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O/T Parachute Joke

F

Fergienewbee

Well-known Member
A guy skydiving for the first time jumps out of the plane. He waits the appropriate length of time and pulls the rip cord. Nothing happens. He pulls it agian. Nothing. Now in a panic, he pulls the emergency rip cord, but still nothing happens. As he's pluumeting toward earth, he meets a guy coming up.
"Hey, you know anything about parachutes?" the skydiver asks.

"No, do you know anything about gas stoves?"

Larry in Michigan
 
A buddy of mine was in the Airborne Rangers . He loved to tell this stoy of his first jump.The Jump Master had them all lined up and when it was time he ordered them outta the plane . However he stopped each soldier and whispered something in there ear. He was wondering what he was saying and when his turn came this is what he heard. The Jump Master told him to remember that his parachute was made by the lowest bidder!!!
 
Yes, those Jumpmasters were a bit sadistic! I remember the pic of the planeful of novices- first jump, and one guys" lower front is dark- wet...Fear matched by anticipation. Had one Jumpmaster that was not observant enough- flying across the canal instead of parallel- and kicked everyone out when the green light came on. 14 of 15 hit the trees/jungle, one died. Pilot screwed up, JM should have noticed.
 

If I ever jump---I want to jump out of a 747. That's the only airplane that can hold enough people to throw me out of a perfectly good airplane.
 
I was at Ft Bragg in the late Summer of 1953 when
one of the Flying Boxcars lost engine power on one engine. They hit a number of the parachutists that had jumped ahead of this plane.
Some were killed and some severely injured. The plane made it back to Pope AFB ok. Hal
 
A buddy of mine was in the Airborne Rangers . He loved to tell this stoy of his first jump.The Jump Master had them all lined up and when it was time he ordered them outta the plane . However he stopped each soldier and whispered something in there ear. He was wondering what he was saying and when his turn came this is what he heard. The Jump Master told him to remember that his parachute was made by the lowest bidder!!!
Click to expand...

That's terrible. But true of most things.
 
A boy scout, a priest, and external_link were on a plane, you know the story, 3 guys, only 2 parachutes, So external_link says I am the smartest president in history, and the first black president. With that he snatches a parachute from the boy scout, and jumps out. The priest looks at the boyscout, and says son, I've led a long, good life, you take the last parachute. Boy scout looks at the priest, says relax father, its not your or my time to go, the worlds smartest first black president just jumped out with my knapsack!
 
Think we have something in common in the same years. Email me if you would.
I was at Ft Campbell (11th Airborne)at the time and remember that happening during a mass jump, it was in our paper.
Wondering where you took basic and when you were in Ft Benning? I left Benning June 26,1953.
Learned too not to smart off to C119 redheaded pilotes when you are at the end of the stick, yep gave a late green lite and I ended up over the trees. LOL.
 
Another one ----Three men on a plane with two parachutes, In the argument one ask if there is a welding machine on the plane, another said yes so the guy said--Just give me the leads and I will jump, they will hang on something on the way down.
 
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