OT - Joke

supergrumpy · Jan 27, 2011

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa."

JayinNY · Jan 27, 2011

Thats funny, Dentists told me one last month
How do you make a million dollars in farming?

Start off with 2 million!

bison · Jan 27, 2011

Yeah thats why they put a slab of concrete on some graves.

To make sure the sucker stays put.

Bryan inIowa · Jan 27, 2011

Older fella was pulled over at 1 am . Cops asked him what he was doing out so late . He explained he was going to a lecture about how bad alcohol was and the effects it has on the body . Cops asked who in the world would be giving a lecture at this hour . The guy replied "My wife " .

steve terplak · Jan 27, 2011

know the same joke...
how do you make a small fortune farming...start off with a big one.

Rusty wheel · Jan 27, 2011

Man in boat called to man on bank."Any alligators in this water"? Man on bank replied " no, haven't seen a gator in years." Man in boat jumped in the water and started to swim to shore. Man on bank yelled back "Sharks gotem all".

greenbeanman in Kansas · Jan 27, 2011

Once there was a really mean farmer and the whole community knew about him with his wife and family taking the brunt of his meanness.

I always swore up and down that he died before his wife he'd claw his way out of his casket and haunt her terribly. He was so mean the townspeople believed he could.

As it came to pass he did indeed die first. However on the day of the funeral the wife was happy and jolly whereas all of the towns people were horribly depressed.

Finally one ask the wife why she was so happy, and didn't she believe he'd claw out of his casket to get her?

Her response--I hope he does try, you see, I had him buried face down. He'll reach China before he reaches me.

Old Roy · Jan 27, 2011

An old woman goes to the doctor. During her interview, she tells the doc, "I have a problem. I pass gas a lot, but thank God I pass it silently, and it doesn't smell. I've probably passed it 20 times since I have been sitting here talking to you."

The doctor nods his head, writes her a prescription and tells her to get it filled, take it and come back in two weeks.

Two weeks later, the old woman is talking to the doctor and says, "what ever was in that prescription didn't help my gas problem a bit. As a matter of fact, now it stinks to high heaven."

The doctor says, "Good. We got your sinus problem cleared up, now we'll work on your hearing."

Bob Bancroft · Jan 27, 2011

Wife just got certified mail yesterday from one of her uncles- settling his mothers(my wifes grandmother) estate. He has been very diligent, and nicely provides great detail for about half the letter. The other half of the letter is flowery, very religious language about how wonderful she was.
This miserable old SOB(me) feels that if she were so wonderful, one thing she would have done is to have gotten her affairs in order and not left such a mess. The uncle should have kept what little was left over for his labor.
Why do so many people believe what they want to believe? How about the truth?
It's my goal to live in such a way and choose my associates so that what is said about me now and after my demise are one in the same.

Goose · Jan 27, 2011

A fellow died, and during the eulogy during the funeral service, the preacher opened the floor to anyone who wanted to add a few kind words about the guy.

Nobody moved. The preacher thought maybe he hadn't been understood, so he repeated the offer. Still no one moved.

Finally the preacher said, "Look now, out of all the people gathered here, don't tell me there isn't someone who can say a few kind words about the deceased".

A man in the middle of the congregation stood up and said, "Well, his brother was worse".

barn E · Jan 27, 2011

Whats a farmer do when he wins million dollars in lottery? "Keep on farming till its all gone." Dave

730 virgil · Jan 27, 2011

a friend talks about an uncle of his that was in hospital on his death bed.
the family had gathered around someone asked him if he had any last wishes he said yes" when i'm gone i don't want to be taken to the furneral
home as there a bunch of dead people laying around there".

Anonymous-0 · Jan 27, 2011

Ole boy died and St. Peter asked him what his IQ was. He was a neuro surgeon with IQ of 172. St. Peter said, "Come on in. We need you." 'nother guy died and the same question was asked. He was physicist and replied, "IQ of 154". "Come on in, we need you." Next, a farmer died and was asked the same question. "37" was his reply. St. Peter asked," Got your wheat in yet?"

cannonball · Jan 28, 2011

Someone broke into my home, out of everything there all he took was my big screen TV remote, now the sucker drives up and down the street Changing the channel on my TV...

greygoat · Jan 28, 2011

Per the reply by 730VIRGIL: My 93 year old Mom,
in a nurseing home can cet a free shuttle bus
ride, from the home to clinic appiontments, but
refuses to use the shuttle bus, and always calls
a relitive for a ride...why ? She hates riding
the shuttle bus because it"s "FULL OF OLD PEOPLE"

krm · Jan 28, 2011

Live your life so the Preacher won't have to lie at your funeral.

JR Frye · Jan 28, 2011

Now guys I got my A-- in trouble for a joke this morning so I am going to be good to night.
But keep the jokes a coming I love it.
HAVE A GREAT NIGHT>
JR FRYE

OT - Joke

supergrumpy

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JayinNY

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bison

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Bryan inIowa

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steve terplak

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Rusty wheel

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greenbeanman in Kansas

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Old Roy

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Bob Bancroft

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Goose

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barn E

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730 virgil

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Anonymous-0

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cannonball

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greygoat

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krm

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JR Frye

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