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Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks

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Gus

09-07-2007 15:00:25




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Both Mom and Dad have been diagnosed with early alzheimers. Got in to their business to help and found out their still 100 grand in debt and pushing 87 yrs. Owe on their house mostly. Good retirement but been giving way too much to charities. I am the only child. Was supposed to inherit the house that I built for them but figure medicaid has a 5 yr. look back, so it probably won"t happen. That"s a minor kind of selfish issue. I tried to get them to slide on the charities and start paying down their debt. They got pretty mad at me. Next is yanking the drivers licenses. They are dangerous on the road. Or would they be better off having a debt. Dad will probably be in assisted living in a year, Mom maybe two or three according to the neurologists best guess. Just looking for input right now. Thanks, Gus.

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Mike (WA)

09-08-2007 08:24:24




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Notwithstanding what everyone else has said, you need to talk to an attorney, but the RIGHT one- someone who specializes in "Elder Law". Have your atty (or theirs) help you sort out who's good in that field in your area.



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Philmar Farms

09-08-2007 07:57:20




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Some of those charities are less then ethical. They keep calling because they know old folks are an easy touch. Also be wary of any new 'friends'. Antiques, heirlooms and whole homesteads have gone to that kind of con man.



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jdemaris

09-08-2007 05:45:30




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
I suggest you do your homework and read up on your own state and county laws concerning Medicaid. As far as attorneys go - it's a crap-shoot. Some specialize in these trings, some don't - some are totally incompetent. Question and verify anything you are told. I went though this mess with my mom - who is now 92 and doesn't know what planet she's on. My dad died in 1980 and she's been alone since. She showed early signs of being senile 10 years ago. She worked to hide it, and was very independent and secretive about finances. She also was still driving a car. I was living 200 miles away - and got a phone call one night from her local police. She was driving on the wrong side of the road at night with no lights on - and gave the police no explanation for it. Then, once in the police station - refused to use the bathroom because there were some sort of "demons" telling her not to, etc. etc. By phone, police told me to do something right away - or - they'd have her locked up, evaluated, etc. etc. So, I hopped in the car, went down, forced her to come with me (under a lot or protest), and brought her back home - all with little notice and no plan. Got home, she refused to eat and claimed we were trying to poison her. This same thing happened years back with her mother - maybe it's a French thing (my mom and grandma are both from rurual southern France). So, I had to learn fast - and some things the hard way. I was given a lot of bad advice from lawyers and senior-citizen finance experts. Her own family lawyer refused to get involved because of her questionable mental state. We spent months trying to figure out her finances, search through her house and sifting through 50 year old stock certificates, piles of bank books and records, etc. Besides getting a lot of bad information from lawyers, we also got a lot of the same from many government agencies. Don't assume - that if you speak to an "expert" at the Medicaid office - that the person knows the facts. I got mis-information from police, attorneys, social service workers, and judges. Of course, I also got some accurate information - but my point is - if you don't do some research yourself - you won't know how to separate the bad info from the good. In regard to Medicaid and look-back - every state (and county) has it's own special formula. Find out exactly what your's is and read closely. I had been advised to get a senior trust setup - but luckily did not fall for it. In most cases, you get screwed by it. To make a long story a little shorter - I did NOT take advice from several attorneys - but did listen to some from my own, who does not specialize in these matters but has a good general knowledge. I got power-of-attorney while my mother was still able to read and understand things (she was still having times when she was lucid). I sold her house, paid her bills, and put all her assets in one bank account. First as a joint account, and then transferred to me only. Filed the transfer as a gift - and had no tax due - because of a "less then $1,000,000 gift exemption from a family member." Then figured out the formula that New York State (for my county) uses for Medicaid - which goes by her net worth at time of transfer to me along with various medical costs, etc. It comes to a number of months you have to wait before applying for Medicaid. She didn't have much, so it came to 22 months. And, a warning! If you apply too early, you are screwed. We took care of my mom for awhile - but it became impossible. We then put her into assisted living and paid cash for it. Started out at $1000 per month and constantly kept going up. We then found out that there are certain types of assisted living that Medicaid will pay with NO lookback. It's a level below nursing home care, but a level above standard assisted living. We got good care for her, and she now qualifies fully for Medicaid nursing-home care. But as it stands now, the assisted living place does not want to "give her up" to a nursing home since - I assume - they like getting the money. I'm not fight it since the level of care is almost the same, anyway. Perhaps I sound overly skeptical of the "experts" around us. Well, I am. I was astounded at the level of imcomepetence we experienced while trying to take care of mom. I will say - that we got some of the best advice from non-profit, non-government senior-citizen agencies. I will also add that back when my dad got sick around 1980 we went through the same sort of nonsense. Being a WWII veteran, he went into the VA hospital. He got sicker and sicker - and got to a point where he was too sick (and hard to control) for any nursing home - but not sick enough to stay any longer in the VA hospital. They called my mom and said he had to leave in two weeks and we had to figure it out. The only way he could stay was if - a doctor signed him off as "terminally ill" or as an alcoholic -which he was not. If you are a drunk, you can stay there forever. Three days later, he died. We later found out he had been beaten - severely. But, the VA hospital said the beating was due to their having to restrain him because he was violent and uncontrollable. I did not know this at the time - I found out two years later. If I had known at the time, I don't know what good it would of done, anyway. Good luck - and do your research. Main thing is - take control - nobody is going take as much interest in the matter as a close family member - regardless of how much you pay them.

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msb

09-07-2007 21:30:03




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Debt is only a part of the equation. What is their net worth?That is what is important. I finally just recently got Mom to do a Living Funded Trust.She is 89 and not in very good health.The trust will keep their estate out of probate and could keep attorney fees from eating up what is left. That may be of benefit for you to consider, but take the advice already given and contact a good estate attorney.Old people are not always rational. Mom had run up a $30,000 credit card debt and she is very rational by most standards of measure.Just lonely.Says "they"all know her in the stores. Well, I reckon! Good Luck !

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buickanddeere

09-07-2007 19:25:34




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
#1 c.y.a. with a good lawyer & accountant who specialize in such situations. They may cost a little but they are a bargain compared to what could happen without expert advice.



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Mark - IN.

09-07-2007 19:10:37




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
First and foremost, I"m sorry to hear that about your parents. That"s a sad thing.

Most definately speak with an attorney. I"m thinking in terms of protecting your parents and their family (including yourself). On one hand, I"d say for someone in their family (not necessarily yourself) get or become power of attorney to watch over their belongings so that some unscrupulous person doesn"t rob/take them blind. There are those types out there whom will take advantage of them and others, take them to the cleaners, and leave them desolate. Just happened to the parents of a guy I know by his parents caretakers whom pretty much got everything signed over to them...one piece at a time. One day driving a ratty car and old clothes, and as time went on began driving a new car and expensive clothing, and mentally failing parents ended up pennyless after giving it away (talked into it) to the caretakers under everyone"s nose. One can"t take money to one"s grave, and the opposite of that is that one can"t take debt to one"s grave either. God forbid, but if they were both gone tomorrow, and they lost their home, would they really lose their home if they were gone anyway? I say not. You or someone else might lose their home, but they wouldn"t, nor would they have a need for it either. However, what if you or someone else in their (your) family had power of attorney, they were gone tomorrow, and the home got repossed or forclosed upon? By having power of attorney, would you or another family member and your credit become liable? I have no clue, but an attorney would know. Not that I have much like for attornies, but laws are written in such ways and terms that nitwits like myself can"t figure out or understand them...and thus may need one sometime. Know what I mean? Protect your parents, their belongings, and yourselves.

Good luck, and may God bless your parents.

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bunghammer

09-07-2007 19:05:47




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
I know exactly how you feel. My Dad is only 63 and has early onset dementia. I have had to help him out quite a bit with there bill paying and such. Its been a pretty tough rode so fare. They have also just inherated money when my grandfather past away this spring, so now I have to help them with that also. I am only 36 and have alot on my shoulders, with my wife and kids and job its alot to handle. Im sure it won't get any easier. nothing I can do about it but keep on plugging away.

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midwest redneck

09-07-2007 18:28:27




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Get them off the road. 20 years ago my Great grandmother pulled out in front of a motorcyclist and almost killed the guy. My Great G. mother was 87 at the time and was put into a home. Dont wait for a bad accident to take away their drivers license. Get an elder law attorney, I have heard a guy on the radio in the Detroit area advertise for it. Good luck.



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Jim in NC

09-07-2007 18:17:44




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Gus, My stepfather died in March of 2006. Mom"s health was failing proir to that. She does have some competence left, but just forgetful. I approached her last summer about changing her will. She was agreeable, but took pushing to get it done.

You need a DURABLE power of attourney for most all financial decisions. Some institutions may not even recognize this. Ask your attorney. Also, get a medical power of attorney. It is a must. You may need to update their will as well. Cost to my mom, about $500.

Go to a welfare or social service office and they will specifically tell you what your parents can have and still qualify for medicare, I was told $2000 in cash, the residence and adjoining land if it is all covered by one deed, personal items, and a car. It can be a clunker or a Rolls royce, doesn"t matter.

Find out what medical insurance they have and learn about it. There will be open enrollment soon for the prescription plans if they do not have a supplemental policy, one that pays what Medicare does not. You may need to investigate these.

You have a lot to do, but when it is over, you will not regret it. Good Luck and I hope this helps a little.

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old

09-07-2007 18:04:45




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Know how that goes. My dad before he died in may had that problem also. About 5 years ago when they found he had it he gave me the farm and the equipment to keep the Gov. from getting it if he or my mom wnet into a home. My mom who is still doing well took his check book and because of a wreck the cops took his liense. No matter what its a hard road to hoe when your parents have that problem because they will only get worse

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rrlund

09-07-2007 16:23:11




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Deepest sympathy. Had an aunt that hung on for 12 years with it. An uncle said if he thought he was ever going to get like that,he'd go out with a shot gun and end it all. Trouble is,when he did get it,he didn't know it,so couldn't go through with it. He didn't last long thankfully. Dad had a stroke that took him a year ago,so never had to go through it. Got a neighbor that has it real bad right now. He drove about a year longer than he should have. His wife had to tell him when to turn and stop,bad situation. One daughter wanted to yank it,brothers said wait til it expired. Trouble is,it expired a year later than they thought it did. That daughter lives with them now,full time job for her riding herd on him. He's pretty violent and getting worse. They just don't want to take him out of his home. Sad situation. I sure wish you the best.

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Marvin Gill

09-07-2007 22:00:02




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to rrlund, 09-07-2007 16:23:11  
My dad has been in a nursing home for the last 5 years with Alzheimers. It is understandable not to want to remove them from their home but once they get used to the nursing home, then they don"t want to leave. It is the one of the hardest things in the world to take care of a parent with Alzheimers.



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Mark in Md

09-07-2007 16:14:35




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
You are starting down a very long and expensive road. I went through the same thing with my parents several years ago. If there is any equity in their home it won't take long to eat it up at $3000/person/month for assisted care.And as you said the issue of them driving.The bad part is if you have their licenses lifted you or better half will become the taxi service.There will be hard feelings if you aren't there right when they need something or want to go somewhere.You need to get a power of attorney ASAP,so what funds they do have will go to their well being and future care and not to scam artists,home improvement contractors or dubious charities.Like I said,BTDT and my heart goes out to you.

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Vern-MI

09-07-2007 15:35:21




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Going through that with my parents right now. They are 90 and 93 years of age. We tried to get the doctor to indicate that they were not fit to drive and that didn't work. Then we tried to get the license bureau to say that they couldn't renew their license and that didn't work. Finally we just flat out made them give up their driving privileges and sold their car. We have already moved them out of their house because they didn't have enough sense to close the doors and windows or take care of the house themselves and the neighbors were calling at all hours to report ma and pa's strange behavior. They spent three years in independent living until the management their said they couldn't stay any longer and must be sent to assisted living. Now they are in assisted living and we get the blame for everything they don't like. The tables have turned and we have to take the responsibility for them instead of them taking responsibility for us. The decisions are hard to make but must be made regardless. They are safe and living in a clean environment and get three meals a day. They have made many friends and enjoy the company of others but we still get blasted for them being "Put in a home". They had cans of food stored everywhere, in the closets, under the bed, under the sofa, in the garage, in the basement, in the shop, and in the attic. Asked what they were planning on doing with all the food and all they could say is well you never know what might happen. Do you know what really old canned pineapple tastes like? They lived like they were penniless but we discovered that they are worth over million dollars. They have lived through the great depression and fear that it will occur again.
Just remember your turn is coming.

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mjbrown

09-07-2007 15:44:26




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Vern-MI, 09-07-2007 15:35:21  
That doesn't sound like alzheimers to me. Usually they aren't able to remember who or what got them into the home. My mom knew she was in the "home" but had no recollection of how she came to be there. She would ask if her parents (looong dead) were ever going to come and get her. That was tough.



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RobMD

09-07-2007 15:34:31




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
*sigh... well, I don't want to get all up into your business, but please report to the Dr. that they should not be driving. I'm sure he will oblige. It wouldn't have to be your "fault"

Again, I don't really wanna go further, but it seems to me like your parents are very active for their age? Are they still mentally conscious of what exactly their finances situation is?

If they have the ability to convey information very well, YOU NEED to communicate with them THE MOST YOU CAN--- BEFORE they degrade into a worse state (GOD FORBID that happen, SIR!!).

I am simply suggesting that you all need to have a good talk, it can be about anything. I know my mother talked to my grandmother as much as she could before my g-ma sunk into a big state of alz's.

Definitely get them off the road and don't worry too much about the money thing. Again, i'm just going by the honor thy father and mother commandment.

Good luck

Robert in MD

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mjbrown

09-07-2007 15:27:00




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
You have to get power of attorney for their finacial affairs. you will have to see a lawyer to do it. If they refuse to sign you may have to force the issue. I don't know how that is done. My mom signed with no problem. Then they have no check book to give to all the "charities" that are bleeding them white. Good luck. Make sure there is no way their creditors can go after any of your assests to pay your folks bills. The "charities" may be in the sights of the govmint to give back.

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IaGary

09-07-2007 15:24:09




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Unless there assets are worth lots more than a hundred grand you might as well let them continue to give there money away and let the state take care of them when its gone.

Gary



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MNBob

09-07-2007 15:07:32




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 Re: Way far OT- Alzheimers and the folks in reply to Gus, 09-07-2007 15:00:25  
Gus other than protecting your family (wife and kiddies)financially, you just want them to be comfortable and happy. If you have already given up on getting the house and much for inheritance you can live with the rest. Your turn to help them and be supportive. But you are right about the license. Talk to the Dr. and have him report condition to license bureau or whatever, you dont need to be the bad guy. Good luck, Bob

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