the big D

Like many of us, myself included, I have a very close friend that will be going through a divorce soon and he asked for advice that I couldn"t give. He saw a lawyer yesterday and was telling his tale, which is unlike mine in this is an amicable split. His wife has said that she is looking for nothing but the retirement account that she has worked for for years and the truck she drives and nothing more. This guy has done things the "old fashioned way" and has much of his business assessed along with his ground paid in full.said lawyer told him that the judge would never accept this arrangement and he would have to start doing appraisal s on everything he owns and pay her off applicably. This I"d not her wish (possibly since she strayed) but regardless..... NYS has adopted the no fault divorce so it is just property settlement. ( Same thing I am dealing with 6 yes later.) Died anyone have any experience to tell weather the lawyer was rt or just trying to garner more income and start a battle that isn"t even there. I just thought with law advice for the landowner concerning gas pipeline right of ways you all may have some sound advice for my pal.

If she wants a truck, and her retirement (she's probably entitled to half of his for the time they are married), and nothing more, I'd jump at it. My ex's lawyer strung mine out, and it took three years to give her a nice retirement, a house and no bills, and the beyotch wanted more (her lawyer). If he can get out cheap now, that's his best bet. Write up a contract, and get a judge to decree it.

If the couple has reached an agreement, I don't see how a judge could force them to do something else. Of course, I realize that laws differ from state to state. Sounds like the lawyer is just after more money. It may be worth paying a consultation fee and talking to another lawyer just to see what he says. A few years ago when my daughter and her husband split her lawyer kept advising her to do this and that until she wound up dang nigh broke. She never would tell me how much the lawyer took her for.

Maybe I wasn't to clear. She said these things were what she wanted. His lawyer said it would be unacceptable to the judge. This is the baffling part.

I think he's probably right. If it looks one sided, the judge won't accept it.

They say in a small town it is hard for a lawyer to make a living, although 2 lawyers in a small town can do very well. When I was a Dept Sheriff I spent a few months as a Bailiff in a family courtroom. Worst job I ever had. I can't imagine any couple in a divorce presenting a stipulation and agreement to the judge and getting it declined. Most judges would just as soon not have people comming in and saying all those awful things about each other then having to make a decision. Your friend needs a different lawyer, or a paralegal. Of course on the other hand, think about how much damage a noncontested divorce does to the economy. Tens of thosuands of $ not being spent on lawyers, accountants, appraisers, family counslers, ect. All those people need to eat too.

So long as there are no dependent children that might be harmed and no duress or undue influence, the judge should accept just about anything to which the parties agree.

Dean

I forgot to mention that there are no children.
He's a farmer and that speaks for itself as far as spurring the local economy. I know that was said tounge in cheek but I figured I would remind all who were not aware of the farmers contributions.

Having seen (well still seeing actually since Mom seems to want to do what your guys lawyer is advising) the way things are going betwteeen Mom and Dad, as well as several other friends that have divorced, going for a completely amicable, uncontested divorce settlement is the best thing for him to do.

Like another post suggested, and again based on what I am seeing now between my parents and have been told many times by friends goign through the BIG D, there's no reason a judge wouldn't go for any division of property that's acceptible to both parties. Basically all the judge is there for is to make sure things are legal and help sort things out if there are (and there usually are) problems that the two parties involved can't work out between themselves.

In the end it sounds to me like your friend needs to find himself another lawyer because it seems the only thing the current one is wanting is to create trouble where there isn't any, in an attempt to line his own pockets.....and make sure he gets his 1/3 plus of the property split...

He better get a better lawyer. That one is just trying to wrangle more money out him.

I would have to advise him to get a different lawyer. This one wants to create strife so he can get more money. Uncontested divorce are very easy. My second divorce was uncontested, I gave the ex a Explorer that she wanted, a gas grill and a living room set that she wanted. I paid all the fees and had a para legal do the paperwork. Only had to go to court twice. Ex didn't show either time.

Leonard

First of all, my opinion is going to be a little blunt. My first, and last, divorce was supposed to be amicable. Before it was over, I found that a divorce happens when two parties cannot get along, period. It is so rare that they can agree on everything, that's why they separate.

A friend of mine, and now a former neighbor, had his divorce finalized on Monday of this week. His wife of 35 years decided she wanted to "improve" her life. She went back to school, and in the meantime found out there were other things to do besides be a wife and home maker. Bottom line, he agreed to an "equal" split and ended up paying for a house, furnished, a car, and $30K worth of debt that she had run up in two year's time. Now I have a neighbor who I don't trust and don't really want to be around.

My friend???, well, he is living in a small house on the back side of his son in law's farm.

OK, I ramble, but from what I have seen, anyone who thinks he/she is about to be involved in a friendly divorce should go and find the meanest lawyer they can find and go for the throat.

If property was acquired during their marriage, she is entitled to a cut. That applies to both the business property AND to her retirement account. But who has the most to lose? Based on cash value, it may actually be his wife.

Whether or not he's getting sound advice is something that can only be answered by another lawyer licensed in New York. But under the circumstances, I suggest he look into "collaborative divorce". This is a new approach to divorce law that tries to make divorce less adversarial, so that both spouses "win", rather than their lawyers.
New Yor Association of Collaborative Professionals

He needs to get another lawyer. Mine did not ask for half. I never got near a courtroom. She could have got a lot more. She filed, I had to leave the house. Took a total of 2 months after being married 22 years. In the long run it cost me everyday because I had to give up part of my 401K and sell all my rental property to buy her out. I still speak to her . BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. Tell him to get another LAWYER.

My advice is talk to another lawyer. Do they live in New York State? I went through this a few years ago. I was told by my lawyer that if we could come up with a "separation agreement", the divorce would be automatic after one year. You have it figured right. That lawyer wants to get them fighting so he can take both of them to the cleaners.

My divorce was "amicable". Used a mediator to settle what few issues we had, then went to court. One hearing, he didn"t have to show. Cost me $750.00, but that was 28 yrs ago.

I agree with the others. Your friend needs to see another atty.

My parents' divorce started "amicably", but by time the lawyers got through, they were at each others' throats.

I know nothing about it all.

A friend of mine had his wife leave, she only took what was hers and a new car, not half of his. She felt she came with a paid for car, and wanted the car she had free and clear, and nothing more of the house, retirement, etc.

The judge asked her about it I guess, but was allowed to do so.

Paul

Here in Michigan you can pretty much write it up yourself, IF it's a non-contested situation.

I worked with a guy whose wife had been previously divorced. She looked up all the forms online, printed them off, filled them out herself and filed them at the courthouse. No contest sitaution, Judge accepted it as she had written it, total cost to her for divorce was $12.

Also, they have a "7 day rule" here. It's used for dealing with uncooperative/nonresponsive participants. Basically it states that "if we do not receive a response from you within 7 days, this paperwork will be filed with the court as it is currently written". Judge doesn't dispute paperwork filed under 7 day rule because there's been no reply/rebuttal from opposing party. This is how my own divorce was actually finalized. My ex-wife initiated our divorce, we spent two years and $12,000 apiece because she wanted to fight over everything and refused to make any agreements outside of the courtroom. When it was all said and done, judge had given her final ruling...ex-wife told her lawyer to stall because she didn't want to get divorced any more. Makes you wonder what goes on in some people's mind. Basically, my point is, if you have a similar rule, possibly he can write up the division of property, file it with the court and she can simply not respond?

Hope it all works out and they are still amicable at the end of it.

Y'all enjoy the weekend!

Anthony

That really does not seem fair to the wife. The farm should be community property. He should offer to pay her half of it, minus half of her retirement.

I once had a friend ask if 10,000.00 was too much to pay to divorce his wife. Pointed out what it would cost him otherwise, he paid he and she split lol.

The judge in my property settlement was glad that the ex and I worked out an agreeable settlement beforehand. The agreement was drawn up by the attorneys and signed by all parties and witnesses at the hearing. The court system is bogged down enough with petty bickering. Get another lawyer. The judge will thank you.