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OT: some comparisons, what is your favorite?

I

IA Leo

Member
Comparisons

1. stinkier than a hen house on a hot day.
2. harder to find than a class 2 hitch for a Smart Car.
3. harder than stacking mulberry brush on a windy day.
4. stops faster than snagging a limestone plate with the plow.
5. odds are worse than finding a rock where you need a fence post.
6. easier than finding fire proof tissue paper with the last match.
 
Raining like a cow peein' on a flat rock.
Hotter than Dutch love at haying time.
He was blinkin' like a toad in a hailstorm.
Timid as a cow at a new gate.
 
Dryer than a Chinese soup bone
Harder than woodpecker lips
hanging in like a hair in a bisquit
grinning like a possum
shaking like a dog trying to pass a peach seed
slicker than boiled okra
f@rting like a $10 mule
 
More nervous than a cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.

And although it's not really a comparison per se, "couldn't sell watermelons if he had a state trooper stopping traffic"

Learned that one from Dan Rather.
 
shaking like a dog sh!tin razer blades.
more messed up than a football bat.
more screwed up than a soup sandwich.
 
Thanks for all the valuable information and fun.

Looked at a site tonight where they were "dreaming" about getting a road cut in. Cleared a little and were hoping for 1.5/1 maybe 1/1 backslopes and foreslopes.

YT has taught me "WALK AWAY" from those people!
 
He's a french fry short of a happy meal.

He's a taco short of a fiesta platter.

We went to school together, but he should have rode the short bus.
 
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but what he got was a horse of a different color.

He got his tounge caught in his eye teeth, and couldn't see what he was sayin'.
 
"Crookeder than a homemade haircut"

"Screamin' like he** with the lid off"

"That's about as easy as pushin' a stick of butter up a wildcat's *** with a red-hot poker"
 
dumber than a box of rocks.

useful as a screen door in a submarine

useful as a paytoilet in a diarrea ward.

no one goes there anymore causes its too crowded.

fair to middlin

colder than a witches bit in a brass brasire on holloween.

fell out of the family tree and hit every branch on the way down.

his face was on fire and someone put it out with an icepick.
 
She"s so ugly she would make a freight train take a dirt road

more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs

smells worse than an outhouse on the back porch

so broke that I can"t pay attention
 
Colder than a stainless steel toilet seat in the Antartic.

He's so old that when he went to school they didn't teach history 'cause nothing had happened yet.
 
Some of my favorites:


Busier than a one-legged man in an (butt) kicking contest

I'm not going anywhere, I'm like a China man in jail

looks like hammered horse (crap)

lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut

hotter than two mice (fornicating) in a wool sock

colder than a well diggers (butt)

sharp as a tack

queer as a three dollar bill

like throwing a hotdog down a hallway (use some imagination)

dead as a door nail

hotter than a two dollar pistol

sweatin like a (prostitute) in church
 
Ugly as homemade sin.

Ugly as a mud fence.

She's so ugly she'd knock a dog off a gut-wagon.

_____ stinks so bad it would gag a maggot.

He has more _____ than Carter's got pills.

The rest I know are funnier, but they would not be appropriate for this forum.
 
Sharper than a bowling ball

hotter than a half f______ fox in a forest fire

Smartest kid on the short bus

Was beat with an ugly stick










-
 
Slicker than a snotty doorknob. Freeze the balls off a brass monkey. Got a face that would stop a clock. She could talk a train offa the track.
 
Fuller than a tick on a fat dog.
Slicker than boiled okra.
Slicker than greased owl ship.
Tighter than a dixie hat band.
Tighter than Aunt Sadies purse strings.
Hes so dumb his family tree cant have any limbs.
Watching him work is like watching chrome rust.
 
Well now I've got a pretty good memory.

I don't remember being born but I do remember the dog barking because there was a stranger in the house.

Put some more wood on the fire. It's colder than a dead witches t*t outside.

This topic don't amount to a fart in a whirlwind.

He went by going faster than a bat outa H*ll.
 
Looks like someone caressed her face with a pitch fork

Looks like he fell in a tackle box

Hornier than a two peckered billy goat

Harder than a honeymoon hard on
 
More full of sh#t, than a Christmas goose.
Busier than a one legged man at a a$$ kicking contest.
Smells bad enough to knock a buzzard off a sh#t wagon.
Jack
 
It's so cold you have to put whiskey in your coffee to keep it from freezing.

He's lit up like a Christmas tree.
 
So bucktoothed she could eat corn through a picket fence.
So skinny she could make a 4 inch gap on a high lope.
Ground is so poor it wouldn't raise a disturbance.
 
coulder than a brass tip on a witch's nnalert in the middle of december. hotter than a fresh screwed fox in a forest fire.
 
Havn't seen this one yet. Grandpa's favorite : " Dryer than a popcorn fart ". AND " couldn't pour water out of his shoe if the instructions were on the sole " !
 
Outhouse Toilet Paper comparisons:

Rougher than an Iowa corn cob.

Slicker than a new Sears catalog.



Or the politician (or bad boss)...

So slick he could walk behind a working manure spreader and never get anything on him.
 
She's so ugly:

"It looks like her face caught fire and somebody beat it out with a log chain"

"It looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"
 
Rainin harder than a cow peein on a flat rock!
He was a window licker on the short bus!
Sticks out like a sore thumb.
She walked through the ugly forest, and got slapped by every branch.
 
Fellow aged 56 or so, told me he was gettin remarried. I told him it might not be too good, because i found out at age 55, ya can't push a wagon up hill using a rope!
 
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