JayinNY

You posted a thread here a couple of days ago about how others dealt with 'another' man in their childs life.

I thought about you this afternoon.

I divorced my wife in 1986/1987. My son was three years old at that time. It was a bitter divorce. She had a good/dirty lawyer and mine was easy-going.

I fought for and was awarded joint custody. Never said a bad word about her nor her new husband in front of my son(I looked at it as she was now somebodies else's problem). I got to raise him after she married her new boyfriend. They had two kids. They were always welcome into my house and they visited often.'

I became friends to her new kids and also the husband. They eventually divorced and she went through two more husbands. I can say I am friends with all of them.

Anyway, today her son "from other marriage" brought his wife up to my place to shoot some guns. They know they are always welcome. Heck, for the past few deer seasons her 'Ex" and 'now adult children' come to my place to deer hunt for the past several years.

I find no use for bitterness and try to not hold grudges. I always looked at her 'husbands' as someone extra to love my son. You can't have too many people to care about your kids.

BTW, she just moved about one-thousand miles away to marry her 5th husband.

Thanks Greg, I just was blind sided by this, why she wanted a child with me and then 2.5 years later she does this I will never know. I am very close to my child, maybe there's something wrong with me, for being so attached to my daughter and careing so much about her, but iv really struggled with her not being with me as much anymore. I don't want my daughter to grow up to be a messed up person because of her moms actions. I do not say anything bad about my daughters mom to my daughter. We have been seperated since last June.

I feel for you since I've been through it too. You really need to concentrate on holding yourself together. Most that go through this go a little crazy for a while, and I've seen some completely loose it. Be happy for the time you get and enjoy that, time spent thinking about what coulda or woulda is wasted time. I worry about you because every time you post about this you sound like someone close to loosing it to me. If that happens you will be no good to anyone, especially your girl. Mine are all adults now and long gone from home and after all this time I can say that even tho I thought it would be a disaster, they all turned out great. And we all have a good relationship now. It looks bleak at this point, but it will work out as long as you hold it together.

Jay, I went through a divorce from Aug 2002- Dec 2003. Had a very young son and preteen step-daughter. After the divorce was concluded, was paying child support for my son. After about 3 years ex's mother told me that ex was taking the money and blowing it at the casino the same night she received it. There after I gave the money to my son and he had a better life. I admit his formative years were hard on him, but he has turned out really good. Has 2 tours in asskrackastan, married and they provided me with a granddaughter this past January. I am very close to my step daughter also and she provided me with a grandson in November. He his great. Time will tell and you need to be actively involved like you are in your lovely daughters life. I wish you the best of luck and am pulling for you.

Leonard

Thanks Jon, no I'm not gonna loose it. It's just been a very hard adjustment in life, one minute everything's fine, the next minute your life is upside down. Your post the other day made me realize that I have to accept the situation and move on. Yes I'm glad for every second I have with my daughter, I guess now that this has been going on for almost a year, iv accepted it for what it is. I don't like it but nothing I can do.

Some awesome caring men here!

I have been through it too and our older of two daughters was killed in a car wreck in the midst of it! At the time I didnt think there would/could be life after it. I prayed a lot and stayed close to good people. It has been almost ten years now and I am OK.

You are not too attached to the daughter! Men have parental feelings, instincts too!

You have had or I should say are having a terrible loss in your life. Though I hate to admit it there is a grieving process we go through that somehow resets our feelers. Get done what you have to and then let the healing begin.

Also, like some of the others, I am friends with the ex and her new husband.

Jay (NW Ohio)

Jay, I can't tell if there's anything right or wrong about being so close with your daughter, but I can tell you you're not alone. I'm the same way.

When my kids were that age, I used to have to travel a lot for business. I remember that sickening feeling - a combination of guilt and missing them while I was constantly away for several days at a time. I did that for many years I hated every minute of it, but it was hard to break out of it. Always a question of "do I see more of my kids - or do I provide for them?"

Not to sound corny but I think in the long run when it comes to love, it's really not about quantity, it's about quality. If you love her as much as you do, she'll know it.

A little girl needs a strong father figure to keep her on a good track. You'll be that even if, like me, you can't spend as much time with her as you like.

Seriously, I know it's easy to say and tough to do, but don't worry about the quantity.

Just continue be her father.

You'll share good times and bad. She's a girl - she'll be an emotional whirlwind through her teen years. Believe it or not, that little angel and you are going to have some pretty heated arguments, and there will even be times she hates you and doesn't want to see you. Just continue to be a good role model, and when she grows up through it all, the two of you will have a special relationship that nobody can touch, no matter what goes on around her on her mother's side. You'll always be her dad.