Joke(s)

Anonymous-0 · Jan 20, 2009

Probably not PC but;
Where does a one legged waitress work ?
IHOP
Where does a one armed man shop ?
The second hand store.

RockyMo · Jan 20, 2009

So what is the waitresses name? Give up? Of course it has to be Eilene (I Lean). Just remember, you started it.

Rocky in MO

gregk · Jan 20, 2009

two cannibals bag a clown and take him home to eat. They decide that the best way to eat him is for one to start at the head and one at the feet. They get started eating when one looks up at the other and remarks "this is great". the other one agrees and says"yeah i'm having a ball". and the first one yells "slow down you'r eating too fast"

Anonymous-0 · Jan 20, 2009

A cannibal won't eat a clown because they taste funny.

gregk · Jan 20, 2009

shirley you must be kidding

gregk · Jan 20, 2009

good point

Anonymous-0 · Jan 20, 2009

if she's oriental,it would be Irene,these jokes are so bad

Stockdale Dave · Jan 20, 2009

Cannibals will never eat eat my ex-wife because she is way too bitter.

msb · Jan 20, 2009

86 year old lady is stopped for speeding. The cop askes her why she is driving so fast. She replys, I have to get there before I forget where I am going.

Patsdeere · Jan 20, 2009

I know some great people.

Lets see, I have a pool guy with no legs, whose name is Bob. A greeter at my front door, Mat. A lovely person to look at while watching the fire crackle, Art.

Stockdale Dave · Jan 20, 2009

3 legged dog walks into a saloon and says..

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

Anonymous-0 · Jan 21, 2009

The author of the book "Tragedy on the Cliff"
was Eileen Dover.

bill mart · Jan 21, 2009

and dont call me shirley

Pooh Bear · Jan 21, 2009

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs,

On the wall----Art.

In a hole---- Phil.

Behind a boat--- Skip.

In the water---- Bob.

In a pile of leaves---Russell.

In front of a door---Matt.

in the mail box.....bill

under the car....jack

In a hole is Doug

Beside the hole is Phil

No hole yet is Douglas

What do you call a woman standing on one leg, - Ilene

Asian woman with one leg - Irene

twins in the window - Curt 'n Rod

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Mrs. Smith, can Billy come play baseball with us?"

"Why, Johnny, you know Billy can't play baseball- he has no arms or legs."

"Well, we were thinkin' he can be second base. . ."

omahagreg · Jan 21, 2009

Saw a book the other day-Under the Bleachers, by C More Butts. Greg

DH in Carolina · Jan 21, 2009

Revenge of the Tom Cat by Claude Balls.

Kestrel in CT · Jan 21, 2009

A severely diabetic man went in the hospital to have a leg amputated.

Unfortunately, the doctors too off the wrong leg, which was wasn't much better than the diseased leg.

When he went to sue, the lawyers told him he didn't have a leg to stand on.

LEH · Jan 21, 2009

My Mom!!!

LEH · Jan 21, 2009

Trails in the sand---by Peter Draging

DH in Carolina · Jan 21, 2009

Yellow River by I P Freely

Anonymous-0 · Jan 21, 2009

green spots on the wall,by picket and flicket

Anonymous-0 · Jan 21, 2009

Rusty bedsprings by I P Nightly

50 miles to the bathroom by Will E Makeit

Spots on the wall by Who Flung Poo

What did the blond call her zebra so she wound never forget his name?

Spot

SKYBOW · Jan 21, 2009

What do you call a quadruple amputee that plays 5 musical instruments
Stump the Band

rrogers · Jan 21, 2009

a mexican is trying to get a green card, and the guy asking him the questions says

"ok now use green, pink, and yellow in a sentance"

the mexican replies "the phone goes green green green i pink it up and say yellow"

Anonymous-0 · Jan 21, 2009

. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Pooh Bear · Jan 21, 2009

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert,
wandering aimlessly and close to
death. They are close to just lying down
and waiting for the inevitable,
when all of a sudden.......

'Hey, Jose, do you smell what I smell?
Ees bacon. I is sure of eet.'

'Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to
meee.'

So, with renewed strength, they struggle
up the next sand dune, and
there, in the distance, is a tree loaded
with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with
moisture, there's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon... every
imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

'Jose, Jose, we is saved. Ees a bacon
tree.'

'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?
We ees in the desert, don't
forget.'

'Jose, when deed you ever hear of a
meerage that smell like bacon? ...Ees
no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.

And with that, Luis races towards the
tree. He gets to within 5 meters,
with Jose following closely behind, when
all of a sudden, a machine gun
opens up,and Luis is cut down in his
tracks. It is clear he is mortally
wounded but, true friend that he is, he
manages to warn Jose with his dying
breath.

'Jose, go back man. You was right, ees
not a bacon tree.'

'Luis, Luis, mi amigo. What ees it?

'Jose, ees not a bacon tree.......'

Ees. . .

Ees. . .

Ees. . .

Ees a Ham Bush.

Dan Swanson · Jan 21, 2009

Antlers in the tree top by Hoo Goosed the Moose

Problems with the Law? by C.A. Judge

rrlund · Jan 21, 2009

What's that one legged waitresses name? Ilene? And what if she worked in a Chinese resturant? Would her name be Irene?

Anonymous-0 · Jan 21, 2009

Great, puns at 20 paces! I saw an interview with Sarah Palin, the other day, on an Alaskan island, had a native optician grinding on a pair of Bifocals, in the background, unless I was having an optical Aleutian!

Anonymous-0 · Jan 21, 2009

The tributary was Running Water by I P Daly.

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