Originally Posted by KRM on YTMag.com on January 08, 2002 at 06:59:38 on Elvis"s 67th birthday.
I drove by the new equipment dealer in town the other day, and I saw the strangest tractor I"ve ever seen, and on top of it the driver looked to be Elvis! Well, I stopped the old pickup and walked over to this strange looking tractor. It had the biggest tri-directional cleated tires I"d ever seen. It would make any "Big Foot" owner green with envy. The tractor had the strangest movements and I couldn"t tell if it was a "commin or goin". A lot of the motion was due to the gyrations of Elvis who was drivin it.
I looked up at the driver wearin dem silvered sunglasses and asked, "Dat you, Elvis?" Well, to show who he wuz he begun singin "Love Me Tender......". I said, "Whoa, I ain"t one of them." Well, then he begun drivin that monster ETD all over the lot, kickin up mud and rocks, and doin wheelies. All the time he was demonstrating the ETD, he was singin "You Ain"t Nuttin But A Ground Hawg" while "barkin" the tires when he got on pavement. It was an incredible display of power. Then Elvis went to the back of the lot and started climbin over some traded in Belarus and Yingsu tractors while he sung, "Fools Rush In Where Steigers Fear to Tread". It was incredible!
Then Elvis hooked up a round baler to the rear PTO and a square baler to the front PTO and operated it in the tri-directional mode in the field next to the dealership while he sung, "Bale-House Rock". I stood there agast and thot to myself, "If that don"t raise the dead, nuttin will."
Well, at that time the salesman walks up to me and splained to me all about the ETD. He said that before the formal introduction that the company had let a farmer running a beef operation in the next county use a prototype for a while. Well, the farmer was pilin some stuff in a concrete silage bunker runnin cross ways in the bunker pushing it up against the walls to make it easier to get with a loader tractor at feedin time for the cattle. When the farmer looked down, he saw some fence wire. He had the ETD in a creeper gear so he thot he"d git off and get it while the ETD kept a movin. Just as he picked up the wire and started wadding it, his wife calls him to dinner. Being powerful hungry, he forgot the ETD and rushed to the house. Just as he was wipin the gravy of his chin, he remembered the ETD was still in gear. Well, he jumps up with the corner of the table cloth still tucked in his shirt and runs out the door flinging paper plates, plastic forks, and styrofoam cups everywhere. Just as he turns the corner, he saw the most amazing sight. There was the ETD still goin. When he got off the ETD before dinner, the wheels were turned a little and the ETD had kept movin toward the wall. When it pushed the stuff up to the wall the monster all-wheel drive climbed the wall and fell over backwards and continued up-side-down to the other side where it did the same. With the wheels turned slightly, the ETD and flipped and flopped from one side of the bunker to the other until all the stuff was neatly piled against the walls. He got there just as the ETD was gettin to the other end, then climbed on and drove it back to the barn.
Well, I then asked the salesman, where does the term tri-directional or ETD come from? The salesman seemed to get a little foggy in his explaination and said, "It goes in directions other than forward and backward. It"s does things near the ground more than any other tractor - it"s an Extra Terrestrial." What? You mean it has little green aliens making it or driving it? Does it fly? I asked. "Naw, not exactly, but I can"t tell more because it"s classified. Then I asked the big question, Is ETD an acronym for Extra Terrestrial Driver? The salesman immediately clammed up and wouldn"t talk about the ETD"s features, but started given me the sales talk. He said they"re goin fast and there"s a shipment to be flown in about 6 weeks.
Then I asked how do they fly these monsters in with no airport nearby. He wouldn"t answer me.
Well, I quickly wrote out the check for the $10,000 earnest money deposit, and the salesman said it would be delivered to my farm in six weeks on February 30th. Happily, I walked back across the parking lot to my pickup knowing I was going to have ownership of the leading edge of tractor technology.
Then while walking in the parking lot, I noticed several blackened depressions in the pavement. Hmmm, I"d better get my friend who owns the blacktopping company over here and pay the dealership a visit. There may be some business in it for him.
As I drove out of the parking lot, I heard them paging Elvis on the PA system saying "ET Phone Home"...... I thought his initials were EP!
KRM
I drove by the new equipment dealer in town the other day, and I saw the strangest tractor I"ve ever seen, and on top of it the driver looked to be Elvis! Well, I stopped the old pickup and walked over to this strange looking tractor. It had the biggest tri-directional cleated tires I"d ever seen. It would make any "Big Foot" owner green with envy. The tractor had the strangest movements and I couldn"t tell if it was a "commin or goin". A lot of the motion was due to the gyrations of Elvis who was drivin it.
I looked up at the driver wearin dem silvered sunglasses and asked, "Dat you, Elvis?" Well, to show who he wuz he begun singin "Love Me Tender......". I said, "Whoa, I ain"t one of them." Well, then he begun drivin that monster ETD all over the lot, kickin up mud and rocks, and doin wheelies. All the time he was demonstrating the ETD, he was singin "You Ain"t Nuttin But A Ground Hawg" while "barkin" the tires when he got on pavement. It was an incredible display of power. Then Elvis went to the back of the lot and started climbin over some traded in Belarus and Yingsu tractors while he sung, "Fools Rush In Where Steigers Fear to Tread". It was incredible!
Then Elvis hooked up a round baler to the rear PTO and a square baler to the front PTO and operated it in the tri-directional mode in the field next to the dealership while he sung, "Bale-House Rock". I stood there agast and thot to myself, "If that don"t raise the dead, nuttin will."
Well, at that time the salesman walks up to me and splained to me all about the ETD. He said that before the formal introduction that the company had let a farmer running a beef operation in the next county use a prototype for a while. Well, the farmer was pilin some stuff in a concrete silage bunker runnin cross ways in the bunker pushing it up against the walls to make it easier to get with a loader tractor at feedin time for the cattle. When the farmer looked down, he saw some fence wire. He had the ETD in a creeper gear so he thot he"d git off and get it while the ETD kept a movin. Just as he picked up the wire and started wadding it, his wife calls him to dinner. Being powerful hungry, he forgot the ETD and rushed to the house. Just as he was wipin the gravy of his chin, he remembered the ETD was still in gear. Well, he jumps up with the corner of the table cloth still tucked in his shirt and runs out the door flinging paper plates, plastic forks, and styrofoam cups everywhere. Just as he turns the corner, he saw the most amazing sight. There was the ETD still goin. When he got off the ETD before dinner, the wheels were turned a little and the ETD had kept movin toward the wall. When it pushed the stuff up to the wall the monster all-wheel drive climbed the wall and fell over backwards and continued up-side-down to the other side where it did the same. With the wheels turned slightly, the ETD and flipped and flopped from one side of the bunker to the other until all the stuff was neatly piled against the walls. He got there just as the ETD was gettin to the other end, then climbed on and drove it back to the barn.
Well, I then asked the salesman, where does the term tri-directional or ETD come from? The salesman seemed to get a little foggy in his explaination and said, "It goes in directions other than forward and backward. It"s does things near the ground more than any other tractor - it"s an Extra Terrestrial." What? You mean it has little green aliens making it or driving it? Does it fly? I asked. "Naw, not exactly, but I can"t tell more because it"s classified. Then I asked the big question, Is ETD an acronym for Extra Terrestrial Driver? The salesman immediately clammed up and wouldn"t talk about the ETD"s features, but started given me the sales talk. He said they"re goin fast and there"s a shipment to be flown in about 6 weeks.
Then I asked how do they fly these monsters in with no airport nearby. He wouldn"t answer me.
Well, I quickly wrote out the check for the $10,000 earnest money deposit, and the salesman said it would be delivered to my farm in six weeks on February 30th. Happily, I walked back across the parking lot to my pickup knowing I was going to have ownership of the leading edge of tractor technology.
Then while walking in the parking lot, I noticed several blackened depressions in the pavement. Hmmm, I"d better get my friend who owns the blacktopping company over here and pay the dealership a visit. There may be some business in it for him.
As I drove out of the parking lot, I heard them paging Elvis on the PA system saying "ET Phone Home"...... I thought his initials were EP!
KRM
