritually, emotionally, or intelectually until they"re way beyond their "adult years". It"s to be expected for some people to change course several times before they start to maintain one direction.

When you"re "young and in love", often times you simply just don"t see the obvious. A person may be a LOT different that you perceive them to be or HOPE them to be. Then we react to each other and make adjustments over time. Your wife may not have been that "perfect match" to begin with and you overlooked some of her "faults". She might have been viewing you in the same manner.

After having 2 daughters to grow up and marry, I"ve learned that it"s not just the women, but men too, that aren"t always what they appear. They change AFTER they get familiar and figure out what they can get away with. Long story short, you aren"t alone. It happens far too often.

As far as your father. That sort of thing happens. Part of life. It"s MUCH better when you have a supportive mate along side of you when you"re dealing with life"s hard times.

I"m always thinking about a line from the TV show M.A.S.H. A Navy pilot that was shot down, and ended up in the MASH hospital, and who THOUGHT he was JESUS told RADAR that "GOD LISTENS to all your prayers. HE just doesn"t always give you the ANSWER you wanted"

Hang in there. Cut your losses when you can and move on. Giving up on life isn"t the answer either. Salvage what you can and try to make the rest of your life as best as it can be.

First, you have two wonderful children so take good care of them.

Second, not everyone is deceitful so learn to trust until they don't deserve.

Third, learn to reach out and help others as it is very good therapy.

This will be painful but you will recover.

But to answer your question, is she involved in drugs? Maybe recently stepped it up a notch? Meth maybe? Drugs will make people behave in a pretty bizarre manner. They can try to conceal it but eventually it comes out. I don't know if her behavior changed recently but it is something to consider.

Best of luck, don't let her have the kids. They don't need to be screwed up by her radical behavior.

The other #1 best thing was when I met my 2nd wife. We have stuck to each other will be 40 years come Oct.5th 2008.

Ya'll be careful
steveormary