OT--Growing older and loosing friends loved ones

I am 69 years old and grew up with two older sisters and one older brother. I also had a younger brother and a sister.
My baby sister lost her battle with cancer and passed away yesterday at the age of 65. She left her only husband, four children and four grandchildren.
Now, all that are left of my family is my older sister age 75 and me.
This is especially hard for me because we were so close growing up. Many times, she would come to me with problems she had before talking to anyone else, and continued to do so up until the end.
My wife loved her like a sister and we both will miss her.

So sorry for your loss. Prayers for comfort and
healing coming your way.

I suppose that is one of the big disadvantages of getting older. I totally sympathize. I have lost a number of family and loved ones along the way as well. Never easy. Last August, I attended the funeral of my best friend of many years. He was only 61, and lost to diabetes. Seems the longer we stay around the lonelier we get. Sorry for your loss.

I have a situation where I started a professional practice 25 years ago. In addition to family, I have a large client base, many of whom have grown to be close to the family over the years. As luck would have it, my client base average age was 15-20 years older than me. It is shifting the other way now as I do work for children and grandchildren of the originals and each year I say goodbye forever to a few of the older ones. Two year ago I watched as 14 old friends passed on. You can tell yourself it is part of life, but it does nothing to soften the pain. I am sorry for your loss. Keep your chin up and move on with the path that has been chosen for you. There really is no other solution.

I've been thinking about those things lately. I am 3 months away from turning 80; have an older and a younger brother left. Two cousins in nursing homes, so not many family of my generation left.

I had friends in college that were lost one-by-one. The first stepped on a land mine in Viet Nam 6 months after we graduated, then ever so often I lost another. As far as I know, they are all gone except one that lives a 4-hour drive away in the same state.

Makes one wonder why he/she is still here when all the other have gone. We don't know the answer to that, so we can just wonder about it.

We had an old family friend that felt sad that all his friends, and his own children, were gone and he was still alive. He passed away at 101 while in surgery for a broken hip - and still had all of his own teeth.

Condolences on your loss. I lost a very good and close friend a couple years ago. I still miss his humor and his no "sugar-coating" anything. Always knew where you stood.

Larry

I'm also 79, and my high school class has lost 33 members of a class of 69. Exactly one third are gone.

A day doesn't go past that I don't thank the Good Lord for the enduring health and cognitive abilities He's blessed me with.

Yup, I'm beginning to see that trend as well. Sure makes you wonder why so many people want to live to be 100. I have better plans....

I am 38 and lost my dad 5 years ago. He would of been 84 this year if he was still around. I knew all of his friends, most are gone now. I knew his whole generation, most of which are gone now. Its quit shocking even at my age to remember those you knew who are now gone.

I remember a discussion with my grandmother one time about
her longevity, sort of along the lines of gee, it must be neat to be
old and have seen so much over your life.

Her response was its terrible, get to watch all your family and
friends die and be lonely.

Had another discussion with another older lady about all the
advancements in her time, she was 15 when the Wright Brothers
made their first flight and told me about it. Was completely
unimpressed with technology. Didn't drive, didn't care much for
electricity as her childhood home was expropriated for a power
dam in the 1950's and hadn't quite got over that.

Ummm. 33 out of 69 is a bit bigger than a 3rd. Unless this is your joke....

I know what you mean. I have a cousin my age and it seems like we see each other at the funeral home more than we do anyplace else. Now his wife has pancreatic cancer. Sometimes I swear it's just a race to the last man standing. Either he or I will be there at the others funeral then that'll be the end.

Growing older and losing loved ones is much better than losing them while they are young.

My oldest brother died of cancer when he was 28. My dad died of cancer when he as 52 - leaving three children under age 16. We buried my oldest son when he was 9 months old - born with a heart condition that he battled from the first hour of his life to the last.

Sorry for your loss.

Most of us on this forum have some age on us and have and are losing family and loved ones.

My FIL started a tradition of having a red rose for each living brother and sister and a white on for each who had passed. He never told anyone except his siblings. He passed a couple of years ago and the sole survivor told the story of the roses at his funeral. There were 5 white roses and one red. Funny thing is she is twice a cancer survivor. She was pretty tore up having to tell that story.

Wife's grandma died about 3 years ago at 102. She remembered seeing bi wing aircraft. most people getting electricity, seeing men go to fight in WWI, cars becoming the norm, sending her own family off to fight WWII and Korea. Jet aircraft, indoor plumbing, seeing grandkids go to fight in Viet Nam, man walk on the moon, telephones becoming common to cell phones. She, right up to the end could tell you how many grand children, great grand children and great great grand kids she had. Right up to 99 she made a baby blanket for each one. She had lost 2 husbands and buried 3 kids. Only my MIL and one of her sisters survived her. Tuff old lady who never complained about anything. But man the stories she could tell! She had a lot of family here in the local area and was never lonely. Heck at times I'd even stop in to see her just by myself. I loved to get her talking about the stuff she saw.

Interestingly while she was dying of cancer there was another old guy in the nursing home who had been a Marine in WWII. His room mate was dying and no one was there for him. The last couple of weeks he refused to leave the room because "you never leave a man behind". I'd go with the wife. Her grandma had 3-4 or more people with her just about 24/7. After I said my hello's and made sure Bessie knew I was there I'd go down to the Marines room and sit with him so he'd take a nap. His kids, who came every weekend, were very nice and offered to pay me for sitting with him. Couldn't take money for that, he was quite an old guy and really opened up and told stories when I told him I was retired Army. I continued to visit even after his room mate was gone. About 6 months later he passed in his sleep.

Two things for certain, we are all mortal and we start dying form the day we are born.

Sorry for your loss.

Rick

(quoted from post at 22:13:26 09/09/14) Growing older and losing loved ones is much better than losing them while they are young.

My oldest brother died of cancer when he was 28. My dad died of cancer when he as 52 - leaving three children under age 16. We buried my oldest son when he was 9 months old - born with a heart condition that he battled from the first hour of his life to the last.

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Your post reminds me of a discussion we were having at work.
One of my co-workers lost a 3 year old grandchild in an auto accident and to say the least, he was devastated.
Someone in the break room made the statement that nothing could be worse then having to bury a child or grandchild.
Another person said "I think not knowing what happened to one, would be worse".
It wasn't said but I think one of his small children disappeared, years ago, and they never found him?

I could agree with that.

His death just about ended our marriage - its not exactly a chapter in "What to expect when you are expecting".

I bought my first house from a man who was 96.
He signed the papers himself at the closing.
I had rented the upstairs from him for a couple years before he had to sell out and move to a nursing home so I got to know him pretty well.
He told me a couple of times that the hardest part about being so old is he had outlived everyone he ever knew - two sons, wife, all of his old chums, everybody.

That statement reminded me of another one I heard. The hardest part of getting old is remembering when you was young. I thought that one was a good one too. Maybe not refering to lost loved ones specifically, but things you use to be able to do probly more so.

A saying I heard once, "getting old aint for wimps" I am in my upper 40s now. Like someone below on this thread said, remembering all the stuff you did when you were younger is hard sometimes. I still have good memories of dating girls when I was in high school, when my wife and I were young. Why does it seem that time goes by faster and faster as I get older? A good friend of mine had prostate removal surgery a year ago and he is 48, just had hernia surgery 2 months ago too. I also had hernia surgery 4 months ago. I now know why a lot of older folks get depression. Remembering all the stuff you did when you were younger and now you cannot do it all. I ask the Almighty from time to time if I can work until the age of 65 with no major health issues. We will see.......
I really feel for older folks that outlive their children.......Real Real hard to bury your children.

wile E- When you were 10, one year was a huge percentage of your total time on earth...10%

Now, you are 48 and one year represents only 1/48th of your time on earth.

So, as those fractions get smaller, it seems as if time does go by faster as you get older.

Greg

Don't know- I was back home in 2010 for a High School reunion, 10% of the
class of 1977 is already gone, first death was 3 months after we
graduated. We have several families with entire generations already gone both from grade school and High School. Still haven't figured out longevity, both my paternal
grandparents died when they were 45, they both had parents that were
alive to bury them. Some of my Grandma Baker's siblings lived well into
their 90's I visited one of her sister's 30 years after Grandma died and
went to her mother's funeral (my great grandma) 10 years after grandma
passed passed. My mother-in law passed when she was 50, Her mother and
both her siblings lived to be in their 90's. It was both funny and sad at
her Uncle's funeral, we were at the reception and I was talking to one of
the friends and she started telling me "you know there was another sister
but she died over 30 years ago" I replied yes she was named Esther, she
asked me how I knew of Esther, I pointed over to my two pre-teen daughters
and told her those are my daughters, they're also Esther's grand
daughters. My dad and both his brothers are gone all before they were 75,
only my aunt (their sister) is left, she is the oldest and a 3 time cancer survivor as well as many other ailments (diabetes and some heart issues) . Of the 13 paternal cousins in my generation we have lost two, the first over 50 years ago, the second a little over 15 years ago.

Sorry for your loss. They say that time heals all
wounds. Praying for you.

Spook............think typo error
33 of 99...........No big deal!

My grandmother died several years ago at 99. We
were very happy for her to live so long as she
had suffered a major stroke 10 years earlier
and basically recovered almost 100%. The part
that didn't recover was her talking. She
actually could talk, but she just kept quiet,
explaining she didn't have anything to say.
Well, obviously, hearing our elders talk about
their lives is what family is all about. So,
thats the part she lost. It was nice having her
but a real loss not to have her stories.

Oops. More like almost half.

Jiles, it is great that a family can be that close, but it does make it harder when you lose one. My family was very close, my only sibling, my sister is 5 years younger than me, and we talk by phone two or three times a week. It does make it somewhat difficult when you realize that all those to whom you always went to for advice are gone and people are coming to you for advice. My condolences to you and your family on your loss, It will take some time. I know from experience.

I'm 58 and I've lived in the same area all of my life. I can take a walk through the local cemetery, all the people that I remember!

(quoted from post at 21:54:44 09/09/14) Spook............think typo error
33 of 99...........No big deal!

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Or 23 out of 69.

We all have a finite number of days on this Earth
few think about it when they're young but as we get older it rings home as people we know die off.That's why I'm determined to make each day really count as though it were my last day because it just might be that.Fellow I worked with always wouldn't spend a nickel on anything always said "When I retire" I'll do so and so and have enough $$$ to do what I want.When he was 58 he went to the bank one Friday cashed his paycheck and dropped dead of a massive heart attack before he got back to his car.Made me rethink a lot of things.

There is a lot in the Bible about this being a temporary place. The really sad thing, is not that this a temporary place but, there will only be a few in the perfect place that follows.

Condolances on the loss of your sister.

Lost my older sister 2 months before 54th birthday to cancer. Our Mom was almost devastated to bury one of her children. Day after my 53rd birthday I had a heart attack, a month later had a 2nd heart attack. Talk about Mom being scared as she only had 2 of us.

I had a couple of Uncles who always said the same thing, they were going to live life when they retired, the Uncles were so set in their ways by the time they retired they never would spend a dime or enjoy what they had worked for. Both had heirs that were glad that they saved most of their money. My Dad was just the opposite, when he retired he and my Mother had about 20 good years where their health allowed them to travel and do what they wanted and they had the money to do it, I was and am glad it worked out like that.

Dad use to like to do that. His uncle (born about 1896 and lived to be very old) did too. He could remember about everyone in the cemetary. He liked to walk through and stop at every grave and tell a story about the person if he had someone with him that didn't know the people.

(quoted from post at 16:47:24 09/10/14) Dad use to like to do that. His uncle (born about 1896 and lived to be very old) did too. He could remember about everyone in the cemetary. He liked to walk through and stop at every grave and tell a story about the person if he had someone with him that didn't know the people.

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With today's phone system being a majority of cell phones, all my contact home phone numbers have been dropped.
That has been a problem for me trying to contact out of town relatives to inform them of my sister's death.
I just got off the phone with a first cousin, whose last name is the same as mine.
Since he was 84 years old, we had a lengthy conversation that revealed much information in relation as to how we were kin and a large amount of family history.