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O/T Things couldn't have been that bad?

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bradk

12-05-2006 16:57:15

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Well,I got a call today from a neighbor that a friend of ours shot himself last night.
I know that he's been down,but not that far down!
Almost a year ago,his wife left him because of his drinking & partying.Took the kids with her & moved about 60 mi from here.
Boy,I don't know,but this time of year is always hard on folks down on their luck.I heard on the radio that the holiday season is the highest rate of suicide.
It seems like yesterday that the neighbor,a young single guy shot himself.I was the speaker at his funeral two years ago,right after Thanksgiving.
You know,it never dawned on me when the guy was over last weekend and was giving me some of his tools(he was a handyman/mason)and hardware.And he said he had to get something from his car(which he keeps parked at my place).I know now that he was planning this,and everyone(including myself)was too busy to see the signs.The guy was so darn good-hearted that if he had it,he'd give ya the shirt off his back!
Anyway,I thought I could tell you guys about this as I feel we're kinda family here.
Keep an eye out for folks that might be less fortunate than we are.
You guys take care.
~brad

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bob farrell

12-06-2006 10:26:07

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

I have a friend that is not acting right (different than he used to) and has been unable to tell me what is wrong. He has very little interest in anything and shows almost total uninterest in regular conversation about anything. He is being medicated for depression.

What is depression and WHAT can a friend DO????

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motrack

12-06-2006 13:45:55

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bob farrell, 12-06-2006 10:26:07

depression is caused be a inbalance of chemicals in the brain. loss of a family member, job stress, money problems can all bring on depression. some like myself medicaly are at a higher risk for it.

every one experiences low points in their lives but some people such as myself cant seem to bounce back.

if your friend is taking meds and still struggling his dosage my need adjusting or his doc may need to switch him to a different med.

I tried 3 different meds unitl we found one that worked well for me.

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bob farrell

12-06-2006 10:25:37

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

What is depression and WHAT can a friend DO????

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Animal

12-06-2006 07:45:41

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

I am going to get on the soap box here, I do not mean to offend any one but I am going to air some thoughts. Every one on this board has one thing in common, and that is the old tractors. Like it or not the main reason we love this old iron is because it is simple common sense engineering, and it reminds us of a simpler day, most of it takes us back to our youth. It did not make any difference if you were broke because everyone else was too. You respected your mother and father not because they gave you money or fancy gifts but because they broke their hump to keep you fed, warm and clothed. This time of year brings back fond memories of stockings filled with nuts, hard tack candy and a bananna. One toy under a tree that we cut down out of the woods covered with decorations that we made ourselves. For me I got a new shirt mom had made of an evening after we went to bed, my sister got home made dresses, I could go on and on but you get the picture. I have a list here of the wants of my grand kids this year, not sent by them but E mailed by their mother.... My wife and I are in a pi$$ing match right now over their list, when I go to their home it looks like a toys R us these bratts want for nothing!!! The day I stand in line for hours or days for a play station shoot me I have lost my mind. Our society has gone to hell in a hand basket, when people like this poor fella can not provide this bunch of nothingness for his loved ones they feel like failures. You stated he had a big heart and generosity, to be able to pass that on to his children would have been the finest gift of all. The only way to help these people as I see it is for us as a society, is to throttle back, seperate our wants from our needs, and especially be kind to our fello man. Riches come in many forms, not just dollars and cents. Think more about this when you are purchasing, not just for christmas, but all through the year. Do I need this or do I just want it? If we all did this we could bring the world back in to reallity, and make the people who are having such a struggle not feel like loosers..... ..Mike

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bradk

12-06-2006 10:21:00

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to Animal, 12-06-2006 07:45:41

Animal,that was beautifully put.I really long for simpler times.My mom has said that I was born about 40 years too late.She said the 50's were a great time to be young.
Society has their focal points on money,sucess and material things and seem to put family in last.So sad.
I gazed in my friend's car which he left at my place and seen a pile of credit card statements all over the pass side seat and floor.I'm sure everything was maxed out.
The kids of the deceased are about 12 and 13.The kids are HELL on wheels and in my opinion way out of control.Always disrespecting their parents like telling them to "shut up".The youngest told me about a year ago that he hated his mom.
That statement has burned itself in my brain and I wonder what their reaction was when they heard the news.
I'm proud to say that I have a wonderful relationship w/my 10yr old son and we have the highest repect for each other.Something that is not common these days,so it seems.I guess I got it from my folks.
I'd like to think that being raised on a farm makes for a closer family,but love,devotion and respect can make for a happy and strong family anywhere.Take care.
~brad

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motrack

12-06-2006 04:45:11

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

as one who suffers from depression and takes meds for it I can say its a sucking black hole.

the signs of your friends illness were there if you knew what to look for.

I suffered with depression from age 22 to 39 before I finally realized how the illness had taken a toll on me, my family, my friends.

It cost me a wife, contact with family who did not understand why I simply could not "walk it off",and caused me problems with employers.

I am now on meds for it and will most likely be for the rest of my life.

Funny thing is other than a bad day now and then the dark clouds are gone, the glass is half full not half empty.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend but understand he saw it as the only way to stop his hurting. I have been in that same place myself more than once.

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upred

12-05-2006 20:27:31

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

Don't blame yourself, it was something he felt he had to do, and made his mind up to do it. 6 years ago september I found my boss dead of a self inflicted gsw to the head, I had a tough time with it as I was in the shop talking to him, and when I left to go to a job, I was about a 1/2 block away when I heard the shot. I blamed my self for not recognizing he was depressed.

Sorry for your loss, it is always hard to loose friends and family. Rick

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fixerupper

12-05-2006 19:28:45

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

Sorry to hear about your friend and I have great sympathy for his family. He obviously was in more turmoil than we will ever understand. A brother-in-law did that about ten years ago and for a long time the thought kept going through mind "what if I would have happened to stop by that day when he was feeling bad and talked to him". Would that have helped him to feel better and prevented him from taking his life? I don't know the answer. Jim

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NE IA Dave

12-05-2006 19:20:40

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

I suppose to understand one must wear their shoes. I feel with the stress in our comunity that may well become more of a issue. Jobs that will pay for the gas to get you to work are very much a thing of the past. Disability from Social Security is less than a joke. What does a person do when there is no money after a failed relationship? The feeling of when they have taken everything away --then they have set you free --seems to be forthcoming in their minds. Dark clouds take over the sun filled sky, yet we must understand the sun is actualy still up there shinning, yet impossible to see. I have three different friends that say death will not come soon enough. They are tired of the endless fight, all three stem around their government, and the stupid statments made that ---There is help out there if you need it--. I run on the local EMS in our small town and know that 60-70% of those needing medical attention attempt to decline as they know they can not afford the cost. It happens much to often that we are asked to just let them die. I have talked to many divorced folks as I am always gifted with late night calls wondering what they should do in a broken relationship that is heading for the courts. It is overwhelming to say the least. I will make a very bold statment that dealing with divorce only a handfull will say that they did not think that death would be the best option at least once. If only they could be put in a temporary time freeze zone for a year or two till it gets better. I'm sorry to hear of your loss, and when it happens we all wonder how we could of perhaps changed the last picture. Depression takes on many forms, and perhaps someday we can sort out those at high risk. Till then we will all drop our jaws and wonder, as death seems so final with such a abrupt stop. NE IA Dave

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paul

12-05-2006 18:34:14

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

Sorry to hear. Experienced that a few years ago. Was a guy we hung around with 3 days a week. You don't see the signs, nothing you coulda done. Don't blame yourself.

--->Paul

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las vegas

12-05-2006 18:02:36

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

i"m sorry, brad for your loss...people don"t need to pull the trigger on themselves...no matter how bad it is. I know that God has something for him, but I will also pray for your losses.

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mjbrown

12-05-2006 17:05:13

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to bradk, 12-05-2006 16:57:15

I am truely sorry to hear about your friend. He almost certainly suffered from depression and it most likely was to root cause of the things that were going wrong in his life. There is a lot that can be done to treat it but it is very hard to convice people to get the help they need, men in particular. Very sad. My condolences.

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bradk

12-06-2006 10:26:32

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Re: O/T Things couldn't have been that bad? in reply to mjbrown, 12-05-2006 17:05:13

Guys
Thanks from the bottom of my heart for the kind words and thoughts.I'm tellin' ya,this tractor collecting thing is great therapy for the mind and soul.
Where else could you find such great people on the internet?
Happy Holidays guys!!
~brad

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