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OT: Ever Heard This Saying?

M

mb58

Member
I'm sure a lot of you can add to this short list of camparitive sayings. I've heard these all my life. Some of 'em I remember my grand-parents saying.
1-Hot as a firecracker.
2-Smooth as silk.
3-Slick as glass.
4-Slick as ice.
5-Rough as a cob.
6-Light as a feather.
7-Hard as a rock.
8-Cool as a cucumber.
9-Smart as a whip.
10-Pretty as a picture.
11-Cold as a wedge.
12-Dead as a doorknob.
13-Lost as a goose.
14-Dumb as dirt.
15-Old as the hills.
16-Crazy as a bat.
17-Crazy as a loon.
18-Fat as a pig.
19-Skinny as a rail.
20-Dark as a dungeon.
 
Slicker than snot on a doorknob
as messed up as a football bat
as messed up as a soup sandwich
If I had your money, I'd burn mine
 
Yes mb58 I have heard my dad use alot of those and a few more. Like ( dumber than a sack of rocks), ( deader than a door nail), (When brains were past out you were stand out behind the outhouse) and some that I couldn't put on here.
 

uglier'n a mud fence in a rainstorm
make a freight train take a gravel road
hadda tie a porkchop around her neck so the dog'd play with her...
 
Handy as a shirt pocket
Deader than Abe Lincoln/Julius Caesar/etc.
Dumber than a bag of hammers
Faster than a striped-___ ape
Cute as a tub full of puppies
Darker than 10 feet down
Subtle as a cannon ball
 
mb58,
Have heard quite a few of the same... I noted in parenthesis.

1-Hot as a firecracker. (Hotter than a $2 pistol)
2-Smooth as silk. ( or smooth as glass)
3-Slick as glass. (slick as a whistle... or slicker 'n snot)
4-Slick as ice. (cold as ice))
5-Rough as a cob. (same)
6-Light as a feather. (same)
7-Hard as a rock. (same)
8-Cool as a cucumber. (same)
9-Smart as a whip. (same)
10-Pretty as a picture. (also, cute as a bug's ear)
11-Cold as a wedge. (never heard)
12-Dead as a doorknob. (dead as a doornail)
13-Lost as a goose. (loose as a goose)
14-Dumb as dirt. (dumb as a doorknob, stupid as a stone)
15-Old as the hills. (same)
16-Crazy as a bat. (never heard)
17-Crazy as a loon. (same)
18-Fat as a pig. (same)
19-Skinny as a rail. (same)
20-Dark as a dungeon. (same)

Additions:
a. sly as a fox
b. blind as a bat
c. mean as a junkyard dog
d. sharp as a tack
e. poor as a church-mouse
f. slow as molasses in January
g. ugly as a mud fence
 

1. Slicker than snake snot on a door knob.

2. She took 2nd place in a beauty contest after the West Virginia ham.

3. He is so clumsy he couldnt hit sand if he fell off a camel.
 
I had an uncle who would say "I wouldn't have that up my a$$ if I had room for a truckload of them". I have no idea what it means, but it sure stuck with me.
 
All of those, plus a couple that I've picked up since I moved to Maine:

Slick as a smelt.

Slick as a bottle.

Number than a pounded thumb ("numb" and "dumb" are interchangeable here)

Rougher than thunder.

Tougher than a baked owl.
 
Some of our 'Irish sayings'....
Dryer than a duck on a barn loft
so awkward/twisted it wouldn't lie in a ditch
hotter than He!!
faster than a fiddlers elbow
Havn't got a snowballs hope in He!!
as useful as a fart in a spacesuit
twisted as a corkscrew
twisted as a sows tail
as usefull as a £7 note
as poor as p!$$
as cold as a gravestone
built like a brick $H!t house
tight as a ducks ar$E
tighter than a camels ar$e in a sandstorm
wetter than a water dog's lughole
She is the shape of the backend of a bus!
There are many more but they get worse!!!!!
Sam
 
Grandpa used to say a poor hitter in baseball "couldn"t hit a sow in the as* with a scoop shovel". Or if he couldn't get a bolt broke loose it was "tighter than dick's hatband".If a battery was dead it was "dead as a hammer". There are probably others I can't remember.
 
As worthless as a one-legged (insert nationality here) in an a$$ kickin contest!!

Which is faster, a striped a$$ ape or a streak of $hit??
 
I was standing in a checkout line with a buddy some years back and he nods to the huge lady in front of us and said her stretch pants looked like a sack of doorknobs...........
 

Cold as a frog
Stiff as a board
Handy as a handle on a jug
White as a sheet
Tough as a boot
Tough as a pine knot
Happy as a clam (?)
Looks like a hog's behind at mulberry time (for a woman wearing too much lipstick)
Nervous as a hog in October
Irritable as a b---- wolf with nine suckin' pups
Useless as a mule’s ____(fill in the blank)
 
We had a manager who the co-workers would say "He is so tight that he would jump over a gate, just to keep from wearing out the hinges".
 
Torn up like a Goose in a hail storm

Torn up like a trailer park in a tornado

Handy as a pocket on a shirt

Useless as hen $*it on a pump handle

Slick as a minnow's peter

Slicker-n- greased owl $*it

Drier than a popcorn fart in a whirlwind

Went over like a lead ballon

Went over like a turd in a punchbowl

Meaner than 3 big dogs

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs
 
"12-Dead as a doorknob."

Also "Dead as a door nail.", after you drove the nail through the door and crossbuck you bend it over to cinch it, called "killing" the nail.

There's another one: "Useless as *something* on a nun" but I forget what the something is ;^)
 

Slicker than an eel in pail of snot.

uglier than a thunder cloud.

If he had brains he would be dangerous.

Shiny as a tid in moonlight.

Crooked as a lawyer.

Slower than chit trough a funnel.

louder than 2 f'cking skeletons in an iron tub.
 
Slicker than deer guts on a doorknob.

Heavier than a dead mimister.

Number than a pounded thumb.

Slicker than s---, and twice as nasty.
 
"Nervous as a short tailed bull at fly time"

"Beat up so bad, his own mother wouldn"t have know him from a fresh hide."

"Hungry enough to eat a folded tarp"

I"m so hungry my stomach thinks my throat"s been cut."

Couldn"t hit a bull in the a$$ with a banjo.

"Went after that like a wolf after guts."
 
Two I haven't seen yet:

Tighter than the skin on a bean

It don't matter where you're at - there you are.

Paul
 
Don't forget my favorite 2, rainin harder than a cow peein on a flat rock, And dumber than a window licker, on the short bus!
 
Dumber than a stump.
Wouldn't know enough to pour pi$$ out of a boot if the directions were printed on the hell.
Lots of the others come to mind, my Daughter-in-laws call them "Paulisms", wonder why!
 
how about You can't polish a turd, colder than a well diggers $ss and hotter than two rats screwin in a wool sock.
 

Tighter than a nun's c"nt
To poor to even pay attention.
Bussier than a cat on a hot tin roof
 
Colder'n a well-digger's a$$.
Hotter'n the hubs of he!!.
A$$ deep on a tall indian. (Snow depth)
Deep enough to drown a fish. (Water depth)
Cute as a speckled pup.
Hornier'n a 3 peckerd billy goat.
Hungry enough to eat the a$$-end out of a skunk.
Tighter'n bark on a tree.
 
Handy as a chubby bear with an armload of shelled corn.

So poor they didn"t have a pot to pi$$ in or a window to throw it out of.

If his brain was dynamite he couldn"t blow his nose.

Put his brain in a birds a$$ and it would look like a BB in a boxcar.
 
1) Strange as a 3 dollar bill
2) Heavier than a dead preacher before Sunday service (the "before sunday service" was reserved for really heavy stuff)
3) Gangly as a newborn colt
4) Not the sharpest tool in the shed
5) If wishes were horses then beggars would ride
6) God willin an the creek don't rise
7) Up chit creek without a paddle
8) for something impossible "thats like tryin to fit a basketball into a ginger ale bottle
9) quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail
10) Tighter than two coats of paint
11) wouldn't know his a$$ from a hole in the ground
12) Looks like he's been dragged through a knothole backwards
13) A few bricks shy of a full load
14) scarce as hen's teeth
15) for a long wait-This is gonna take a month of Sundays
16) harder than the knots of he11
17) Hotter than the hubs of he77
18) Dumber than a box of bricks
19) That's not worth the powder it would take to blow it up
20) Sweating like a wh*#e in church
21) a stingy person "squeezes a nickel till the buffalo chits"
22) Don't get into a pizzing match with a skunk
23) He hasn't got the brains God gave a duck
24) He's got 10 lbs of stupid in a 5 lb bag
25) bad hair day - looks like they stuck their head in a pencil sharpener
26) purty as a speckled pup in a red wagon
27) fine as frog hair
28) madder than an old wet hen
29) raining fish hooks & hammer handles
30) crooked as a dog's hind leg
31) that smell would knock a buzzard off a gut wagon
32) Too poor to paint an too proud to white wash
33) -don't have a pot to pi$$ in, nor a window to throw it out of
34) Cold enough to freeze the wings off a brass bat
35) a poor shot- couldn't hit the broad side of a barn
36) when asking someone to keep a secret- between you, me, and the fencepost
These are a few that Mrs. Kippster and I could come up with
 
the light are and no one is home!
they are a brick short of a load!
would know their back end from a hole in the ground!
if brain's could be used for diamite, they wouldn't have enough power to blow their nose!
talk about the blind leading the dog!
if b-s could be gold,,you'd be rich!
you were so ugly, we had to feed you with a sling-shot standing in the corner!
 
you forgot
"as hungry as a tick on a teddy bear"-
"9 degrees hotter"n he!!"-
"my tired"s hanging out"
 
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