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Tractor Talk Discussion Forum

OT: gosh darnit

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hillbillyOH

11-26-2006 18:23:25




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I just found out that my good friend has relapsed, and is drinking and smoking pot again. Part of me wants to snap his neck. He's already had three DUI convictions, but I guess that isn't enough for him.

It's terrible because he seemed to be doing so well. He was sober, working steadily, paying off his bills, etc.

About three weeks ago his attitude started to change. He was hyper, belligerent, and acted like he couldn't wait to get away from the rest of us. Now I know why, at least.

I'm just sick over this. How do you deal with someone who seems intent on destroying themselves?

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Rickstir

11-28-2006 09:12:33




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Maybe too late. This could be the funk some people get into this time of year when there is decreased sunlight. This could set him off. Just a thought



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TimS in Mo

11-27-2006 09:35:54




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Just a thought, there are some good medicines available for folks suffering from anxiety or depression ( which a lot of alchohol or substance abusers are, they drink or get high to try and feel better ).

The SSRI medications can really help a lot of folks ( Prozac, Zoloft, etc, they are almost all available as generics so they are pretty cheap these days as well, cheaper than a 12 pack of beer a day for sure ).

If you can get him to a doctor and get a script for one of those, it could help him feel a lot better without the drugs and alcohol....

I know, its better living thru pharmacology and all that...but its less destructive than him drinking or druging himself to death. And far less dangerous them him getting drunk and driving his car into some innocent folks.

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hillbillyOH

11-27-2006 08:49:11




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit -- thanks for the advice in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
I appreciate all the advice that has been offered on this thread.

This friend spent a lot of time out at our farm during his last DUI stint. We did a lot of hard work, and I thought we had talked through his drinking/drug problem. Guess not.

His main problem is that he doesn't yet know himself. Although I've warned him about his destructive streak, he hasn't yet recognized it, harnessed it, or dealt with it.

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HENRY E NC

11-27-2006 07:55:03




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Stumpalump is right on. I went thru a bad period of my life when I was 42 and lost everything. Don't be an encourager. Tell it like it is. I am now 32 years 9 mos and 29 days sober thanks to the Lord. Your friend must want to stay sober and will be able to do it when he accepts The Lord as his master amd turns it all over to him.



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Stumpalump

11-27-2006 07:43:57




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
He is a write off! Tell him he is a write off. Tell him drugs and alcohol are going to kill him and you arn't going to be around to watch him die. If you run with dogs you will get fleas. Tell him you don't want fleas. Give him nothing but an offer to take him to an AA meeting or rehab. Let him know your freindship exist only when he cares about himself. I can say this because I am a recovering Alcoholic, Pot head, Crack head, P.O.S myself. 13 years, 10 months, 17 days sober. Drinking is what we do and a relaps is not the end of the world. Encourage your freind to get back in the program of AA and encourage his progress but don't put up with ANY lipservice while he continues his destruction. The holidays are a tuff time for a drunk even a sober one. God will help him if he asks.

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the Unforgiven

11-27-2006 07:05:35




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
That is a tough one Hillbilly. Everybody has a different breaking point, and until he reaches it or has a "moment of clarity", he probably won't change. For me, it just happened one morning. The State of Nebraska and my family and friends were unable to convince me, I had to get tired of it myself. In the years since I have made serious efforts to help some of my friends that were burning in, and my success rate has been very poor, it is quite frustrating. If you can get them to UNDERSTAND that there IS a BETTER WAY to live, then you have a chance, but they have to make up thier own mind before any real progress can happen. Sadly, some people will never change, and you have to watch them die, it is thier choice. You may do everything in your power, but it may or may not help, it is thier choice. And I do miss them terribly.

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Jim Johnson

11-27-2006 05:21:45




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
As hard as it is to watch there isn't anything you can do until they want to help themselves. Let him know you will be there when he does but never offer monetary help because they will take advantage of you and then you lose a friend.



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don t.-9n180179

11-27-2006 03:30:13




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
In no particular order....
....Its up to him to stay clean & sober. You will not make him do anything he doesnot want to do.
....He's already proved he can be clean & sober. Now its a matter of why he chose his current road.
....They will suck the life out of you, or most anything they touch, if allowed. Its the nature of the beast.
....Listen and provide alternatives if you can. ....Idle hands are not good, but the same can be said for all work and no play. ....It can be a long, slow road to travel.
....My road started June 16, 1986, because I was ready to travel. The last 20 years has been a great ride, better than the fist 28. Good luck, prayers to you and your friend.

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No tools

11-26-2006 21:25:39




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Well hillbillyoh it's rough.
DAm near lost it all few years ago???
11 days in rehab. 107 councel visit's.once a week it ain't cheap but payed off.I'd do it again.
The man up stairs was really supporting.
It will take time and patience but work with him .thanks to my wife and kids A (and the great people around me). THE Rope had broke but they was standing there!!.(Plaese) Try to convince him
it is worth it.AND AGAIN IT AIN't easy.
I DON'T want to be there AGAIN. THANK TO MAN ABOVE. SURE IS EMBARRESSING. AGAIN TRY_TRY_TRY HE is surely worth it.
BILL

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DRL

11-26-2006 21:14:31




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
The only thing you can do is offer to drive him to a rehab center. If he does not want to change his ways, you can't change them for him. Went through this with an grown son. Didn't want to change. Took living on the streets for several months and finally a little jail time before he decided that the road he was traveling was not going in the right direction. Let your friend know that you will be there for him if and when he decides to make a change in his life. Until he wants to change the only thing you can do for him is offer up prayers for him and hand it over to the Lord. You can't carry your friend's burden for him. It's a tough row to hoe for both of you, but don't let his problems bring you down.

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R2D2

11-26-2006 19:42:18




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
the ole dude just having some fun. leave him alone he ain't bothering you. if he's got a sister they are welcome at my house,and if he ain't makes no matter. what's your problem anyway.



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No tools

11-27-2006 02:28:31




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to R2D2, 11-26-2006 19:42:18  
R2 you are an idiot!
I've been in his friends shoes it ain't no fun!!
GOD never made anyone perfect (BUT)! he can sure make a perfect live for you!!....
Sure wish i could help him!! That friend
I would'nt be here this morning had'nt been for my family and great friends at work.
IT takes Establish timber to stand.....
BILL



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John S-B

11-26-2006 20:05:38




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to R2D2, 11-26-2006 19:42:18  
R2, you're an idiot! Hillbilly is expressing some concern for a freind that is having a problem. Number one, he's already had 3 DUI's. That just means he only got caught 3 times. I hope he's not driving anywhere near my family or myself. Number two, if he's smoking weed there's a very good chance it came from some crime syndicate that has killed, robbed or beat someone. Or worse yet, it's funding some terrorist group. Thirdly, he's going to end up unemployed or in jail and be a burden to the taxpayers. He's lucky he has a freind that's concerned about him. Sounds like to me you probably are about in the same state as Hillbilly's freind. Hillbilly you're doing the right thing in worring about your freind. Do what ever it takes, you may be saving his life or someone else's.

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J.C.H.

11-26-2006 20:31:58




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to John S-B, 11-26-2006 20:05:38  
Ditto for the Idiot and add Moron from me.



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Davis In SC

11-26-2006 19:41:53




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
There is just a Demon that takes control of some people.. A friend of mine has a brother that cannot get away from that.. He has a great job, 6-figure income, he has beautiful women chasing after him... Seems like he has a perfect life, but several times a year, things fall apart, he gets wild & ends up in jail or Detox.. I guess it something we will never understand.. I have learned, though.. Be careful, helping out people with problems.. they will drag you down with them, given the chance. Sometimes you have to just be cold-hearted...

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Hermit

11-26-2006 19:29:46




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Turn him in to the cops. I don't care about him but I do care about the person he'll kill while driving drunk or high. If he wants to kill himself, that's his problem. He doesn't have a right to kill others with his problem.



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robhkent

11-26-2006 19:03:29




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Get him some help!!... Something, anything, Prayer! JAIL!

I am a lot emphatic.. A cousin of mine was buried today....A direct result of the situation you describe. He was only 19.

Rob



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Blue3992

11-26-2006 18:46:10




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Dang, that's rough watching a friend implode like that.

I'm no psychologist or anything, but you know the old saying "Idle hands are the Devil's workshop?" This time of year, it gets dark early, and its cold. Me personally, after I get off work, its too dark and/or cold out to do a lot of things I enjoy, so I end up taking part in vices that I know are bad for me. In my case, it’s spending a lot of time watching TV and eating crappy food. I don't plan on it; it just seems to happen that way.

The stress and pain of the holidays don't help anything either.

Maybe your friend is going through something similar?

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Blue3992

11-26-2006 18:46:08




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Dang, that's rough watching a friend implode like that.

I'm no psychologist or anything, but you know the old saying "Idle hands are the Devil's workshop?" This time of year, it gets dark early, and its cold. Me personally, after I get off work, its too dark and/or cold out to do a lot of things I enjoy, so I end up taking part in vices that I know are bad for me. In my case, it’s spending a lot of time watching TV and eating crappy food. I don't plan on it; it just seems to happen that way.

The stress and pain of the holidays don't help anything either.

Maybe your friend is going through something similar?

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Steve From Arkansas

11-26-2006 18:45:48




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 Re: OT: gosh darnit in reply to hillbillyOH, 11-26-2006 18:23:25  
Plenty of long talks with the Great Physician. Prayer works wonders. I will put your fiend on our prayer list at church.



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