OT; a little humor

I hope nobody take offense with these.

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"



You can say what you want about the South,
But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North.

Why is a tornado like a southern divorce?
Because either way, some ol' boy is about to lose his trailer.

Guy commenting on a news story about a tornado destroying a mobile home manufacturing faciltiy- "Look at that! They're getting 'em in the larval stage now!"

4 guys went to deer camp and they only had two small rooms to sleep in so they had to bunk together

no one wanted to sleep in Ralphs room because they couldn't sleep for the way he snored.
They decided it would be fair if they took turns so the first night Charlie went in next day Charley come out all bloodshot eyes and wasn't worth a durn all day. Said he had to stay up and watch Ralph sleep

That night Bill took his turn and same thing he didn't get any sleep either.he also had to watch Ralph sleep.

Now John was a big burly kind of fellow he took his turn. In the morning he came out all rested up ready to go a hunting. the other guys so amazed ask how he did it.
He said well I tucked him in, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and patted him on the rump and told him Good night -- Ralph sat up all night and watched me sleep!

If any one is offended by these jokes he is not a real southerner. Us good ol" boys are not a bunch of thin skinned whiners. We like a good joke too. TDF of South-By-God Georgia.

True story,my brother in law and a bunch of his relatives were in deer camp in Kentucky. They had gone to bed but Sonny was playing with his pistol laying there on the bottom bunk in bed. Somebody told him to put it away before he shot himself. There was a window open just a crack right there by his bunk,so he waited just a minute for it to get good and quite and he stuck it out the window and pulled the trigger. They all thought for sure he'd shot himself. Needless to say,he was the only one laughing.

I was going out hunting late one morning and seen a young hunter draging a deer already. I asked if this was his first and he replied yes.
Well, I told him if he would drag that deer by the head and not by the tail, the hair would lay down and the deer would drag easier. He said thanks for the info and I left him. 4 hours later I seen him again draging the deer by the tail. I had to ask if it was not easier to drag by the head. He said it was, but, he kept getting farther away from the pickup!

Had a guy come into our office the other day and ask my partner how many people work here?

Oh, about half, my partner replied.

Jack decided to go hunting with his buddy, Bob.

So they loaded up Jack's pickup and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light. 'The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of hunting.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the hunting trip.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our hunting trip up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Bob


'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'


Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'


'She just died and left me everything.'

A buddy of mine asked if I could take off work and go fishing with him. I told him I could not get off work. He asked why, can't they get along without you? I answered yes, but, they don't need to find that out!

Bubba asked his wife to pack him a change of clothes for his <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tqxzWdKKu8">weekend hunting</a> trip.

Bubba went hunting and returned home a couple of days later.

After getting settled in, Bubba said to his wife "[b:654c4848f0]Puddin' you didn't pack me any underwear?[/b:654c4848f0]"

Puddin' replied "[b:654c4848f0]I did to! I packed it in your camo gun cover![/b:654c4848f0]"

And then the fight started.

2 good old boys go into a bar and have a few beers. After awhile, one of them has to use the restroom and when he comes back, his buddy is gone. After an hour or so, his buddy pulls up out front in a brand new Cadillac.
His friend asks where he went and the 2nd guy says,
"After you went into the bathroom, a gorgeous blonde came in and asked if I wanted to go for a ride in her new car. I said sure and off we went. She drove deep into the woods, parked the car, took off her nnalert and said 'Take anything you want; so I took the Cadillac".
The first guy says, "Well that was a good choice. I doubt if you could have fit into her nnalert".

Two guys were deer hunting when one of them suddenly fell down and lay still.

In a panic, his buddy called 911 and yelled, "My buddy just dropped dead!"

The 911 operator said, "Now just calm down and get hold of yourself, and I'll try to talk you through this. First, we need to make sure your buddy is really dead."

The 911 operator then heard what sounded like a gunshot over the phone.

The fellow came on and said, "OK, what do I do next?"

Two feller in a tree stand watching the biggest buck the ever saw come in range. First fellow draws down on the buck when suddenly a funeral procession starts to go by on the road nearby. The first feller puts down his gun, turns toward the road , removes his cap and watches quietly while the procession goes by.
The second feller says to him " That is the nicest thing I think I ever saw anyone do, not interupting that funeral by shooting at that big buck."
The first feller says" Seemed only right, seeings as we were married for 35 years..."

I stopped by a neighbor's place the other day, and was kind of suprised to see him wearing some fancy sparkling earrings...

"How long have you had your ears peirced?" I asked him...

"Ever since the day my wife found these earrings on the seat of my pickup..."