Haven't had to deal with this before

37chief · Sep 5, 2019

My wife had her balder removed. After two weeks in the hospital she came home. For a couple weeks I was doing everything in the house. I mean everything. in a few weeks she was recovering, and able to do more in the house. Then last Sunday morning she fell, and broke a bone in her arm where it connects to the shoulder joint. Again she can't do anything. I am back to doing everything again, probably for a 6-8 weeks. On the bright side, if there is one, I don't have any mowing work now, and am able to take care of her. A new challenge for me. The first thing I am going to attempt cooking is a pot of lima beans. I already have the washing machine figured out. My uncle's wife was confined to a bed after the birth of their daughter, he took care of her most of her life. I guess I don't have it so bad. Wife's calling gotta go. Stan

Larry EC-OH · Sep 5, 2019

Hang in there Stan,

It really is harder to do this than talk about it. I'm sure you'll do a great job and your wife will love you for it. If you can, have someone else come in at least once a week, so you will have a little "Me" time. Even if it's only for a few hours, it'll help relieve a little stress.

Hoping for the best for you and your bride.

Larry

r.w.b. · Sep 5, 2019

I wash clothes,dishes ,burn trash , change the cat litter box,done it for years. Im no cook never was or will be.i do those things wife cooks,mops and vacumes.

Billy NY · Sep 5, 2019

Hang in there, these kinds of changes are not easy to say the least. You will need down time at times, hopefully you can find some, but I am sure knowing that your wife is taken care of because you are doing it is also a good feeling, just not an easy thing to do.

I've struggled to deal with my elderly mother for years now and lately she has become obstinate, it's beyond frustrating and never easy. I am thankful for the help I have besides the things I am able to do for her. No way I could do it all. Hate the entire situation, don't like seeing her like this and in the position she's in, problem is with a full time job, there is not much I can do, and it weighs heavy on me 24 hours a day. Some days are better than others, just take it one day at a time.

larry@stinescorner · Sep 5, 2019

Youll get used to it,,hang in there!!Best of luck to you all

Traditional Farmer · Sep 5, 2019

Get a crock pot all kinds of things to easily cook in it,my wife even makes apple butter and apple sauce in them.Nothing better than a couple squirrels with mushroom soup on them
cooked in the crock pot.

flying belgian · Sep 5, 2019

I second the crock pot. At least that part of every meal will be taken care of with little effort. Also, how far are you from a grocer or deli? If you can afford it, go pickup the meals or call ahead to the diner and run in and pick it up. No shame in letting someone else do your cooking.

fixerupper · Sep 5, 2019

Stan I m praying for you and your wife. I have had to be the chief cook and bottle washer several times for Marilyn but it was for a short duration each time. My mother got polio not long after I was born so I grew up helping her. It was good training. Back then we used a wringer washer.

Bruce from Can. · Sep 5, 2019

You are the man Stan ! It is surprising what we can do when we have to. When my wife fell and broke both elbows just before Christmas a few years ago, I looked after all of her needs, milked cows and even cooked Christmas dinner , lol. You will be a expert cook in no time. Be sure to tell your wife how sorry we are she has had this set back.

showcrop · Sep 5, 2019

Well chief at least you are able to do that stuff. I chipped a dish unloading the dishwasher so I am no longer allowed to do that. I mixed some wrong clothes in the laundry so I am not allowed to do that anymore. I can't vacuum properly so I am not allowed to do that. I am allowed to wash some of the floors but that is not often.

Steve@Advance · Sep 5, 2019

Sorry to hear about your wife, praying for a quick recovery.

I don't even want to think about having to do what you are doing!

My wife takes care of all the domestic stuff, doesn't want mt touching anything! The kitchen, laundry, that's here domain, best left alone.

But she has no idea about paying bills, taxes, or making the simplest of house hold repairs.

It's going to be bad when one of us is disabled or gone.

Philip d · Sep 5, 2019

Prayers for you both. I?ve never been in either of your positions as of yet but I?m sure my day will come. My only outside looking in opinionated advice is whatever you do no matter how hard it is do your best to not make her feel like a burden to you. She will be very appreciative of the extra you are doing. If she?s been so helpful before not being able to do it now and seeing you do it will be tough mentally on you both.

SweetFeet · Sep 5, 2019

Stan,
Ohhhh, I hope things go well for your wife. This is very discouraging for both of you.

Been there, done that - on the breaking arm at the shoulder joint. Broke my left one clean-through by falling on ice this past January. Was not allowed to move that arm for 5 full weeks - none, nadda, zippo.
Then when I could start moving it, lots of restrictions as to how much movement and how much weight I could lift... and man, did it hurt to move it!
Then A LOT of physical therapy (most of which I did at home), to regain range of motion and strength in that arm.

It was a much longer and much more painful recovery than I even imagined to be possible! When docs first said 8-9 weeks off-work, I thought they were crazy... figured I'd be up and running in 2-3 weeks... NOT EVEN CLOSE.

So both of you hang in there. If possible, hire some help cleaning or someone to help you cook-up and freeze some meals for reheating. (Our church family was very generous... they provided meals for hubby and I that kept us fed for almost three months.)

Will keep you both in my prayers. Hang in there and keep on keepin' on... both of you.

GlenIdaho · Sep 5, 2019

Bless you Stan. You are being faithful to your vows which you took so many years ago, "In sickness and in health." But more so, you are being faithful to the one who has been faithful to you, and probably did much to care for you during your marriage. Keep up the good work. I am sure she deeply appreciates it and loves you all the more. You are a good husband.

fixerupper · Sep 5, 2019

(quoted from post at 18:25:58 09/05/19) Bless you Stan. You are being faithful to your vows which you took so many years ago, "In sickness and in health." But more so, you are being faithful to the one who has been faithful to you, and probably did much to care for you during your marriage. Keep up the good work. I am sure she deeply appreciates it and loves you all the more. You are a good husband.

Glen you worded your message so well. It is so true.

Hobo,NC · Sep 5, 2019

I looked after a bed ridden dad then my wife had a stoke that paralyzed her on one side I did have some help during those times. When it came to my mom it was all on me every one else was dead... I came to the conclusion if you can wipe your own butt thinks are really not that bad...

Mom always said when I die I bet you will not cook anymore she was wrong I cook and eat at home most every meal...

I will admit I did have to read the washing machine manual : (...

Hang in there she would do it for you...

WI Dan · Sep 5, 2019

You're a good man. I'm sure she'd do the same for you.

greenmech · Sep 5, 2019

Good luck to both of you! Ron MN

JD Seller · Sep 5, 2019

The great thing about a good marriage is that it is a team effort. Your helping her now but I bet she has helped you more???? I know both my wives have helped me more than I have them.

My Mother showed all of us kids how to cook and clean. I still cook some of the meals here. I can do complicated if I have to but usually simple country meals. Got a big ham slow cooking right now. I will slice it tomorrow. Then the ham bone goes into beans for corn bread and beans tomorrow night's supper.

Wheat47 · Sep 5, 2019

After I got home from my knee replacement, I quickly realized my wife wasn't going to
be able to keep house and tend to me. She has her own health issues. So we hired a "home assistant" to come in once or twice a week
for 2 months to do the floors, Dishes in the sink, clean bathrooms and such. Also had her stand by when I took a shower
in case I fell.That was hard for us to do,
as we're used to doing all those things ourselves. We're used to being the helpers,
not the helpee's.

Tim in OR · Sep 5, 2019

Hang in there Stan. It is a new adventure. My first wife took care of me as a young man when I had Cancer. After that, Her health started to deteriorate, so I helped her. Back and forth for 30 years till she finally lost her battle. I Married the woman who helped with my first wife's care the last few years of her life. A couple years ago, my current wife fell like your wife did and shattered that ball at the end of the arm bone. Now the grandkids call her "Bionic Grandma". She has a bad back after lifting a lady she was caring for, and is now waiting for surgery on that, But wait she needs her hip worked on first (something about having a stable foundation to work from). Hip surgery next week.
Hang in there, Its lots of work, but well worth it. A good wife is hard to train (LOL). I plan to do everything I can to keep this one around for as long as possible, as I am sure you are too.
Just keep your head up and look forward to the time when she is healed. Many men won't do what you are doing, I'll bet Most of us here appreciate what you are doing.
I want to say Thank You.
Tim in OR

sms · Sep 6, 2019

Many of us have been there, on both sides of the coin. It's great you are willing to take on the extra work but you may also be eligable for a home aid to help during her convalesence. As much as you want to remain independent just remember many dependent people outlive their caregivers. Take care of yourself also.

MarkB_MI · Sep 6, 2019

Stick in there, Stan.

dr sportster · Sep 6, 2019

Good luck Stan , I hope she heals fast !

Vito · Sep 6, 2019

Hope your wife heals well. I do a lot of housekeeping stuff. I got used to it when I had to care for my two sons on Saturday, she works everyone, when they were young. Little guy is 14 now and started high school this year. I still clean. I don?t know why! Lol

Vito

Paul from MI · Sep 6, 2019

Hang in there Stan. I know you'll do the best for your wife. I guess I'm going to join some of you guys next month when my wife has a knee replaced. She's a retired nurse, so you know how that's going to go. Saying prayers for you both.

Haven't had to deal with this before

Well-known Member

Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Well-known Member

Similar threads