Tractor jokes needed

Need some more tractor jokes for announcer at our tractor parade and games THANKS!

98 year old gentleman was driving his old pick up with some sacks of seed on the highway to the field where he was drilling oats.

Got pulled over by a Young State trouper. Trooper asks for his drivers license Old man said he had been driving a lot longer than trouper was old and never needed one.

Trouper scratched his head, and ask," Have any ID ?

Old man said "Bout what ?

True story,( Life in these United States, Readers Digest )Told by the Trouper )

An old rancher on his way to town was pulled over by a state trooper. While the tropper was writing the ticket he had to keep shooing knats away from his head as he stood by the ranchers truck. The rancher noticed this and commented "the circle flies were bad this year." To which the patrolman replied "why do you call them cirlce flies?" The racher says "cause they're always circling around the back end of a horse." The patrolman hotly says "Are you calling me a horses hind end?" "No SIR" says the rancher, "I would never insult an officer.....but you can't fool those flies"

That made me laugh a bit, That's hard to do. stan

I like dat one

This should cure the desire for tractor jokes: Two farmers on a tractor driving right down the middle of a country road. Car comes around corner ahead of them, brakes hard, skids, rolls through ditch and ends up upside down in the field beside them. One farmer turns to the other and says: "I'm sure glad we got out of that field when we did".

What do you call it when you see John Deere tractors parked around all the McDonalds and Burger Kings? Prom time in Iowa.

Where can you find a tractor with no wheels? In the same place it was left.

Who made the largest tractor? Massive Ferguson.

Traveling salesman driving down road at 50 mph discovers that a three-legged chicken is running along beside him. Chicken turns into driveway and disappears behind barn. Salesman asks farmer about chicken. Farmer tells him he developed the three legged chicken because there were three of them in the family and that way they would only need one chicken for dinner. Salesman asks him how they taste. Farmer says he doesn't know. They haven't been able to catch one.

I hear they're making a new tractor for the modern small farmer. It has no seat and no steering wheel for the guy who's lost his butt and doesn't know where to turn!

This ones a little longer, but one of my favorites -

A young high powered New York lawyer heads south for a little time off to hunt ducks. He's out hunting on an exclusive resort and see nothing for six days. On the last day of his vacation, he sees one duck and shoots it. Now it happens fall outside the resorts property line and he jumps the fence to retrieve it. Ol' boy farmer comes waddling up to him and says, "That there's my duck!"

Lawyer says, "No sir, I shot that duck and I was just going to retrieve it."

"No, that's my duck. It landed on my property!"

"Listen old man, that's my duck. I shot it and I darn sure am going to take it!"

"Don't care who shot it, it landed on my property. Get off my property!"

"You see here you old coot, that's my duck and I'm a high powered lawyer from New York City. If you don't let me have it, I'll sue you and get your farm!"

"Well, what we have here is a gentleman's disagreement. We settle these things down here a little different than you fancy pants lawyers."

"How would you like to settle it?"

"Well, we will do it with the "three kicks". We take turns kicking each other three times until one gives up. Since you brought the complaint, I get the first three kicks."

The young lawyer sized up the old farmer and figured he didn't have strength enough to cause the lawyer much harm. Surely he could survive the first three kicks!

"OK, old man, give it your best shot!"

Farmer wound up and kicked the lawyer right in the sack! Lawyer doubled over, and the farmer kneed him square in the nose! Lawyer fell on his back and rolled onto his side, where the farmer kicked him square in the ribs.

Laywer lay there panting and crying and bleeding for several minutes and finally staggered to his feet.

Lawyer says, "I'm gonna give you the beating of your life you ol' coot!"

Farmer steps back and says ,"Nope, I give up. You can take your duck!"

I heard a comedian one time talking about being the only gay farmer he knew of. His tractor? Why it's a John Queer.............maybe not family friendly for the shows but I got a chuckle out of it.

Yeah, them circle flies are an excellent judge of character!
swat here