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Tractor Talk Discussion Forum

Well since we are O-T heres one

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old

11-26-2005 19:30:54




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What do you guy think about a brother of mine that is 56 and lives with my parents. He has no job, no money, no car, and has big ideas, but doesn't do any more then put others down and sits on his A$$. Its taxing my pareents money and hes not doing much as far as helping them other then help eat there food. What should I do, I have my parents backing by the way. Thanks




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chvet73

11-27-2005 20:40:30




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
We did this a few months ago. The best thing I learned from that was, there's one in every family.



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wdtom

11-27-2005 14:38:18




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
What you should do is what should have been done 25 years ago, tell him to get a job. You will end up taking him to work and picking him up until he can buy a car. You may need to manage his paycheck until he can afford a car, giving him a small amount of spending money each week. At this point he contributes each week or hits the road.



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Coldiron

11-27-2005 11:53:42




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Old, It sounds as though your parents just can not say NO to your brother since he has made them feel that he needs help. He needs to be told that he is a MAN and is expected to pull his own weight unless he is handicapped in some way that would make it unrealistic. He can always get a room, share an apt and take a lower paying job that would no longer burden your parents. Circumstances of lenghth of time he has been there, health, job loss and retraining time would hinge on being put on the sidewalk. It may save them money to give him a handful of cash and say "OUT" but tough love is hard to start after 56 yrs. Your parents are enabling his lifestyle and someone has to tell him he has overstayed his welcome. Are they in fear of their safety if a confrontation arises?

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KX

11-27-2005 11:38:29




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
No way to satisfy all parties in this situation (from my experience anyway). I have family that would run through every dime my Grandmother would give them, then steal from her to boot. When I confronted them, my Grandmother got mad AT ME. It seems that some people like being used as much as others like taking advantage.

My advice to you, MOVE FAR AWAY. I live 1200 miles from any relative and have no date on my agenda to pay visit. Works great this way.

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dr.sportster

11-27-2005 09:46:18




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Well if hes on drugs and drinking then he needs about a year rehab.If its just he is eating and living in his old high school bedroom then I think its your parents call,not yours.I would still give him lectures and all but nothing that could lead to fisticuffs like trying to physically remove him.Your parents should get some brochures about condos in Florida and hint about him getting an apartment.Its a little deceitful but once he moves they just change their minds about Florida.Im just saying dont let it ruin family relationships if you end up wanting to kick his butt.With no car and no job he is planted pretty good.

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bj/8n/mt

11-27-2005 09:11:56




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Whatever you do do it soon. At fifty six and gainfully unemployed he probably doesn't have enough covered quarters to qualify for social security. If that is the case he is going to be someone's problem forever unless some one fixes his wagon now.

Your mileage may vary



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Billy NY

11-27-2005 07:51:52




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
I'm just wondering how long he's been there, most people like to live on their own, you have to recall when you were younger, how much most people want to get out on their own, and make their own way, get away from the "tribal elders" and "not in my house" parental unit atmosphere. I think sucessful parents are ones that help prepare you for life, at least give you the benefit of the doubt of trying to teach you the basics, "get a degree", "learn a trade that pays", "do something you like at least", "save what you can", "be responsible", "don't screw up your credit", "make a smart investment or 2", "plan a retirement early", etc. etc.. I got out as soon as I graduated H.S. at 17, eventually got that degree,paid for that myself, also learned a good paying trade operating earthmoving equip. and then moved on to upper managment in the construction industry, with a solid foundation underneath me, had all the low paying jobs for awhile too, and it really was tough for more than a few years, but that is what makes you want to do better, because you work hard all day and can barely put food on the table let alone have some for a rainy day. Now I can write my own ticket after all the time put in. That aside I hope he's done something in life, not been at home all these years, (that is a real late start)if not, the rude awakening will not be pleasant, and that negativity regarding the knocking of others, goes hand in hand with leading an inactive life, you have to stay active, it certainly helps, no time to think too much. I hope it works out somehow, but it's one of those tough situations that has to be reckoned with at some point. Either it's time for a heavy duty skull session and an agreed timely exit plan or the boot !

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Harley

11-27-2005 07:31:53




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
old, relatives and fish are a lot alike. After three days they both start to stink, Harley



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wayne2

11-27-2005 07:30:23




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Didn't we do this couple months AGO??? Wanna buy my henway???



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wayne2

11-27-2005 07:46:36




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to wayne2, 11-27-2005 07:30:23  
Down&dirty-give him pacifier and box of diapers for 25th Dec.!!!!



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Robhkent

11-27-2005 06:33:46




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Old:

Some good ideas by people here..
Here is mine.

At 56 he can support himself if he wants so....
30 days notice, he will be out, job or no job, place to live or not. He can find a job, McDonalds etc.. is always hiring.

The POA from your parents is a good idea, also consider having your name be put on their bank accounts as an OWNER and a SIGNER, maybe even make it require two sigs, yours and thiers. It sounds like they are still independent, so that could be a major issue. Do you have other brothers, or sisters?? If so get them on board to monitor you. That will save potential hard feelings in the future.

Most important, you can't get out of this with everone happy, so be ready for that. I think you sound like you are!

Rob

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Redmud

11-27-2005 05:53:17




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Old, this should have happened about 30 years ago and you would have had the blessings of all the kinfolk, neighbors, and townfolk. Let it go another 10 years, and you will get nailed by kinfolk, neighbors, and townfolk, for put'n old folks out on the street. Don't put it off any longer...



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4010guy

11-27-2005 05:51:21




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
what did you say 56 shucks hes still young hes got all kinds of time to grow just give him a few more years ha ha ha lol im shure untill now every thing has been fine(FOR HIM)



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phil in ns

11-27-2005 05:29:57




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Old ,on a lighter note,,, your asking the opinion from a bunch a folks who,when asked what to do about stray dogs,,agreed 95% to either shoot, poisen ,or do other nasty things to them ,so you probalby already knew what the response would be ..
good luck and make sure your brother hasn't gotten "power of attorney" papers signed by your folks or get them to sign it to you ..



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Dave H (MI)

11-27-2005 07:00:27




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to phil in ns, 11-27-2005 05:29:57  
Personally, I try to find out the source of a dog before I take the tough line, but mostly I end up taking the tough line even after I talk to the owner. Ever see what a stray dog can do to livestock? Want me to email you some pictures of the last couple of times? I keep them in case I end up in court. Now THAT is called going OT on an OT....I should be banned.



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Jim E NE IN

11-27-2005 05:24:01




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
I did the same thing a year ago this January with my little sister and her husband from my mom"s house. I got Power of Attorney 1st, spoke with police then lawyer before I evicted them. Most states have laws stating you just can"t put them out. You have to give them 5 or more days to leave. I also got backing from entire family to remove them. Due to B-in-law I also had to get restraining order on him. Hopefully you won"t have to go this far. The ones who were hurt the most were my kids and my niece as B-in-law would not allow them to visit each other or my mom. He has come around in the last few months. Would I do it again? YES!

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MarkB_MI

11-27-2005 05:14:39




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Your folks must be getting up there in age. What does brother think is going to happen when they pass away? There's a good chance you'll be supporting him next.

I would check with your state's unemployment office and county social services office. Most states have some program to get people like your brother into the workforce.

I hate to be a pessimist, but at 56, the chances of your brother learning to support himself aren't good. Good luck.

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Midwest redneck

11-27-2005 04:19:54




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Unless he is disabled (for real) then I would throw him out on his A$$. At 56 I one would think that he could actually get a job and support himself.



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B0b D. (La)

11-27-2005 03:12:07




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Think I would use parents backing along with other siblings and make him hit the road. At 56, he knows he's just mooching and too lazy to work. He will not change unless forced to do so. Time for him to support himself. JMHO Bob D. (La)



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ricedaddy

11-26-2005 21:40:50




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Old, have a neighbor that had the same problem, finannl the other siblings put him out, best thing for both of them! I think everyone needs to learn to make it on their own!



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BobMo

11-26-2005 19:33:40




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 19:30:54  
Now Old, haven't we heard this before? I though you had taken care of this....



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old

11-26-2005 20:32:05




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to BobMo, 11-26-2005 19:33:40  
At this time no but



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phil in ns

11-27-2005 05:07:43




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 20:32:05  
Old.. your parents should do what my Mom did ,day after graduation from trade school ,,house went on the market and she moved to africa ,,,,guess being the last of 8 kids she had had enough ..
I had a $6 buck an hour job and off I went...had some hard years ,,actually many hard years ,,but eventually things getting better ,and boy you learn ,,
At 56 sounds like your bro needs the tough love my Mom gave me ..

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john in la

11-27-2005 05:07:12




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 Re: Well since we are O-T heres one in reply to old, 11-26-2005 20:32:05  
And that seems like the problem.

Everyone keeps putting it off hoping your brother will do the right thing on his own.

It is very hard to put someone you love on the street but it is needed sometimes.



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