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Getting over it

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farmallmaniac

Member
I have been on this board since I was 14 years old. This Sunday I am 24, I know still young. I lost my grandmother this last spring. I lived with her for the last four years. She was like my mother, even more. I haven"t been able to cope or get over her loss. All I cAn think about are the times she wanted to take pictures of me but oh how I hated them. or that she wanted to spend time with me but I was too "busy" that day. I go to church every Sunday so I can talk to her and she appears in my dreams. I can"t get Over it, it consumes me. I try and talk to someone about it and all they say is get over it, everyone loses someone. But I didn"t just lose someone I list my life. I can"t move on. It affects my life and everything. .. Please don"t get mad I just need people to talk too.
 
You should go see your family doctor, he may recomend depression meds or a physocoligst.I found my dad dead underneath a tractor that had upset so I know where you are coming from.We did not always get along and I have a few regrets.I am thankful that we were on good terms with each other at his death.Healing takes a long time.Living with your grandmother makes me wonder about other family problems? There were plenty in my family as well.It has been over 10 years and I still take depression meds. and I spent alot of time in doctor offices talking about the issues.For a long time it was hard to admit that I needed meds but as I talked to different people I could not believe how many people take meds for depression.People may tell you to get over it because they have little experience,or have hurts of their own that they have hidden away or they do not know what else to say.With time it will get better,just try to remember the good.This type of experience may help you have a better relationship with your wife and children someday.Talk to God about it as well,he is the great healer.
 
Hey Guy! It's ok to miss her, that doesn't mean you can't still love her, just because she is gone.You didn't spend every day all day long, with her ,while she was here.You lived your life daily ,and done the things that had to be done to get along, and when it was time to go home where she was, then you got to interact with her. It can still be simular, because you have a lot of good memories, and it's like when they left for a vacation, and you stayed behind.Some time you will get to see her again, but till then you have to continue to do what has to be done, and have a life seperate from them. I truely am sorry for your loss, but know from too many losses, how debilitating it can be. I lost my dad in jan of 53, and my mom in july of 53, then my unoficial foster mom, in58, my 1st wife, after 10 yrs of marriage. Sometimes it's harder to be the survivor than it is to be the victum. The lives that I have touched in this later life, has more than made up for the lonliness and grief that I suffered.To see my 3 children, as successful adults, and have the grandkids loving me, and I still have the good memories of those who passed on, and the hope of reuniting with them , when my time comes! Hang in there! It is worth it!
 
Go get a girlfriend and a job and you will forget about your grandma. How old are your parents?

All my grandparents are gone now. I am in my 40s.
 
What you are feeling will come and go over the years but it will get better and less often. It hasn't been that long since spring so its understandable for you to still be that upset. The only thing any of us can do is be thankful of the time we did have with loved ones and move on as best you can.
 
Try and remember the good things you shared with your grandmother. Try and remember how happy she would want you to be. We all have regrets in life. Shying away from a picture or not making enough time for her might be some of your regrets. Try and remember the good times you shared.
I try my best to live each day to the fullest, but I try my best to minimize the regrets.
 
sorry for your loss,what worked for me was getting physically fit.I got a workout program going.It will make you feel good about yourself and you will look good too.
 
Your Grandma lives on thru you. There are no doubt countless things/ways you do and think everyday that come from her. I use a antique potatoe masher that was my moms. Warm memories of her mashed potatoes, a recipe that she taught me, that no one else in the family ever gets to come out quite like hers.
While it is still too soon to "get over it", geez, no one who has truely loved someone could ever say that, you will get thru it.
Its painful now, your grieving, that is natural and normal.
But best medicine is to keep busy. Work, if you can't get work, volunteer. Sitting around amplifies grief. Do things that will make Grandma proud of you.
This summer/fall I tended to a hierloom geranium a friend gave my wife. Wife has a brown thumb! I got it to grow 6ft tall, just like the zinnias my Grandma would grow in her front yard when i was a boy.
My Grandma Louise lives on thru me in many other ways too, everyday.
Your Grandma does too.
Please feel free to email me if you would like to talk,
Pete
 
Think of what she would want for you. I'm certain she wouldn't want you to be miserable. Try to be happy and remember all the GOOD times you two had together. Don't let others try to tell you that "you'll get over it". You don't. But you do eventually accept the loss and learn to live again. I've lost both sets of grandparents, both my parents, my mother and father in law, and a wife and a son. Not a day goes by I don't think about each one. But I try to dwell on happy memories.

My father and I had issues towards the end of his life. I didn't spend the time with him that I should have and wish I would have. That bothers me sometimes, but I take it as the last great lesson he taught me. Now I try to make certain anyone I care about takes full advantage of every opportunity to spend time with family. Grief can consume you or it can make you a better person. Which one do you suppose Granny would want for you?

Hang in there, and if you feel the need to talk, come on back. Just ignore the negative comments that show up from time to time. The vast majority of folks on here are good people and will take the time to help when they can.
 
Don't dwell on any regrets you can't fix. Remember the good times.
It's okay to talk to her and remember her, but do you think she would be happy knowing she is the reason you can't move on. Make her happy, make her proud always remember her, but move on.
When we reach our later years, we are all faced with mortality. After we are gone, our accomplishments are what we leave behind. In your grandmother's case, she left you behind. You are young and have a many years ahead of you and she would want you to achieve your own accomplishments. She would want you to move on with your life. It will take some time.
 
If you're a church-goin' man, maybe a chat with your clergyman would lighten the load. As for Wile E's girlfriend advise, if it has tires or t!ts, sooner or later it'll give you grief... All the best to you
 
What good will getting a girlfriend and a job do? Grieving comes from deep inside. It's not something we can just shrug off. The average grieving period for someone who has lost a close loved one is three years. Jim
 
You will never get "over it", but it will get better over time. we lost mom on christmas eve in '97 and she is still in many of my dreams. Try to focus on the positive things. The things that she taught you that made you better. The good times. it will help. best wishes and prayrs for you.
 
Grandparents have a special place in their grandkids hearts. They have the time to talk and hug them. You said you are going to church, get involved in the adult bible class on Sunday mornings. They discuss things like that and it will help you understand why you miss her so much. Your grandmother probably was the happiest grandmother in the world. There are millions and millons of grandmothers out there that would like to have you for a grandson. This is a sinful world after Adam and Eve so the ones left here on earth suffer. You made her life here on earth the best a grandmother could have. Pray often God will help you through it.
 
I lost both my parents recently. You never get over it, you just move on and honor the memories.

I would suggest that you talk with a counselor or minister about it, I did that and it helped. It may take a while of talking, so do not expect one hour will do it.
 
You are feeling guilty for not being as kind and helpful to her as you think you should have been. This is normal. Having these feelings tells me you're a good caring person. You will never lose these feelings but with time they won't haunt you anymore.

My mother passed from cancer in 1971 when I was 20 and rebellious. To this day I still feel bad about some of the things I did not do to help her. For ten years I couldn't visit her grave without breaking down because of the guilt feelings but eventually I did come to terms with it. Take care. Jim
 
I just went to my mothers funeral yesterday. She died Christmas Eve. So I can say I know how you feel.

Nothing wrong with missing your grandmother. Don't know why she passed. But most likely nothing you could have done to prevent it. So don't beat yourself up about it. You will never get over it. You just need to adjust your life to it.She will always be with you.

When my wife died in 04. I sat around for about a year. Feeling sorry for myself.Until a friend told me. She is gone from this world. Nothing you can do to change that. Get on with your life. Got back into my normal way of living and over time things got better for me.

So that is what I would tell you to do. Get back into life. I would guess she would be upset if she knew you were. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Get back into life. Meet people,do things that would make her proud of you.Think about the good times and bad the two of you had together.Think about her cooking good or bad.The things she did for you and the things you did for her.

But I think the one thing she would want from you. Is to get on with your life. She will always be with you.Do things that would make her proud. She will live on through you.

If you need to talk you have friends here. Email me if you want to talk.I can give you my phone number
 
I have no idea about your exact situation so its hard to judge but you sure sound alot like my brother.While my dad was sick and had a terminal disease that went on for about 2 years my wife and I helped my Mom take care of him night and day because the one thing he wanted was not to have to go to a nursing home and we took care of him and it was in fact instead of being a burden a great rewarding experience despite watching him die a little every day.He was a Christian man so I have no doubts he's better off today.On the other hand my brother was 'too busy' 'too involved' etc to help and hardly averaged 1 visit a week even though he lived only 5 miles from my dad.Anyway that was his choice he made his I made mine so be it.After my dad died my brother started to sound just like you wanting to get sympathy and someone to tell him his actions were OK.Well in my opinion his actions weren't OK and he was a dismal failure as a son which I finally told him after his moping and feeling sorry for himself got to be more than I could stand as the way I saw it even after dad died it was still all about HIM and HIS feelings not my dad or mom's feelings.Have you learned anything?
Do you now feel and act differently toward others that are still living that have done things for you like your mom or dad?You can't change the past it is what it is but the future is up to you and your choices.
 

Like NEKS said, go to the adult Bible study, provided that it is a BIBLE PREACHING CHURCH, you will be really surprised at how it can help. Stay away from docs and shrinks, they convince you that it is even worse than it is, and you will be on Prozac for the rest of you life. Also, think of what your grandmother would tell you if she were still here. I'll bet that she would tell you to find someone less fortunate than yourself to invest yourself into. There is nothing like helping others to take your mind off your own problems.
 
You are a young man, your Grandmother was young once and she understood why you did not spend all your time with her. Feeling guilt for things undone and words never spoken after someone dies is normal and unavoidable, something to remember is we mortals don't run this world, the Good Lord knows everyones hour but we never will. Many times in life we have to soldier on for the sake of other people even if we don't feel like doing it for ourselves, think about the people who depend on you and the life your Grandmother would want you to lead.
 
You just have to make yourself do what you need to do everyday and it will get easier after time. Remember guilt can be your biggest enemy because you can never change things from the past. All these answers seem not be what you want to hear but there are no easy answers to your misery. My suggestion to you is to go to church to talk to God not her and he will show you the way out.

Jim
 
You'll never truly get over the loss of a loved one, but sooner or later you will accept your loss and move on. It is normal to feel some guilt. Everybody has regrets about what they should have said or done while their loved one was still alive. In time, you will come to understand that although you can't change the past, you can look back at your mistakes and learn from them. Use these lessons to become a better person. Learn to serve and help others. Learn to do things you don't want to do because it's the right thing to do.

Psychologists talk about the five stages of grief: "Anger", "Denial", "Bargaining", "Depression" and "Acceptance". It sounds like you've progressed to "depression" and are stuck there. This is perfectly normal; it takes time to move on to "acceptance". Don't think you have to make yourself "get over it". In time it will get better. Become the person your grandmother would have been proud of, and a little bit of her will live on in you.
 
One component is the responsibility you now have for forwarding the good sense and tenderness she provided you as you changed into a man from being a 19 something, wet behind the ears, kid, into a forward thinking individual of responsible nature. She would think not of what you didn't do, but of what you will do. Carry forward positivism, self determination, and responsibility. Tell her you appreciated what she did by practicing the same. Jim
 
I have a job.. I work six days a week and that helps to keep my mind busy.

A little background. The reason I came to live with her was because my grandfather became hospitalized and she didnt want to be out there alone. It took him years to recover and never really fully has. When he got to where he is now she started going down hill around christmas and suddenly 2 months later she was gone. So I am still here with my grandpa so he isn't alone. I am now faced with a dilemma. I get grief from people for still living here. He cannot drive and someone needs to be here to give him his medicine, but I feel like its wrong to still be here because of how people are treating me.
 
Sorry I am not good at stuff like this but you do know that the Bible does say do not morn for those that have died but morn for those that are left behind and you sorry to hear are the one that is left behind and yes it is common to have a problem cooping with things and you should probably talk to people in the church that is one thing a pastor/preacher should be able to help you with
 
It all takes time I lost my first wife and it was years until I met my now wife and that just put things right again. Keep busy and look for a replacement is the best advice I can give.
Walt
 
your "all i can think about" sentence leads me to believe you are feeling guilty about things you shouldn't be feeling guilty about. grandma probably rarely thought twice about those things you did and most certainly would want you to continue on and be happy.
 
You took a giant leep toward healing by posting this. There is no shame in asking for help. If you do not get the help you need from us may I suggest you ask help from someone perhaps more qualified(clergy, family, friends) If you cannot find the help you need from them, maybe you should hire some help. You have an injury that needs healing. We all hire a professional to help heal our injuries. All our friends on this board who talk about there knee or hip surgeries or arthritis or diabetes, they all hire professional help to heal their injury. I have not needed to hire emotional help yet in my life but I hire lots of physical help( baling hay, running the field cult. in the spring, plowing in the fall) I am not ashamed at all to ask or hire help when I cannot do it myself. Good luck. The Flying Belgian.
 
You know people of your generation have a reputation of being lazy and self centered. Its refreshing to see you being the opposite and doing the right thing despite of what others say. I guess the others are saying throw grandpa in a nursing home and get rid of him. This doesn't say much for their character. I applaud you.
 
OK, you've given us a little more information to work on. You probably don't know that it is very common for caregivers to become depressed. I'm guessing your depression is only partly due to your grandmother's death and is partially due to your current situation. Do you feel like you're stuck in a situation you can't get out of? Do you feel that family members don't appreciate the help you're giving your grandfather? There's also the basic unfairness: your grandmother spent the last years of her life caring for your grandfather, only to pass away before him.

I think you need to get some help with your grandfather. Let your family members know you need some time by yourself. Maybe one of them can spend a couple of days a week with him. Or, heaven forbid, they might consider hiring a part-time caregiver. Right now, you're doing that for free. My guess is your family has no idea what it costs for a caregiver, let alone the toll it's taking on you.
 
It's obvious to us that you loved your Grandma, so it had to be obvious to her as well. She did a good job of raising you to be a man so that you could handle life without her when the time came. Unfortunately it came much sooner than perhaps it should have, but then that's true for all of us.

I was in my 40s when my dad died, and in my 60s when my mom died. Even so, I wish I could have them both in front of me just one more time, just for a few minutes, so that I could tell them how much I now recognize and appreciate the many unselfish things they did for me, and how their love shaped my life---even when I did not understand it.

I would also apologize for the many times and ways that I showed disrepect, inattention, indifference and ingratitude in return for their efforts.

But I can't. And neither can you. What I have tried to do, and what you need to do, is to simply go on and live your life in an honorable and useful manner, so that it will be a fitting tribute to her love and her efforts in your behalf.

Make her proud.
 
Some wounds are so deep they take a long time to heal.

I hate it when someone tells a hurting individual, "get over it". That's just wrong, insensitive and doesn't help.

If you're going to tell someone get over it, then you better have some good, healthy, suggestions on just how they're supposed to get over it.

I do think you should talk to your clergy or a professional with experience in helping people cope with deep grief.

I'm sorry for your loss.
 
The more you talk about it the better it gets, but still will take time. Hang in there, don't do anything drastic, also postpone any major decisions concerning your life direction. I am not a counciler but can be a friend if you want to write. Email is open. John
 
Farmallmaniac- We never really get over death of a loved one, 3 of my 4 grandparents are gone and I am 28, and I still think about them nearly daily, more so the ones I was close with. It is natural. You however were really close with your grandma, so you still are getting used to her not being there, and that is normal. Live your life pleasing to God and live the life that would make your grandma pleased. You mention the guilt of things you should have done or said.. that is natural... we all say things that we shouldnt to people.. or do things that we wanted to at the time. Our vision- so to speak is always 20/20 after the fact, but no one is perfect, but your grandma probably was pleased that you were being successful, even though you werent with her when she wanted you to be. Your situation now- try to get help with your grandpa so you can have time for yourself. Remember- make your grandpa and grandma proud, and talk to a pastor of your church or deacon or someone you trust about your feelings and ask for prayer. I would seek counsel with your chuch prior to going to a doctor for depression. I attend church also, and my email is open if you need to talk.
 
You"ll never regret taking care of someone else, because someday, you could be the one needing care.

Do the right thing, what your HEART tells you, not your head nor your friends. You can use regret and guilt to focus forgiveness of yourself by moving on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LzJst0_HbE
 
Farmallmaniac - you are obviously a wonderful young man that any parent or grandparent would (or should) be very proud of!! My mother passed away three years ago from cancer. She lived with me and I was her sole caregiver, with only hospice coming in the last three weeks to monitor meds etc. I have a brother & sis-in-law, 20 minutes away, they never came to help nor did they offer to give me a break. Even funeral arrangements were my sole responsibility (and I am the "baby" of the family, with two older brothers). I know from experience - You are on overload and need a break, if only for a day or two to recharge your batteries. You may check with your local hospice, to see if they would be any assistance. They are there to help not only the patient but also survivors and caregivers. They were wonderful in my case! Please take care of yourself and not worry about others advising you to "just get over it", .... time will take care of that. Staying with your Grandpa now is a very honorable thing to do. Those thinking otherwise, need to look to the future and pray they have someone as special as you in their life, to count on, when the time comes to them.
Your Grandma, is very proud of you - believe that!!
Your asking for help on this forum has gotten you a lot of VERY useful responses, I hope it helps and your days get easier.
 
First of all, what you are feeling is not unusual. Everyone grieves differently. Some get through it quicker than others. Through our Church, my wife and I facilitate GriefShare, which is a video series designed for those who have lost someone in their life. Many churches have this program available. If you are interested, you can check out the GriefShare website to see if it is available near you. Website is Griefshare.org
 
Farmallmaniac,
I am so sorry for your loss.

My first thought is...
Grieving takes a long time - and each person grieves differently (but time does help - and realize that 6 months is a short time when dealing with the loss of someone you love greatly).
Second thought its...
It is ok to cry sometimes and to share your feelings and memories - even for guys.
Third thought is...
Hopefully your pastor is someone you can talk to who can guide you to a Christian grief support group or a Christian counselor.
 
My first wife passed away 20 years ago this very night. I can't say I'll EVER "get over it"...but I've come to accept it. Reluctantly, but that's the way it is.

I had 2 kids, ages 8 and 12. I also had a job, and we were living paycheck-to-paycheck. Looking back, I was too busy to properly grieve. But over time, I've managed to deal with it.

As far as the 5 stages of grief go, I skipped over Denial completely. I rode in the front of the ambulance to the hospital, and I saw that her eyes were fixed and dilated when we arrived at the hospital. So logically, denial wasn't an option. As far as Anger goes, who was I going to be angry with...God, for allowing her to die? Her, for leaving me with two kids to raise? Anger wasn't a logical response for me, either. Bargaining also wasn't logical, so I skipped that one, too. And my job required me to deal with the public daily, so depression simply wasn't an option.

Which brings us to Acceptance. I had to accept early on that she was, indeed, dead...She wasn't coming back...And nothing I could ever do would change either of those things. I just had to go on with my life...like it or not. I couldn't afford a "pity party" for me. I couldn't NOT be strong for my kids' sake.

A year and 8 months later, I remarried. I found someone who would help carry the emotional load for me...someone who accepted both me and my kids, who wasn't trying to take anyone else's place, but who was content to make her own place in our lives. My current wife and I have been married almost 18-1/2 years now; my first wife and I only got 14-1/2 years together.

I had lost my dad just a year and 3 months before my first wife, and both died from heart problems. "Pappy" was my best friend in the whole wide world, and my first wife was my next closest friend. So in 15 months, my life was turned upside down.

But I took away some lessons from all this. Life's to short to argue over things that, over the long haul, essentially don't matter. Show those close to you how you truly feel about them. And don't let anyone tell you how you "ought to" deal with your grief. My faith in God and His infinite wisdom leads me to believe that He knows what He's doing, whether I understand it or not. My first wife is no longer in pain. My dad got a well-deserved rest, to be awakened again when The Resurrection occurs. Your beliefs may vary from this; but don't be afraid or reluctant to lean on your belief in something or someone bigger than yourself to help you cope with the difficult days.

Not sure if any of my story will even relate to you, much less be helpful; but I hope you can glean at least one thing from all this that will help your days ahead become easier. God bless you.
 
Now that you mention it Sweetfeet. I have heard it several times, observed it and experienced it myself.
There is something about 1 full year, four seasons, 12 months, 365 days to grieve and heal. After making to and past the one year anniversary . Something changes in the mind and heart to look back less and look ahead more.
Have also heard " It is what is". Means "it can't be changed". So why waste time and energy fighting it or trying to change what can't be changed.
 
No two people deal with grief the same way. Your feelings are completely normal, but since you are having a hard time with it, getting some help would be the best thing you can do. As others have said, doctors, clergy, etc... can point you in the right direction and it may take a few tries to find the right person to talk to. It sounds like you are doing right by your grandfather, and that is something you should feel good about. It probably means more to him than you know. Asking for help is hard to do, but it will make your life much better and it is NOT a sign of weakness. You have said that you have regrets, but I'm sure you have lots of good memories and you can take comfort in the fact that you helped your grandmother and are now helping your grandfather. It's easy to tell someone to "get over it" and some people may be able to do that, but you need to take care of yourself and seek some sort of help. There is certainly no shame in that.
 
You and your grandfather have my prayers for strength and encouragement. I'm only a couple years older than you and cant imagine the responsibility that you have assumed. I saw the toll taken on my mother while caring for her mother. It is overwhelming.

Talk to your preacher/minister about your grief. If you feel like you are at the end of your rope also see your physician. Don't forget to speak with the Great Physician regularly.

In what state are you located? A local man offers greif seminars as well as counseling free of charge. He is the local funeral director (middle TN) and an elder/bishop/overseer at his church.
 
I spent 15 amazing years with my pap. Tomorrow will be 6 years he is gone. Still hits me hard almost everyday. It gets easier but never goes away. Dont dwell on the bad times only the good times. You still had many wonderful years with her
 
It seems to me you might be having the hardest time with the guilt your feeling. It's very understandable. Guilt is very powerful.

What you need to do is ask God for forgiveness. Then you need to forgive yourself.

If you're like most of us that will be the hard part. I have only ever been able to do that by asking God to help me.

Always remember that God will never give you more then you can handle even though it may feel like it's to much sometimes, that's when you have to ask Him for strength and guidance.

Remember, with God you are never alone.

There is the story in the bible of the man who died and Jesus is showing him the two sets of foot prints in the sand that goes threw the mans life time. One set being the mans and the other set being Jesus'. There is a stretch that only has one set of foot prints and the man says to Jesus, why at the worst time of my life is there only one set of foot prints? Why were you not with me then? Jesus says to him, That's when I carried you.

This is as best I can remember it and I can't remember where it is in the Bible. Maybe somebody else will.
 
the young ALWAYS do that to the old. She did the same thing as you & felt the same as you. She understood you & coped with it. The least you can do is the same. Take Wile E. & B&d's advice & move down the generational chain. The young are already ignoring you. That's just human.
 
buickanddeere,
Agreed...all the "firsts" without are the hardest. The first holiday, the first birthday, the first warm,spring day...

Over time one does begin to look ahead more - rather than behind and memories eventually begin to bring about smiles more often than tears.
 
It sounds to me like you are seriously depressed. Looking after your grandfather is a big sacrifice for which you should be proud. Does depression run in your family? It does in mine. I was getting very depressed in my early 40s, and then my dad died. My doctor wanted to put me on pills but at first I refused. I told my doctor how when I was 13 my mother used to send me to the barn to make sure my dad didn't kill himself because of his depression. He said "That's an awful thing for a 13 year old to have to do." and my response was that it had to be done, so I did it. A couple of days later when I was trying to work in spite of all the sad thoughts going through my head it occurred to me that it was indeed a terrible thing for a 13 year old to have to do, and I decided then and there IT WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TO MY KIDS. I went right to the house and called the doctor and got some pills. I am also on blood pressure pills. People sometimes try to tell me I am hooked on my happy pills as I call them, but no one has ever tried to tell me I am hooked on my blood pressure pills, and I tell them so forcefully. I have tried to quit my happy pills twice, but both times I got wildly angry over nothing and went back on them. The brain is like any other part of the body and can get sick, and pills can help it get better. By the way my oldest son who is 26 has been so depressed that he hasn't worked at all for 2 years until recently, and he didn't loose anybody. If you start to get suicidal thoughts, don't walk to the doctor, RUN.
 
What you're experiencing is part of the normal grieving process. Talking to your minister, a counselor or even friends that have experienced loss will help you understand what and why you're having these feelings. You'll never "get over it". It will likely take 2 to 3 years to feel "normal" again.

It occurs to me (unless there's more to the story) that part of your problem is the people you're talking to. Anyone that just tells you to get over it, or anyone that gives you a hard time for caring for your grandfather aren't the kind people you need to surround yourself with!

You are stuck in depression which is normal but not a good place to be. Get yourself some help A.S.A.P.... Clergy, counselor or friends.

Caring for your grandfather is a big load for a 24 year old. If for some reason others in your family won't help, bring in outside help.

Don't look back. You can't change the past. Look forward.
 
You have made it this far and believe it or not. You are probably now at or past the worst point and things will gradually improve.
 
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