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OT/how do you handle it?

R

rrlund

Well-known Member
Don't mind me,it's just a gloomy day and I'm missing the south so much I could almost cry.
The only thing in the world keeping me and the wife here in this miserable state of unemployment and depression called Michigan is the fact that all three of our adult kids and our two grandkids are here.
Question for you guys who don't live all that near to your kids. How is it? Their birthdays,the holidays that it's just you and the wife because they can't make it to where you are and vice versa? Do you just get used to it to the point that it doesn't bother you?
Even though two of them are within minutes of us,we still don't see them very often. The other one and the grandkids are just over an hour away,but birthdays and holidays we usually see them at least for a few minutes if nothing else.
I don't know,just need to know that we'll survive if we leave,that's all. A good friend who left several years ago told me the first time we went to visit him and his wife,there's life outside Sheridan. Boy,don't I know that. The only time I FEEL alive is when I'm out of this place.
 
Randy, you need to get out and start preparing the fields, plowing, disking, spreading, etc.
This long winter doldrums is getting to you. Snap out of it, Guy!
 
You're suffering from acute cabin fever. It should soon go away with the advent of spring. The following may or may not help:
1. Moderate to heavy drinking. Only when you're alone or with someone.
2. More or less sexx depending on where you are now.
3. A dog.
4. An old tractor to play around with.
5. A good fast rollicking game of Bingo down at the firehouse.
6. Get one of those new front loading washing machines and watch the clothes wash. Those babies spin out at 975 RPM. Same as a John Deere A at full throttle.
7. Make plans for next year's winter vacation.
8. Paint the dining room. (Be careful on the ladder if you've just been following recommendation #1).
 
Well one thing that woud work is , have a whole tribe of them move in with you while their house is getting remodeled..that snap you out of it quick
 
You need more broken stuff around your house, that always takes care of any free time I used to have. Also have a heated shop, that always helps too.
 
Are you retired or still working? If you are retired, go south even if it's only for few weeks. If you are still working, arrange to take a midwinter vacation.

Put some full-spectrum light bulbs in your house.
There are meds, too, as a last resort.
 
There are music videos on You Tube.You can listen to all kinds of music like bluegrass or old country or rock.Its nice to see those kids but sometimes it can be nice to see them leave too!
 
Get involved in your local church and in helping some less fortunate people. pretty soon you will have to tell the kids to be sure they schedule their visits ahead of time with you.
 
We leave Ohio for three months in Texas. No broken bones or dented fenders due to ice.

Kids don't care - they have their own life. We use "free" cell phone on Sat and Sundays to stay current. Other grandparents use Skype to watch the tykes grow. When the grandkids are teenagers they will not have time for anybody except a cook and a driver.

Grandma is affected more than grandpa - once a mother, always a mother.
 
I know you'll get a lot of suggestions that don't count for beans but consider this.
Soon the grandkids will be out on their own and probably move away. That's the way it should be.
If you don't see your own kids that often you'll all appreciate each other more when you do. e-mail is in the other room use it.
My only daughter is in Washington state and I'm in Missouri. I think of her every day. I don't want her next door and I know she wouldn't want me there. She comes here twice a year. I'm sure thats enough for her. Her sons are in their 20's and spread over the world.
I like it this way. You have to do what works for you and your mate. Good luck.....
 
I live in Omaha Ne, and one child (son) lives in Calif. other child (daughter) lives in Colorado
I'm still working not retired yet "DARN" so none of us , kids or my wife and I get to travel alot.But with the computer we see each another all the time.I say if you are miserable and want to move south go for it you only live once.
 
You've got it about right. The oldest grandaughter graduates high school this spring. The other is a freshman in high school. College is definately in their future. My daughter and her husband have kicked themselves every since they moved back here from Az about 10 years ago. Said they should have stopped and set up camp at about Oklahoma. They've talked about moving to South Carolina after the last one graduates.

I've just been here too long. 55 years in the same house. We should have gone south 20 years ago when the kids were too young to argue and would have had to have gone with us.

I'm not one to believe in past lives or any of that crap,but from the first time I ever crossed the Mason/Dixon line 30 years ago,I've thought I was born in the wrong place. My azz is in the north,but my heart's in Dixie I guess.

Getting out in the field ain't what's gonna cure me either. Been working the same fields for 45 years. It gets to feel like no time passes at all anymore before I'm right back seeing the same scenery all over again. I don't know,it's not depression,it's the whole ball of wax. Seems like our social life is at the funeral home anymore,all the old folks dying off. Shoot,if we've gotta make new friends and have new neighbors,it might as well be where we want to be.

jm,I'm serious,we're going to be seeing you some time this summer. I want to look around down there. The wife checked the job market and found 78 ads for LPNs just on one site down your way.

Guess if the kids want to inherit a farm,they just might have to leave here themselves to get it.
 
Still farming. Can't ever get away for a winter vacation with these cattle around. We head south every summer though. Stop in to see the inlaws in Kentucky on the way down and again on the way back,but if I don't get south of the Ohio River at least once every year to charge my batteries,I don't feel like I've had a vacation at all.

A few years ago we went up and looked over the whole UP of Michigan instead,just to say I'd done it incase we do move south,before we go. That was a LONG year.
 
I told you she would not have any trouble, in fact her only problem will be figuring out which place she want to work. Real good time of the year here now. Things are changing each day. Little more green every morning. I be ready to show you around when you get here. J.M.
 
I am north of you a few miles in clare county. My late uncle owned most of the little village of Butternut-maybe you know where that is.
I am 65 and have always hungered for the open road. Last week was at mayville,Ky. right on the river. Week before was in Rock Springs Wyoming. Leaving today for Decauter, Ill. Just back from Beaufort S.Carolina. Drive a Ford van for pay and work when I want--been to every state except washington and oregon for pay.
Really works good for me to get out and see other country and make real decent money doing it.
 
Been over here 20 years with about 4 visits. No bickering, bumming, or silent treatment like you get when you live down the street. You prolly need to get yourself out in the sun and really think about changing the light bulbs in your house. If your kids are grown, your obligation to them is finished. Just wait'll you get down and have to start getting rid of stuff then see how much time they spend with you for freebies...

Good Luck,


Dave
 
I've read all of the post here, And what I read is: I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that! Back in 1974 I got fed up with the mud and gloom and doom in Ohio, Got off my butt and sold everything and moved to New Mexico and never looked back. wished I'd done it 10 yrs before. If you just keep talking about it ,You'll NEVER do it! and one day you'll say Heck, I'm to old to do it now. quit crying and just do it !! Jim in N M
 
I don't think you have a black or white answer to your question. And only one or two folks have the answer.

There are fewer pleasures other than children, and grandchildren in life. But that option is only if you harvest it.

Our kids and grand kids have many downfalls, and are far from perfect, but more than likley they are in the ok range if you handle it right.

Marrage with our kids changes many things, as well as jobs. All can be dealt with if you put forth enough effort, and don't go in to the blame thing. Social skills are needed, even if it is your own blood.

Moving is not without effort, and being happy is in the same book. If there are others in your part of town that are hapy, why can't you somehow find their key?

I think that moving back to our home town becomes important to us as we get older. The question is why? I guess is it is because it reminds us of our childhood and fun days we remember to the day we die. We were with out alot of care, and in a comfort zone we wish we could hang on to.

It is no doubt a peace of mind thing before we explore the next world, or unknown world.

I can talk big because I have never left my home town, and my children are in a decent driving range for the most part.

I have no idea of how wonderful your home town is, but I can't see how it could be worth more than a simple hug from a grandchild. Your grand kids will love and hate you at times probably, and you aren't real important at certian times as they grow older. But you can influance them to no end, even if it is by example.

I would consider the different location as a material thing, and a family as the most important.

I base my opinion on a divorce, custody battle, as well as a house fire. The rest of this old world means little to me now.
 
This is a decision you and your family will have to make. In my travels the past 25 years, I've met a few people that are retired. One I think is the saddest is a retired E-9. He and his wife sold everything, moved there to be near thier daughter, son-in-law, grandkids after thier retirement. They bought a home, found part time employment, some activities, and planned to be there with thier daughter and her family. The son-in-law got a promotion and moved away with the family less than two years after they moved there. Then his spouse passed away. Now he's living in a town that he had never been to because he followed his daugher, she and family very seldom visit, and he isn't financially or physically capable of moving. I don't know the gentleman very well, but whenever I am there and see him I always make sure to say "Howdy Chief, how's it going." Seems like it helps put a smile on his face.
 
It is hard when the grandkids are young and move out of state. Even harder when they move out of the country.
But as they get older they get their own lives and move on anyway.

You have to relize kids have their own life to live and you have yours. Yes it is nice to have them close by but learn to live with it if that is not possible.
 
I'm to that point Jim. Been looking for 10 or 12 years now and just find it harder to come back here everytime we go down. It feels more like home to me everytime I'm down there and I just want to find the place I'm looking for and pull the trigger and do it.
We were in Missouri one time looking and when we got back,a friend asked if I wouldn't miss home if I moved down there. I said that that would BE home if all my stuff was there. He kinda thought I had a point.
Only thing that's been holding me back is that everytime I think I'm absoultely ready,that I've taken on the straw that broke the camels back,there'll be a rerun of a Christmas episode of a TV show on,or somebody's birthday comes up,or some sappy sentimental thing.
I've gotten past the problem of being on the old family farm. There's a difference between imagining that your ancestors were here and remembering that they were. I don't imagine that Dad,or my uncles,brothers,what have you were here. I remember that they were and that constant reminder ain't all that great as you get older. Sometimes memories need to be put away for a while and not always right in front of your face.
Like I said,if my kids want to inherit a farm,it just might be somewhere else.
 
I hope you like in Stupak's district and will stay there long enough to vote that bum out of his job in Nov.....he and his partners in crime just sunk the country and doomed us to socialism.
 
Nope. You'll have to talk to Jim in Michigan over on Tractor Tales about him. He was saying a few weeks ago that he hoped he'd run for Governor.
 
Tough call. That's a decision you and your wife have to make. From your other posts, seems like you are not happy there, is your wife of the same opinion? It's nice to have the kids and grandkids close, but if they are close by and you seldom see them, I don't think it would be that much different if you were far away. Kids grow up and have a life of their own and often times don't have time for parents. Grandkids seem to do the same thing. Perhaps by being farther away, they will appreciate the time you get to spend together more. Our kids grew up and moved away, the closest is 1 1/2 hours away, but his job transfered 5 hours away and they are moving as soon as they can sell their house. Gonna be rough on us, but we will just have to get by. I think there comes a point in time that you have to do what is best for you. If selling out and moving is in you and your wife's best interest, go for it. Chris
 
I think everybody in Michigan gets depressed over the winter months. What did we have,..two percent sunshine for the entire winter. That would make anyone feel like going where the sun is. My daughter is in Missouri and my son is in Texas. I talk to them about once a week. All is good and it gives us an excuse to travel to see them.
If you really feel the need to head south,..then do it. Life is too short,..you need to be happy and you are not getting any younger.Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
 
Yes,she wants to be in the south,just doesn't want to be too close to her family in Kentucky. She is one of 10 kids and says she can do without the drama. She'd rather just go to visit and go home. Says Kentucky would be great as long as we were far enough away so they wouldn't just drop in.Down near the Tennessee boarder,east of Glasgow around Summer Shade and Eighty Eight would be fantastic,but we haven't found anything there. We've looked in Missouri a lot,but Tennessee seems to be where we both agree on.
She is a nurse and hasn't worked in a year now. She feels like she's wasting her life and her education. We're both of the honest opinion that the way things are in Michigan,she'll be old enough to retire before she stands a chance of getting a job within a reasonable driving distance of here.
I just don't know that it's worth being misserable 360 days a year for the other 5 good days that we spend with family. Just something we'll have to deal with if we go I guess.
 
Count your blessings! Don"t look at what you don"t have but what you do have. I am stuck with my wife in a hospital where she has cancer and a infection. She is feeling better than she has in months and that with a Huge snow back in Missouri has me counting my blessings. I have two sons taking care of things their so I count my blessings of taking care of my wife and not having to feed cattle in 14-16 inches of snow! Don"t get me wrong hospital and being 600 miles from home is not fun but their are people worse off than me.
Untitled URL Link
 
I don't know what your home life is like nor do I know your neighbors and hometown folk, but some times the grass that's greener on the other side of the fence turns brown after awhile.

You probably know for the past 13 years I've done some galavanting around on the wheat harvest. I've 'lived' in a lot of towns for two week stints and then moved on for another two week stay in another town, from Oklahoma to Saskatchewan and everywhere in between.

After a few years of visiting the same towns I kind of got a feel for what the natives are really like. In some towns the coffee shoppers will start conversing with me right away, In other towns they turn their backs.

So If you do move south, away from the mud and snow, and by golly, it sounds real inviting right now, check out the area you want to be in.
On the surface it might look like the ideal location but if the locals don't want you in their social circle, you won't be happy.

Whatever you do, keep on posting here. Jim
 
I hear it all the time but dont understand, What is happening to make Michigan so bad? Sorry for being ignorant to your state. I can hardly keep up with NYs nonsense.
 
Some quick thoughts:

Since 2000, Michigan has lost 1 million jobs, mostly in manufacturing. Mostly to Mexico and China. Not just automotive, either. Appliances, office furniture, tooling, machinery builders.

A lot of people who felt that they were immune to layoffs and unemployment got blindsided. Many folks thought that they were "safe", they weren't involved in production. What we have seen is that if production goes, engineering and support activities follow pdq!!!

And who wants to locate a new biz in a state with 5 or 6 months crappy weather? Here in the mitten, between the lakes, you can days or even weeks without ever seeing the sun.

And our real estate is a joke. One of our customers was complaining about her tax assessment being too low. I was surprised at this, until she explained that she had built her house in 2000. 10 years of paying 2K per month has resulted in zero equity.

A recent article in the Economist magazine projects job losses continuing thru 2015 and not recovering to the 2000 level until 2025. Basically we are looking at a lost generation.
 
1976 my Dad sold the farm and moved to Arkansas. I was 19 and my sister was 12. My Dad gave me a choice. I stayed here and she went with. My sister went through High School and College and I saw her once a year. We were never close after they moved. Now I don't see or hear from her at all. My Dad lived to be 95, loved Arkansas, found out from my aunt after my Mom passed that she hated it down there, just went because my Dad wanted to. My kids saw my parents twice a year until they couldn't drive anymore, we would go down everyear for the holidays. My wife's parents were here in the area, kids saw them all the time until they passed. Now both our kids are out of the house, both live within 10 miles of us, we talk to them more than we see them. I always swore I would never be like my parents and leave our kids, but as we get older my attitude is changing. When the time comes to retire I don't think I would hesitate to move away if our quality of life would be better or at least the same. But I'm a few years from making that decision. The current economics haven't helped with anything,either.
 
I always thought that when the going got tough the troops would ralley together to get through it , not split and go to where they thought it would be an easier road. Might be a good time to get a little closer to your family , not more distant. Sounds like they may have more "stick it out" power than you do. I don't know just where in MI you are but sounds like a drug hole w/no law enforcement. There ARE good places to live in MI! Every state has their "septic tank" areas. Every state also has their paradises. Every generation of my family from 1900 til now has lived within 30 mi of the Mt. Pleasant / Shepherd area it has definately had it's bennefits and continues to. No it's not as tame as it used to be but it is still better than most alternatives. If you have criminals that are not being delt with ruining your neighborhood , there are ways of eliminating that. Sometimes you need a little enginuity and the mentality that "you can't lie to a liar" and "you can't steal from a thief" is what it takes. Law enforcement only keeps the honest people honest. Criminals are smarter than law enforcement. We the people are smarter than criminals. I hope you are getting my drift. I have cought many criminals around my area and they have no idea how or who got them cought. It's not hard to out think them. Stay in MI and get close to your family.
 
moved from West Virginia to mid-Tenn. 5 yrs ago. Wish I'd moved 20 yrs ago. Old people can actually work outside in the wintertime here! Best move I ever made & recommend it to anyone.
 
They are always looking for nurses in our area. My significant other (LPN on her way to RN) has had to turn down many offers. And this area has some of the highest unemployment in the state, lost the counties largest employer (Smurfit stone). Something is fishy if your wife can't find a job.


You make it sound like the south has no crime and nothing bad about it. I guarantee there are bad areas and bad things no matter where you go. If you just want to leave because you like the south then go, but don't make it sound like your leaving he!! and entering heaven.
 
This probably sounds way to simple and I am not being sarcastic.

Michigan will always be there to go back to if you didn't like where you moved.

Go for it!
 
I'm the same way. I go to Florida in Winter and come back in Spring. Its depressing to leave the Green grass and leaves on the trees. Go north to snow,bare trees,people telling you what the slipped and broke. It takes me a couple weeks to get used to it. This year I came home and got sick for about a month and that made it worse. I didn't use to mind the cold and all but its no fund anymore. I'm gonna stay down there one of these years and not to far away.
 
Lack of sunlight and short daytime hours. Causes havoc with everybody's mind and body.
Some folk swear by vitamin D supplements and bright interior lights on for 14hrs a day.
 
(quoted from post at 23:53:37 03/21/10) Some folk swear by vitamin D supplements and bright interior lights on for 14hrs a day.
Click to expand...

Have to give the vitamin D a try but the light seems to work. Wife gets crabby and starts nagging about something in particular, I can get her off the subject by shining a flashlight in her eyes........

Dave
 
Seems like a lot of the upper midwest is just going to h-ll with Michigan leading the way. I came back here after I retired in '99 (It's my old home state) and everything was fine then but it's gone downhill steadily since then. Same thing happened when I moved back here in '79, I almost went broke and "escaped" back to California in 1984 to my old job that I never was too nuts about but it was better than what I had to do for a living in Michigan. I thought I'd be okay here retired but it's turning into h-ll on earth here....just like it did in '81-'82. Can't go back to California now...too old to work and it's as bad as Michigan...maybe worse. Maybe I could afford to move to Oklahoma...seems like the only place that's really worth a s-it anymore for a white American country guy to live in.
 
No his name was Russell his wife was Arvila no kids-he had the post office old grocery store and ended up with the big boat and camper business. It was later sold then moved out to the highway to the south.
He has been out of there probably 25 years give or take.
 
Ill bet that if you all check in Texas a lot of the industry that was in Michigan is either there or in Mexico.
 
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