O/T farmer to farmer advice...long

Hello everyone,
I have been stalling on this subject for awhile now, but I decided to write about it to see what kind of responses I would get on this issue. I have a very good friend that is afraid that this might be his last year farming. He is a very small farmer in acreage, livestock etc. He quit raising cattle late this Fall, which was his main passion. He loved his beef cattle dearly. He told me the last few years of drought and certain decisions in life have unfortunately have taken their toll on him financially. I have worked side by side him. He is one hard workin' fella. I don't think he knows when to quit. Whether it was baling hay, pitchin' manure by hand, shoveling corn, picking rocks, it didn't matter. He enjoyed all that farming life had to offer him, good or bad. I know he had both hips redone last year, now his shoulders are giving him problems. He works a full time job and farms part time. Another hard thing for him he said is wondering if he will have to sell everything and worse yet...move to town. He is in his middle to upper 40's in age. Damn hard worker. He told me after the cattle left that his heart left the farm too. He just wasn't the same person during Fall field work. I could tell it. He loves Fall harvest, this year was just very tough on him. He says that he just can't show his wife his inner feelings. He goes to the empty cattle barn and just cries at times. I guess what I am getting at is, how do you look to your friend with tear filled eyes and say I'm sorry, but I can't help you financially. I pray for him often. I hope God has a plan for my friend. Thank you everyone for listening/reading.
Kow Farmer Kurt

Kurt, I'm getting to that point myself. SWMBO wants me to quit, but I keep going hoping the youngest grandson will want to continue, so I don't want to dismantle everything too soon. Ground around here is too hard to come by with the BFO's around. And it's too hard for a kid to get started without a base to help him. But, then, I'm in my late 60's. One thing he might want to do is to 'foster' a younger guy who wants to get started and help him do it. At least, he'll leave a legacy.....

Is he asking for help financially or just a friend's ear?
If he's asking for financial help and that's not possible, say so.
A friend will understand that. We all have tough times.
If he needs someone to talk to, you're doing what is needed.
I wish him the best of luck. Hopefully things will pick up for him.

"He goes to the empty cattle barn and just cries at times." I'd try to keep a close eye on him. He could be suffering depression and that isn't good. Look up warning signs for suicide prevention NOW.

As far s financial help. If he's a good friend and you can't help he will understand. Sometimes all you can do is be a good listener.

Rick

I can relate to your position, and his. A person has to come to terms with the fact that you only have so many "hours" in ya. Same is true when you know you have to press onward, digging deep and mustering what it takes to get where you are headed. Life is a book, and you go from chapter to chapter, some of which bring closure on things, which can be extremely difficult to accept, but you must, we all have to at some point. Knowing that, gives you justification, to find closure and move on, be it into your declining years. Its not an easy decision to make, I too would want to find a way, figure it out, but the toughest of us will be humbled just the same.

Our long time friend, neighbor and farmer, a long time dairyman, a farmers farmer, and it just does not run any deeper than it does in this man. He's overcome having his place burnt to the ground, I believe twice, I saw the last one. His health retired him, not his mind. I went to visit with him not too long ago, and I realize that with what he is dealing with, will eventually get him, being an overwhelming condition, however he's toughed it out, and just keeps persisting, though he's going through h$ll at times, which I have seen while visiting with him when hospitalized. I don't know how he musters the courage to accept that this chapter is closed, when speaking with him, there are times you can tell how hard it is on him, to know this. I admire one thing about him, he always looks at tomorrow being a better day, and often says, "I have my good days and my bad days"

His condition is not cancer, its his liver, and related problems, not from excessive alcohol or anything of the sort, related to diabetes, which he's looked after medically for years or since he knew.

It was hard to sit across the kitchen table from him, as I had done so many times before, I spent most of one year working with him, many times after a hard day, come on in, have dinner ! They always feed you, his wife would always bring something to the field every time we worked. It was a good year, I had helped him with hay for years, bought hay, hired him to haul bedding, even put up my own hay with his equipment, well filled my order for the best 2nd cut I could buy. Then, going all the way back to the beginning, just a lot of history, working this land, he'd get stuck, my father would fire up the D7 pull him out, years later I get stuck, he'd come right over. Remember one year, got stuck with the mower conditioner on, + some other problem, just had no time to get this field cut and baled, he came over and did it, always there if you needed him. Its hard to imagine as time passes that things change, you want them to remain the same, but they never do.

I look at the one field he still planted here, nothing but weeds, which I now cut every year. Its hard to imagine not seeing that tractor roll in every spring, like it has since before I was born, to plant crops, same with harvest. I plant part of it now, just forage for deer.

In '09, his shed was full of equipment, much of it is gone, though his sons will continue with hay, all of the rented ground on our side is gone to the large operator, as well as another farm he rented most of. One thing I miss, is seeing the equipment rolling down his road and over to this side, no need to anymore. A peak high of land, equipment and crops to plant and harvest, to the downsizing that had to take place. I think he had 60 years in farming, I always enjoy seeing the photo on the wall of a young man, a full head of hair, a JD 420 and JD tow behind combine, he started out doing his and custom work, also worked at a feed store, a large stable, drove school bus, and still worked with his dad on their farm. A guy like him defines the word work, what a farmer is, and many similar things.

At some point be it earlier in life or towards the end, you have to look back, have no regrets, and move on. Its tough to see a strong hard working person become disabled and have to hang it up, he did well in life, hard to understand why he's been burdened with debilitating health, but it will happen to all of us.

Kurt- I need time to respond to your msg....cuz I went thru the same farming issues your friend is in...back in the 80s. I"m a bull-headed German, never quit attitude....that"s what got me through mid 60s Army paratrooper training, Army Green Beret"s...you can kick me out but I"ll never quit! And only 3% of us made it through all of that!

Same thing with farming in the 80s......Your friend is lucky that he has you on his side...supporting him. Worst thing is someone that feels he has no friends. Big comfort I found in the 80s was that.....most of my neighbors had similar issues! Best advice I got back then....older brother of a best HS friend said.....don"t confuse your net worth, with your self worth. Think about that for awhile...lotsa truth there.... have him think about all the positive things he"s done in his life, and is still doing......

He could probably afford to have a few beef cattle out there in that empty barn couldn't he? I know a few people that just keep a few around just for a hobby. Don't need a 100 of them. Just a handfull of them to keep the barn alive.

I was there too a few years ago. Too much junk going on. It can pass.

Just paid the $510 furnace repair bill, got the ditch cleaning bill yesterday and property tax is due Friday, waiting on the new well bill to come any day (360 feet ain't going to be cheap), two tractors need some work, got a new to me combine last month, the wind knocked $10,000 of corn and beans on the ground the 2nd day of harvest.

Trying to plow cornstalks yet, getting cold, new to me stalk chopper broke, plow blew a hyd line yesterday, was scary when tractor hyd quit 2 days ago - guess I need to change filters every now and then - and people keep wanting a few hours of my time keeping me out of the field.....

Getting to be that way again here too, what is it all for.....

But it works through.

I've got 2 early spring calves, they got no respect for my fences, can make you a deal........ not sure they would cheer anyone up tho!

Paul

Couple days of this can really drag a person down.

Paul

You do not have to answer here.

Is he honest?

Can you rent his farm?

Do you want to rent his farm?

would some kind of an arrangement make you both a $ ?

I hate to quit and have no kids but I have found the right kind of a young fellow who wants to get started and I am depending on him.

Any business arrangement needs three things, Honesty, Ambition, Knowledge. Little else matters but must have all three.

Depression. Get 'im to a doctor!

Allan

Allen has the right answer, maybe talk to him and tell him he definitely need to see a doctor. He way to young to think this way. Just tell him to go to his reg M.D. That's the best thing you can do. Trust me!

You can tell him he's depressed and maybe even talk him into seeing a Dr. that will give him a scrip for very expensive drugs that are not really all that good for you with their side effects, but it's not going to help with the root cause. BT,DT, got the tee shirt. Being a good friend and listening will do a lot for him. Sometimes people just need to hear themselves say whats getting to them and a little help sorting things out. I don't have an answer for you as far as the money end of things. I'd be far better off financially on a little lot in a town someplace but I'd be miserable. I need the day to day change and challenge or I get bored silly and become a much darker person. See if you can help him find options, pray with him, listen and be supportive.

Paul, your days sound about like mine- endless struggle to fix 15 things so you can do one thing that isn't going to be as financially rewarding as you'd hoped.

Farming ain't for everyone there's the great side being outside doing things and personal freedom every day but there's the negative side too.Extreme ups and extreme downs especially financially you gotta be just as tough mentally as well as physically.If he's working a full time job and still can't keep a few head of cattle around something more has to be going on in his life and him saying he can't say things to his wife is a good indicator where to start looking.You can't farm and not have the support of the wife I tried when I was young and never missed that woman at all.Best farming decision I ever made was to cut her loose.

Soooooooo it's all about me? he needs to get his head pulled out from between his knees and look around at how good he has it compared to many others. Sure he never made it big, probably only 5% do. But you know what? 80% of those 5% still look at others and feel sorry for themselves that they don't have what the other guy has. Everybody spends nearly every dime they make right? He has a full time job. There are many that don't even have that. He got hip replacements while many need them and can't get them. He needs to start praising God for what he has and go start helping some old folks whose houses are falling down around them and can't hire anything done. In a couple weeks he could be wealthy beyond measure. If you can't do it yourself you must know a believer who can take him to some scripture, like psalm 73, that can make you feel sorry for those who "have it all" He needs to get his eye off the hole and onto the donut.

It seems to be real hard to get farming out of ones blood if you did it because you loved it to begin with.

been down that road.my dad did not want me to farm .i blackmailed him into getting it the next day he went to the bank to get them to sell me out proved forgerys put the judge tossed it along with other proof my lawyer did something she wasnt supposed to do so i keeped the farm she got fired .at the same time middle of winter working in factory milking cows and girlfriend in hospital with open heart surgery lost over 50 lbs in less than a month.but i remember every word of hope and the very few that defied the bank and my dad and family to help a lot of days dying would have been easier but i remembered the faith that people had put in me.today i have health issues a lot of people would still like to see me lose this farm but i will not let the people down that had faith in me and i will gladly help others for now its my turn to help.

I agree, he probably needs medical help or he will become a suicide statistic.

But you didn't say how many acres he has. Is it enough someone would share crop it, even if it is for hay?

I only have 18 acres of pasture left and the tennant gave me a check the other day for $660. That was for my 1/3 of the hay,and I never lifted a finger.

There are also people who would lease the pasture for butcher cattle or to board horses.

Look at what his property has to offer, then, maybe even get with you local University Extension office to get help evaluating what his options are.

Good luck to you both.

Gene

Agreed.

Believe it or not major surgery, life changes (call it "man o pause") and a string of bad luck can do that to any person. Asking for help isn't being weak.

"One thing he might want to do is to 'foster' a younger guy who wants to get started and help him do it. At least, he'll leave a legacy....."

Totally agree. WIN.WIN. Rental income plus giving someone else opportunity.

He might check with the local high school's FFA adviser or community college AG department and find a good match. Having a young person around that is full of optimism and vigor might just change his outlook on life.

Think of all the fun you are having.

Get him some help. He is giving warning signs. My wife's cousin didn't, shot himself in the head behind his house. Left no note or any indication why. Family is devastated and still searching for answers. This fellow still has a chance.

The guy is in his forties . That is pretty young.Alot of life left ahead. I think there maybe more going on here as others have stated.If you can't physically do your job that is depressing. Dosen't seem share any feelings with the wife thats not good either. I would keep on top of this .Depression is a strange thing.

The way I read this problem is that the guy is not only worn out but he is out of cash. That would be a bit of a problem for a young guy. The cash/capital is what young guys are short on.

Head over to your local salvage yard and get yourself an old reel off a corn header. It'll make your life better and shouldnt break the bank. We took one off an old 6 row head and made a 3 row for a plot combine. We powered it with a small 12V motor. I'm sure you can drive it mechanically off your header with a countershaft. It was raised up and down by the hydraulic reel lift control for the platform. Between the rotating of the reel and the ability to raise it up and down it kept us from having to constantly get off the combine. I think we gave $300 for the 6 row reel.

Maybe a challenge but not unachievable.
Definitely tougher for young farmers today if their family doesn't have some surplus ground available.

I rented out part my farm this year for the first time to an ambitious young man.No way could he compete with the higher rents the BTO's are paying. I'm not that much of a benevolent person, but, I also believe in giving young people opportunity if they have a work ethic and are honest. He could handle rent on 80 acres so that's we we settled on.

I'm just saying some year to year income for this gentleman is better than nothing and maybe having some new young blood around might perk him up and help with the depression.

I live a few miles from Kow, probably should know who he's
talking about. But I'm kinda a bull in a china shop with these
sorts of topics, not the best person to open my mouth, I put my
foot in and make things worse.

Doesn't mean I don't care.

Your last line kinda sums up farming, but most days it brings a
smile and despite the problems, the last couple of years have
been good and so I can keep on going a few more years.

Paul

I'm not a farmer but I agree with those that said he's depressed and needs help immediately!
I lost a friend to suicide a few years ago. He was depressed and thought he was fighting alone when in fact he had many friends that would gladly have helped him.

I normally wouldn't respond to this kind of post. The best thing you can do for this man won't cost you a thing. Talk to him. Whether you go over there or do it over the phone, talking will be the biggest help. By the way you're describing things, it seems like depression fits. If he goes to church, talk to his minister. See if he can talk to him too. The more people he has on his side, the less depressed he'll be.

There was a man here (call him Bob) about 15 years ago that was depressed and suicidal. I don't know the whole story, but every few months whenever Bob was feeling really down, he would call the minister and talk to him. The pastor would talk him out of it, give him reasons it was a bad idea, etc. He would spend whatever time it took and Bob would be good for a few months. Very helpful and as good as they come. A new minister came in and within about 6 months Bob had committed suicide. The new guy went to his place, stood in his driveway, and told him not to do it. Probably wasn't there 20 minutes. My point is that it only takes one person. 1 single caring person can make all the difference.

Any chance he could get a couple cows to keep him company?