Something had to give.

I posted this on another forum too so you may have read it there.

Because I was semi retired I started doing "grandpa's day care" off and on about 12 years ago. First one son's baby then another. Finally a daughter needed and still needs daycare. Then about a year ago a problem came up with one of our sons family. His wife has severe mental health issues. They moved in with us. Then she had a spectacular melt down and she is now living on her own and freely admits she has trouble taking care of herself much less the 2 girls, 2 and 8. And my son has to work.



So much for empty nest and time to do things like start up farming. A couple of weeks ago I was chomping at the bit to get hay put up. Waiting on him to get back home from work (my wife was at work) so I could get busy with a storm moving in. I actually thought (shame on me) grandkids sure get in the way of farming. Then immediately I was ashamed of myself and thought that if the grandkids were getting "in the way of farming" maybe I should at least cutback if not quit. Grandkids are more important than a dream. The cows ship tomorrow. So much for building a herd. I'm going to keep about 15 acres of hay ground just to have something to play with and an excuse to keep some machinery but other than that I'm done. My nephew will farm the rest in return for a feeder once a year in the spring. Wife will keep her chickens for our own eggs too and I raise my own pork.



Rick

May peace find you as a result of that realization, No regrets. Jim

So what if the daughter in law's problems take them away so you have your life to yourself again? There are a lot of variables in life. Things can change in a hurry.

Sorry to hear. These kinds of stories I think are more prevalent than we realize. Nice to here about the farms where things are new and shiney and nothing is owed on anything and the kids are well adjusted white collar professionals and so forth. Life has a way of throwing serious curve balls at us. I have thought recently a great deal as to things I would have like to have seen happen in my life but did not. I have to stop and think there are plenty of people out there that deal with disappointment or worse besides myself.

You are a very unselfish grandpa. I commend you
for the decisions you have made. May God bless in
a special way.

Things happen in life, I know more than most. For a short time I relied on my parents after my divorce, about 1.5 years. I tried to keep from impacting them as much as possible. They have an rv and travel, go to corvette outings, lions club, etc. Every time they couldn't do something, I felt terrible. They put in their time, and then some, but being a single father with two girls, then 4 and 5, I was killing myself trying to balance things.

I was with them for a year and a half, then had saved to buy my house, about 1/2 mile from them. I'd be out of their hair, but they were close enough should an emergency come up. I still rely on them from time to time now 7 years later, but they worked their whole lives for their retirement, there's no reason they shouldn't get to enjoy it, and if it means sacrificing myself to make it happen, so be it. My children are my responsibility, not theirs. I appreciate their help, but try to minimize the impact on their lives.

It may sound a bit harsh, but you have to think of yourself. There's only so much time for you to do the things you want, your children will have their time, and the grandchildren will have theirs. Helping out with the grandkids, or spending time with them is one thing, but raising another generation is an awful lot to ask.

Only you know what's best for you, I hope you figure it out.

Oldtanker I have always tried to make it Family first. Just be glad your getting the chance to help shape the next generation. I see too many of my friends not get to see their Grand kids maybe once or twice each year. These young ones need you now.

Only you know what is best , but I would keep the kids and the cows. Cows don't need you all the time , you
are not shipping milk, and beef cows don't need the very best hay. Kids will be in school too.

You are needed and I'm sure appreciated for the sacrifices you are making. I also sometimes have the "I" itus. Then realize what is most important. May God bless you in the journey you have ahead of you. Not my will but thine. gobble

only you know what is best,,,and ,,,,those kids are sure gonna love their grandpa!

Hope your daughter in law gets the help she needs to get back on her own...

oldtanker,

Giving up crop farming and raising livestock was a tough decision for my husband... but working full time and getting older made it harder to do. I know it was difficult for him the first couple years when the renter would roll in to plant and/or harvest.

But also, for both of it was a stress-reliever, no more worries about the weather or about him getting injured because he was just too tired after working 10 hour days at the factory 5 or 6 days each week. It was (as still is) nice to just be handed a rent check every May 1.

But once he got adjusted to NOT-farming, he has said several times that he wonders why in the world he waited so long to quit. He enjoys being able to take on a project just for the pleasure of it... like buying our rusty Regular and getting it running.

Hope you will have peace and happiness in your decision.

Hey guys and gals, I'm good with the decision. DIL was in inpatient care for 3 months and the a halfway house for another month. Now she's in an apartment and is being somewhat monitored. My son on the other hand had to make a major move in his life and needed a place to live with the girls. Basically she ran them broke with the mental issues and my son is now starting over in the job market. So he needs the help and the girls need stability. So what if I have to give up the dream? It's not like I need the income. While I'm not rich I have a decent retirement and don't really have to do anything. That's why making this decision isn't so hard. Now I just have to find something to do to keep myself busy. Setting around on my backside isn't good for me. Maybe I can actually work on restoring my tractors?

Rick

Tanker I commend you for what you are doing for your family. Someday your grandkids will have fond memories of you.

Sounds to me like you've got a couple of budding young farm hands in the making there.