There goes the farm

Anonymous-0 · Nov 24, 2008

Well, the family farm will be officially sold Wednesday. Been in our family since 1886 when my Great grandfather moved there. Went to Grandpa, then to my Dad. What makes it so sad to me is that I have been living there taking care of Mom for the last 20 years. The last 3 years she has been getting worse and worse in health. I have been there(expected by her)every morning and night to make meals, do what she needed, basically her nurse maid. She told me that she didn't want to go to a nursing home and asked me to keep her home. In this time she made me her power of attourney, estate executor, every thing. She was in hospital in July for almost 3 weeks with surgury,then month in therapy, I told her she could not come home, I couldnt take care of her anymore. Did I mention trying to buy the place for the last 20 years, but she would never sell to me. Anyway, a week after I told her that she changed everything and put my brother in charge. I was told the only way I could buy was cash for full value. I hoped for a land contract but was turned down. He got a low appraisal, then took first bid, with all contingincies, selling the place for $35K less than ASSESSED value. My family gave me 2 monthes to get out. I have some of the best friends around, because the got together and got me moved. I had Semi's for equipment, gooseneck's, skidsteers, cattle trailers, box trucks, and more help than I could imagine. To top it off, my brother and sister tried to sell Dads' old Ford that mom had given me, after she told them it was mine. Family will Scr*W you when it comes to this. My own mother didn't care, but she forgot how mad she was when grandma died and Dad had simular situation. So I have righten off my family and not spoke to my Mother since. I do know that I have friends theat care, so I will be OK.

paul · Nov 24, 2008

A lot of us could have stories to tell.

Keep your chin up.

--->Paul

RobMD · Nov 24, 2008

Life is a b*tch sometimes, but don't talk back at it.

JOE FARMER · Nov 24, 2008

SO SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR LOSS, I AM IN A SIMILAR SITUATION HOPE THE OUT COME IS NOT THE SAME,WILL THE FARM STAY AS A FARM OR SUBDIVISION, WHO TAKES THE CASH,,WHERE'S MA GOING AND WHO GETS 2 LOOK AFTER HER NOW, JUST A BADD DECISION GOING ON SOMEONES WORD BUT IF U CAN'T TRUST YOUR MOTHER WHO CAN YOU TRUST????

GeneMO · Nov 24, 2008

Ditto, Been there done that. My dad and I farmed together for 25 years, handshake arrangement. At one time had $150,000 borrowed together on cattle and machinery. This was in the 70's. When we decided to downscale, we sold what we didn't need. I didn't ask for my half of the proceeds, as I had a good job and knew they needed it more. We had an agreement as to what land and equipment was mine. Well when my dad died, my only dead beat, dope growing brother moved in and took over. I came home one day and he had a cattle buyer in giving a bid on the cattle, many of which I had bought and had registration papers on. Well I put a stop to that. Once the idiot mouthed off and said about my dad, " I'm glad the basta*d is dead" Then when I found the farm bank account empty and closed, my mother told me that my brother said "I would steal her money"

I lost my whole family in a few months time. Funny how money and greed takes over.

Haven't talked to them for 5 years now.

Keep your chin up.

My brother and his next ex, have 6 marriges between them. She had her name on his part of the land immediately. They got married about 3 weeks before the deal was done. She'll end up with it.

Hope some of the younger ones read this and learn to get everything in writing and under the direction of "their own attorney" Spend the money and get it done right.

Cost me 25 years of labor and half of 314 acres.

You know though, I came out ahead. Got to spend lots of years with my dad and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Gene

Jim H SW-PA · Nov 24, 2008

I personally know that feeling.
I came to the conclusion that nothing is worth fighting for and guilt is overwhelming when it sets in this is the case that is happening now with us as my wife's homestead was sold 8 years ago by her sister, and wife got nothing.

I offered to buy it for half of what it was valued at and her sister wouldn't hear of it.

sold it through a real estate agent and squandered the money.I told her at the time she was not being fair ,but in her greed said she was executrix of estate and that gave her the right to do what she wanted with the money.

I know wife should have sued , but left it alone, The guilt has caught up to her now as she is getting older and realizes what greed has done to their relationship, and now her sister is begging for forgiveness every time they meet. We live on different ends of the state. so we only see them a couple times a year.

Anonymous-0 · Nov 25, 2008

Did Jesus not say, in other words, when a man takes your coat, you should offer him your shirt as well?

Where a man's treasure is, there is his heart. So your family has their reward in this life; perhaps your reward will be in the next. So bless them that curse you, and pray that His will is being done.

RobMD · Nov 25, 2008

sounds mean, my apologies. Its what my father said, just don't take schitt and get away from it.

kyplowboy · Nov 25, 2008

Can't beat family.

Got a good buddy in about the same spot.

His mom sold a farm that he has been farming his whole life. The farm he broke in his brand new ford 8600 cleaning up and pulling out stumps for a whole winter. Farm he had farmed alone since his dad died 7 years ago. Sold it to his baby brother for around half what it would bring at auction with out give'n big brother a shot at it.

I take care of my grandmother the way you were take'n care of your mom. I am POA and executor in her will. All her stuff gets split between the 7 of us grand kids. I love'r dearly and hope the old girl lives for ever cause when she's gone its gonna get ugly quick round the house.

Sorry you are go'n through this.

Dave

Traditional Farmer · Nov 25, 2008

Mixing family and business always has pitfalls.I'll do a handshake agreement with my neighbor but with my brother I require a signed contract.Its hard to do but all agreements with family need to be in writing done legally and if the person 'giving' something won't put it in writing they had no intention of giving it in the first place.

bruster · Nov 25, 2008

When grandma had to go to a good nursing home, a tug of war rose between my dad and his 3 brothers. Dad and bro#2 wanted to buy the 100a. farm and work it. Brothers#1 & 3 argued that #2 & 4 Would strip the 50a of hardwoods. They ended up selling to a lawyer, who cut all the trees down. 21 years later, I can walk, into where the trees were. The once open fields are grown up, the older hardwood acreage is scrub land. My father , not wanting me to fight over his 50a with my sis, changed his will, so the acreage would pass to me after he is gone. Growing up on a farm, creating memories, vesting yourself into it, is what tears you up so much when family acreage is sold.

Anonymous-0 · Nov 25, 2008

"Mixing family and business always has pitfalls.I'll do a handshake agreement with my neighbor but with my brother I require a signed contract. Its hard to do but all agreements with family need to be in writing done legally and if the person 'giving' something won't put it in writing they had no intention of giving it in the first place."

Yup. That about sums it up - only sometimes, even written contracts are ignored.....

Goose · Nov 25, 2008

My wife's brothers and I occasionally do work for each other in our various business activities.

We have a simple agreement: family is family and business is business. In other words, we're family at family functions, and in business dealings we're the same as Joe Blow off the street. Works real well, and there are no misunderstandings come bill paying time.

rrlund · Nov 25, 2008

Sorry as I can be for you. I see this stuff WAY too often.There was a place south of town here,the step kids actually had it sold and had the check in their hands. When they went to close,they found out that their step father had signed it over to his son before he passed away,so their mother didn't own it.That was hilarious. They had planned to cut him right out and not give him a share. Lucky for me,Dad had the good sense to sell the farm to me on a land contract 27 years ago,so I'm OK,but if he hadn't,well,let's just say I'm not my mothers favorite. I've already disowned one brother and one sister and we haven't even had to go through settling an estate. My younger brother is executor of her estate when she goes. I've told him many a time,I'm glad it's him not me. It's gonna be a nightmare. The two that I've disowned owe her money and if he tries to get it back by shorting their share,well...I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. Dad gave me all of the personal things that he wanted me to have before he passed away,so that's all I want.

Don't let anybody tell you to forgive them,they're family. Bull sh!t. It doesn't seem to matter to them,so why should it to you. Life's a whole lot more peaceful without @ssholes in it. Just land on your feet and prosper. It's the best revenge you can get.

relaurain · Nov 25, 2008

Not all families will act poorly under those circumstances. Greed and the love of money - (SIN) is what causes family members to take advantage of others for gain. Real Christians won"t do that and pull together in a crisis.
Big difference in how people react towards one another!
Hope everything will work out for you!

El Toro · Nov 25, 2008

You should hire a lawyer to fight it PDQ. Hal

bison · Nov 25, 2008

life can be agravating at times. I too have been in situations where greed was gonna take the upperhand.I learned at a young age not to take things for granted.
Sadly, being decent is not in everybody's vocabulairy. But it hurts the worst if your own family turns out to be greedy like that.

greenbeanman in Kansas · Nov 25, 2008

Did you remember to put down a full dose of herbicides for next years crop? Wrong crop planted by brother---oops forgot to tell you I already put down herbicide.

I expect you did the best thing by breaking ties with the family. Best wishes.

NEsota · Nov 25, 2008

Before my parents passed away in the eighties I motivated them to go to a lawyer and do their estate work. It felt like I was being pushy at the time. They were not rich but a lot of families have come apart fighting over less. Each of us may have received approximately two years equal to our then annual income. Any of us could have found reasons why we should have received more than we did, but we each acted charitably. Ben Franklin said; “You never truly know someone until you split an estate with them”. The three of us, these many years later are still brothers, sister and friends. The fact that we are still family is worth more to me than what ever else they left behind. Communicate.

Nancy Howell · Nov 25, 2008

I am so sorry this happened. James and I understand. I've had it happen in my family and its so hurtful to have family turn on you. Its been 15 or more yrs. since it happened in my family and we have had no communication with that part of the family since and don't plan to. Once someone breaks that trust, its over.

Anonymous-0 · Nov 25, 2008

Joe, I just think, based upon what I read in my Bible, that Satan knows his time is short...and this chapter is about to close. Things will get worse, but if we persevere and turn toward our Creator for guidance, we might be able to witness His return in glory.

It's when we realize that the things of this world are temporary, and start looking toward things that are eternal, that we have taken the first step on a journey toward the TRUE "promised land." I've been a sinner, and human nature will always make me prone to sin; but I pray that His grace and mercy will allow me to overcome my sins, and to become a changed being...one no longer shackled by the things that glitter and bedazzle us in this world, and with the eye on that "pearl of great price" referred to in the scriptures.

bradk · Nov 25, 2008

Be interesting to hear the other side of the story.Always 2 of them ya know!

olgentdc · Nov 25, 2008

AMEN .... ! BUZZ

Anonymous-0 · Nov 25, 2008

My wife makes cemetery monuments and is always bringing home sad stories similar to this. More often than not, a group of heirs turn into a pack of jackals as soon as the body's in the ground. A whole lot of people just see dollar signs when they look at their family farm and have no sympathy for the operator or their parent's wishes.

One story that I liked though was about a man who took care of his mother and ran the farm for decades. His mother had a standard will made out split the inheritance evenly between her three children. However on her death bed it became evident to her that the other two children were going to have the farm sold so she brought a lawyer into the hospital and made sure that the son who was taking care of her got the farm. Then the other two children actually sued trying to get the final will overturned because they said the morphine limited her mental state and the other son put her up to it. I never did hear how it turned out, but I hope for the best.

Glen D Anderson · Nov 25, 2008

Ben Franklin said; “You never truly know someone until you split an estate with them”.

I never heard that before but it couldn't be more accurate...............

Doug in Illinois · Nov 25, 2008

I am very fortunate that my sister and I get along, no sqaubbles after my mom died at age 64 in 2005. On paper, per our mom's wishes, I now one 80 and her the other. But, we are still treating both 80s as if they are still one unit for dividing up expenses and income. Neither one of us will do anything major farm related without asking first. Home 80 has been in family since the late 1800's, the one across the road has only been since around 1950 or so. The farm house that burned on Valentines day last year was built around 1895 with square nails and pegs, still had a lot of late 1800's early 1900's stuff that burned with it. Assh@le meth heads. DOUG

Anonymous-0 · Nov 25, 2008

I have see "good" church folk do it just as much as not believers. How people treat others has NOTHING to do with what or how they worship.

Sounds a little like he didnt have the money to buy it. Sounds like a sad situation all round, but is it his siblings responsibility to finance him? Sounds like he was not treated well but 2 sides to every story is the truth.

Mike (WA) · Nov 25, 2008

Local farmer had a good sized place, and his son had been farming with him for many years. When on his deathbed, he called his children together- two daughters, and the son/ partner. Told them that he had been trying to figure out a way to equalize things, but there just wasn't any way. He told them that there was just no way son could make a living on the farm and pay his sisters for any equity. So, he was leaving the farm, equipment and cattle to son, and all his other assets to the girls. He apologized that the girls share would be nowhere near the value of sons, but that was just the way things were. He asked son to consider his sisters if he had any extra income, but didn't hold him to it. Everyone understood, and it turned out fine. Sisters didn't hold it against him, and he tried to equalize as best he could as he went along. Timber management outfit told him he should log the timber, as it was getting past optimum price/ yield. Sell he did, and instructed the buyer to remit all proceeds to his sisters. They all remain friends. There are still some ethical people out there, but they're getting harder and harder to find.

Mike (WA) · Nov 25, 2008

And now, my own story. Dad and Mom were married for 40 years, mom passed away in 1982. Dad remarried a year later, to a woman whose kids we went to school with and were in our church. Dad had 4 kids, new wife had 4 kids. They both had assets- she, probably more than he. They were married for 20 years, Dad died in 2003 at age 85. They did Wills that left everything to the 8 kids, share and share alike. Of course, nothing to prevent her from changing her Will to leave everything to her own kids, after Dad died. But, to the best of my knowledge, she has not, and is now 90 and still going strong. My sisters and I discussed it some years ago, and agreed that her nurturing Dad for some 15 years beyond when he would have probably died had he been on his own, is probably worth any inheritance we might get. A couple of her kids would probably push to get her to change the Will, but the son who lives locally and handles her affairs thinks the present setup is the most fair. It will be interesting to see how it eventually comes out. I am a lawyer, and would be expected to come out with guns blazing if the will is changed. But I would not do it, as there is no legal basis to contest whatever they do.

tubby · Nov 25, 2008

This is my story, I am an only child and farmed cattle and tobacco with my dad. All of my life I was told, you are doing all this work because this will all be yours someday. Guess what? Along the way he got remarried. She was a great stepmom while he was alive , but when he passed unexpectedly and had no will written. It all became hers and not mine. Years later, after she sold everything farm related and gave me nothing. She needed to move in with her family and needed to sell the homeplace and we bought it. I have bought all the same type tractors and 1 of the originals and I hobby farm. So what I am saying, is hang in there time changes everthing.

There goes the farm

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