OT--Laws they dont teach in Physics

1.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Mechanical Repair[/b:a6ad0551ae] - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Gravity[/b:a6ad0551ae] - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Probability[/b:a6ad0551ae] - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Random Numbers[/b:a6ad0551ae] - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.[b:a6ad0551ae]Variation Law[/b:a6ad0551ae] - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of the Bath[/b:a6ad0551ae] - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Close Encounters[/b:a6ad0551ae] - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of the Result[/b:a6ad0551ae] - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Biomechanics[/b:a6ad0551ae] - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena[/b:a6ad0551ae] - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11.[b:a6ad0551ae]The Coffee Law[/b:a6ad0551ae] - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.[b:a6ad0551ae]Murphy's Law of Lockers[/b:a6ad0551ae] - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Physical Surfaces[/b:a6ad0551ae] - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Logical Argument [/b:a6ad0551ae]- Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15. [b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Physical Appearance[/b:a6ad0551ae] - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Public Speaking[/b:a6ad0551ae] -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17.[b:a6ad0551ae]Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy[/b:a6ad0551ae] - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18.[b:a6ad0551ae]Doctors' Law[/b:a6ad0551ae] - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Yo might add; if you are ready to check out of the store and get in line at the checkout with only one person there the line next to you with half dozen people will be out of the store before you.
You know what I mean Vern?"

You left out a few laws:

If you have a flat surface, say a work bench, you
will fill it with junk.

All storage buildings, sooner than later, will be
filled to max with junk.

You can't push with a rope.

You can't put 10 gallons of bull poo in a 5 gallon
bucket.

Thing will break, late at night, when the weather
is nasty, or on holidays, when you can't get
parts.

I'm sure we have only touched all the laws.

The laws of physics are good ones. No court has
over turned them.

Centrifugal force: if you drop a socket next to a vehicle, it will roll to the exact center of the vehicle.

I knew an old mechanic, and if he was wyrking on something that gave him the fits, if yo axed him what wuz wrong he would say they put the blasted threads on the wrong end of the bolts.

No that's called center of gravity.

Law of Naval Hatch Covers;
Only after removing the last of the 42 bolts, will you discover you have removed the wrong hatch cover.
Only after re-installing all 42 bolts, washers, lock-washers and nuts, and torquing them in the correct sequence, will you discover the gasket down by your feet.

Law of Wise Jewish Rabbi's;
The wise old rabbi was presented with an insoluable problem, apparently a violation of the laws of the universe. Mrs. Cohen had dropped a slice of buttered bread, and it landed butter-side-UP! A violation of the laws of nature. What could have happened?
Only after 2 months, only after consulting the chief rabbi, did he arrive at the correct answer; Mrs. Cohen had somehow buttered the wrong side.

So true...If you ever see me in line at Costco, DO NOT get behind me. The one in front always has problems.

Law of Dropped Tools -
Any dropped tool will cause irreparable damage to the most expensive object anywhere within range. A dropped 49-cent socket will ruin something of your wifes' worth $400.

Law of Dropped Fragile Items -
Any dropped item will land so as to damage itself as severely as possible.

A friend told me that when his elderly mother in law moved to a nursing home--she took his toothbrush!!

The law that always works for me.

If you lose something. Just go buy another. Then you will have two.Because you will find the one you lost.

When you sell a tractor...
that is the most reliable, dependable machine that you've had the pleasure to own..
When the trailer arrives..
it won't start...
it'll puke gas out the carb...
a tire will go down....

Most tractor people have a sense of humor though.
"Look, it doesn't want to leave!"

I like #2.

A couple of months ago, I was adding a bit of oil to my wife's Chrysler T&C. I had the filler cap sitting on the radiator support. The filler cap fell off.

From where it was sitting, it should have fallen straight down onto the garage floor. I never did find it. I had to buy a new filler cap.

BTW, that Chrysler will take about a quart of oil in 3,000 miles. My Dodge Grand Caravan with the same engine and 40K more miles won't drop an eighth of an inch in 3,000. Go figure.

How true. Most Banks and some other places have adopted a new way. Have everyone stand back a bit and then next cashier available calls on next in line.

I have turned over a new leaf since I have retired from full time work. Many times if I sense a person behind me is in a hurry I let them go ahead......especially if she is young and good looking ! ☺

Yeah, and the person checking out in front of you waits until the cashier gives them the total, THEN they start searching through their purse for their checkbook in order to write a check!

or the law of the impossable
my dad lost a new BLUE GRASS hammer while putting up sheet rock in his new house ,he only had that one hammer ,that was in 1938 last week tore down a section of wall and there was that hammer on a cross brace , still a mistery as to how