Kids... need some serious advice...

Daycare will run about $500 per month. Health insurance will go up about $250 per month. Add to that the cost of diapers for 2 to 3 years, formula, baby food, clothes, etc. and I just don't understand where we are supposed to get the $$$.

We do not live an extravegant life by any means. Our apartment is in a decent neighborhood and probably the cheapest we can find that includes a garage. I drive a car that is worth about $2500, and she drives a car we make payments on - nothing fancy either. I spend about $100 per month that I wouldn't need to. She spends about $100 per month on hobbies. Together we spend about $100 per month on clothes for work...

We have our debt under control, car payment and student loan payment along with a small amount of credit card debt that will be gone in about 6 months.

I would like to have some nice things in my life - such as restoring a tractor every couple of years, and I have a pickup I would like to restore over the next few years. She likes her hobbies as well and would not want to give them up.

I'm all for having a son or daughter, I would love to have my own child. I just don't understand where the money comes from? Do they give you an automatic raise just for having children or something? I have heard from our parents and friends that "things will just work out on their own" but I need more financial security than that. I would like to retire someday, ya know.

Please help me understand!

I wish that I had my kids earlier in life, but that is not how it worked out for me. I am blessed to now have them, since we didn't know if we ever would. Which brings up another point. Every year you wait WILL reduce your chances of ever having kids and it WILL make it more expensive and risky to have them. If I had waited until I was completely ready to have children, then I doubt that I ever would have had any. It is just a huge decision.

The fact that you are actually concerned and thinking about the biggest choice of your life gives me hope that another set of caring and loving parents are about to be concieved.

Thank you for that! I want to be able to properly provide for my child and my wife.

There is some good advice on the forum and some that, well, I’ll leave it to you. As others I commend you for wanting to be financially responsible before you have kids but I found out personally that if I waited until I could afford them I might still be waiting and I’m almost 49 now.

Yes, you will need food, diapers, etc and other costs will come along. We can’t see the future, we don’t know if we will get a fantastic job offer in a year or two that is what we want to do for a wage that will more than provide for us or if we won’t. We don’t even know if we will have a job tomorrow or next year or will be out of work. We do know that tomorrow we will have one day less to live. There is no way to get more time, we will all end up dead some day.

My opinion is that your age (your wife’s too) is the most important consideration when deciding to start or add to your family. Once it is gone you can not get your youth back. You can not get more time later in life if you suddenly decide you want more. I was in my early 30s when my sons were born. (I got married at 27.) Many times I would see younger parents spend more time with their kids playing catch etc than I did. This was because I didn’t think I had either time or energy to do that. Sometimes I wished that I was younger when I had my kids, but always accepted reality. (However, as I got older, my boys and I grew a lot closer as we worked on things together, but then I also like working with teenagers :>).)

You sound like an intelligent and ambitious person. I don’t mean to make light of the financial thing, but the worst thing that can happen to you financially is that you end up bankrupt and that might happen weather you have kids or not. Every thing we do or acquire in life takes time, money, or both. Some things have greater returns (either monetarily or in a personal nature) than others for their cost. Having children costs money, but I have found out that they return so much more.

Here is a true story. Thirty-five years ago a man was on the local school board trying hard to save a small town school. He was very dedicated to education and providing as quality an education as possible, and to that end worked hard get an addition to the school built in order to upgrade the facility and keep the school up to date. Later, his grandsons attended that small high school and every day walked the hallway in that addition past the plaque with their grand dad’s name on it as chairman of the board when that addition was built. The oldest one graduated with high honors, a 3.9 GPA and is on the dean’s list at the college he is attending and studying to be an engineer. His younger brother is doing almost as well in high school. Both boys had many other accomplishments while attending that school. Both boys took advantage of the opportunities that their grandfather worked so hard to make possible! The sad part of this story is that their grandfather died before his grandson’s were even born…he never knew what all his hard work had accomplished for his very own grandsons.

Time is our ever constant companion…

My 2 cents…

Thank you for your thoughts and advice.

Bottom line,you both want kids,go for it!!..it'll all work itself out..

Tim

Thank you for your thoughts.

You have to want the kids as we did and the grandkids are great if thats what you want.

You have the ability to make it work if you want it to. You have a good head on your shoulders.

Good Luck.

Since your hung up on "affording" childeren, then maybe you should look at where you are now, involuntary bankruptcy. HUH?

Involentary bankruptcy(IB) is when your debt obligations exceed your cash assests.

Now if you get to thinking about that term then you will quickly see probably 90% of the people are in IB and remain so until latter on in there life. I was about 45 until I was solvent, meaning my cash assets far exceed my debt load.

We had both our childeren during the time we were in IB. Paid $850 cash for our first child and made $650 on our second child. We couldn't afford either child at the time from what I know now. How did we afford them? We just did it. Second job, cut back on spending, investing. No TV or puter.

If you want children, it will happen some how.

T_Bone

I'll be using my phone for the last time tomorrow to call and cancel all my "frivolous" things like cable TV and internet service. I think we might have to keep the electricity so we can have lights to read by at night and a refridgerator to keep the food from spoiling, not much ice down here in AZ for an ice box.

I'll also need to call Dad and tell him that I will no longer be able to provide him with "cheap to free" labor on the farm, as I will be obligated to work my second job on the weekends and through all of my breaks from school and during the summer. I'm sure he will be happy that I'll no longer be selfishly spending 90% of my vacation time working on the farm for little or no pay so that I can provide him with a granddaughter or grandson.

Please check out eBay for my auctions of "hobby" toys and books, perhaps tools too. Ya know, wrenching on cars is such a wasteful hobby that I suppose I'll need to stop changing my own oil and all that selfish nonsense. Need to get rid of the computer as well, no Internet means no point in having one of those self-indulgent gadgets!

I'll also be calling the bank to have them repo my wife's car - we all know it's just "extra" that we don't need anyway. Then I can let the phone company know we don't need them anymore.

Every extra penny can then go to those student loans, should manage to have them paid off by the end of the school year without all that other selfish stuff to pay for. That way the Mrs. doesn't have to sign up for another year and we can get to working on having a family and raising it right, without the help for people getting paid minimum wage.

Thanks again for helping me to see the light!

Smart Lady, lucky for me, I swept her off of her feet 27 years ago and married her before she came to her senses.

If you have saved $2000 is 6 weeks (for taxes), you are not exactly living check to check like I got the impression of the first time I read your post.

Get the student loans paid off.

Lose the cable TV, cell phones, his and hers "hobbies", nights out with the "boys" and "girls". Eat at McDon's supper club instead of the more expensive places.

If you teach, you probably have health insurance though work.

Get an extra job during the summer.

Lose the daycare..provide daycare for 2 other kids, $1500/month (what you get and also what you don't spend on daycare yourself) isn't to bad of money.

If you BOTH are committed to having kids, they can be the best thing that ever happened to you, if both if you are not 100%, totally happy with the kid decesion, it can be the worst thing to happen to you.

You can find 1000's of ways to make it work IF you want to, also you will find 1000's of excuses for it to fail if that's what you want.

We are paying off our student loans as quickly as we can. I felt the little bit of credit card debt (that we acquired in moving to our jobs) at $12% interest was more important than 3% college money.

We are supposed to live without a phone?

We might eat out once a week at a fast food place and once a month at a "nicer" restaurant (cost under $20).

Health insurance through work is free until we have a child. Then they take an extra $250 per month, probably will go up every year.

Quit the job that pays health insurance and retirement to open a 2 child daycare?

We can save $2000 in 6 weeks because I was 2 months ahead on student loan payments, car payments, and had some cash put away. It will take 6 months to get back to where we were before the tax bill.

My wife wants a child, I want a child. I KNOW we can make it work. I know I can get another job. I should have been more clear in my original post. My intent is not to complain or whine, I'm sorry for riling everyone up.

Again, sorry that I want to be sure I can pay my bills before adding on to the financial obligations.

I got a suggestion for you, you two hold your fire until you get rid of those student loans. You'll be surprised how easily mumma will stay home after that. You will also be surprised just how easy it will be to provide home and living after those student loans are gone.

We've got a daughter now in her 30s just starting a family. The basic difference between you and her, she is rid of her student loans, plus she and husband have equity. Equity makes compound interest an income rather than an expence.

My mom quit teaching when she had kids. Now she is at an age where she should be able to retire, but can't because of all the years she took off to raise her family. I know that all of us are better for her being there to raise us, but now we have to watch her spend her retirement years working...

I just don't know. Maybe things don't need to be worked out in advance...

I was married in 1965 at age 23. Two years before that I bought a farm; modest house, 30x50 barn, 60 acres of cultivated land and 140 acres of spruce woodland, all for $5,000. Within 10 years I had received over $18,000. in stumpage fees from that woodlot. Our generation lived and thrived on inflation. Sadley the yuppies think their children are going to foot this bill.

Our governments here in North America think we can spend our way out of this situation with the credit card. My only advice to any young person is stay out of debt. If you are not there already, get in that position quickly as possible. I have no idea how you deal with your share of the public debt. My dad didn't have to deal with that one, thus he had no advice on the matter. It can't continue, someone is going to call those loans, and I don't think they are on our side of the Atlantic or Pacific. I will respond to your personal e mail later.

• Momma and our baby

If we needed money I would get a second job. I pay my own way and I take care of myself and my wife. If we were to have a child I would find a way to support my family.

It's a shame that two college educated, hard working Americans can't make a decent go of it these days.

Like you, "Thats my story n Im a stickin to it"

Take care yall n God Bless families n the kids

John T Nordhoff in Indiana

We are paying off the credit cards that made it possible to move 1400 miles away from home to get jobs so that we could support ourselves.

Money is my current consideration because I want to be sure that I don't end up relying on credit cards to get by. And I don't want to end up on some ridiculous government program.

Sorry for trying to be sure that I can properly handle the financial obligation of a child.

Don't pay too much attention to some of the negativity you get on here. Between my wife & I we had four kids when we got married, and then we adopted three more special needs children out of the foster care system. Kids are a royal pain in the rear, but well worth the trouble & sacrifice, particularly when one of them gets married and produces a grandchild.

First, if you wait until you think you can afford them, you'll never, ever have kids. Everybody (except those lucky enough to have rich parents) goes through the financial strains when the kids are young. Just like buying your first house...you'll live on hotdogs & beans for a few years, but you'll make it.

You'll have to re-arrange your priorities, but you'd be suprised how little you can get by on when you're properly motivated. Its a fact of life today that a lot of jobs, even professional ones, simply don't pay enough to allow young families to make it on one income, and it has nothing to do with wanting to maintain a yuppy lifestye.

One thing to think about is the cost of child care if both of you continue to work, as compared to you or your wife's take home pay. You don't say what your wife does, but maybe there's a part-time job that she could schedule around times you might be available to babysit. Yes, its great if the kid(s) can have a stay-at-home parent, but unfortunately it doesn't always work that way, and the kids survive unscathed.

I have to commend you on being responsible enough to think about things like this before you have a kid on the way. Its a decision that only you and your wife can make. Believe me, once you have that newborn in your arms, any and all sacrifices you'll be making are suddenly worth it.

Ignore the naysayers and do what's in your heart. You sound responsible & smart enough to make it with a kid.

Keith